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How to be active in a relationship? [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2013-12-9 17:54:28 |Display all floors
This post was edited by gattosonia at 2013-12-9 17:55

I was introduced to a boy who works in a state-owned institution. The reference gives my phone number, QQ and wechat number,  but I just have his wechat number. So we connect each other with wechat. He is tall boy and 2 years old than me. What a perfevt boy, I want to find this kind of boy just right. At the beginning, I found that he reply me very quickly. We can have a happy cahtting time. And he will remind me to take care of myself and some other living detials. All these actions send me a postive signal. But at that moment, I didn't think he is the right person for me.But I found he was not a active man soon. Every I send him a message, I will get a quick and proper reply. And this must happen after my first message. I don't know whether he likes me or not because we haven't met each other yet. Does this mean that he doesn't like me?
I found I would like to pretend to be arrogant. If you don't like me, Ok, no problems, although I like him very much. But now I want to change, I want to be an active person. What should I do? Although we haven't met yet, although he seldom send me message actively, I don' t want to loose this chance.
But I sill want to ask a questions. Do you think it is normal? Is it a common reaction when a boy likes a girl? Maybe he doesn't like me at all. Keeping touch just because he doesn't want to tell me the truth.

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Post time 2013-12-10 07:57:56 |Display all floors
Do you know, this always happens when the only communication between a couple is by text chat.

Each person is thinking something different, trying to guess what the other person is thinking and feeling. We imagine the worst things, most of the time.

You will find when you meet him that he is different than you imagine: better in some ways, worse in others. But finally, you will know the truth. You will have body language and difference tones when you say things with your own voice, compared to just by chat. It changes EVERYTHING.

Yes, you need to insist upon meeting him. You may know lots about him already, but you can never know him completely until you meet him in person and spend lots of time with him.

My fiancé and I get into fights about every 2nd or 3rd week by chat. We imagine things, lose our temper, interpret things the wrong way, over-react... every bad thing you can imagine. When we talk on the phone or video chat or the rare times we can meet in person, we feel so silly for it. How do we let it happen each time? We are not kids any more.

There is just a big difference.

Insist upon meeting him. Get to know him in person. Only then can you make an informed decision on whether to continue in a relationship with him.

Best of luck!

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Post time 2013-12-10 09:28:20 |Display all floors
Smaug Post time: 2013-12-10 07:57
Do you know, this always happens when the only communication between a couple is by text chat.

Eac ...

Thank you, Smaug. I really need men's advices. I found it is very tough for me to guess and wait for the reply. Although I knew I should insist, it is still very hard for me. Last weekend, he told me that he has worked overtime for nine days. I guess that is the reason he didn't connect me. And yesterday night, around 0:00, I sent him a message which was just a greeting message. I always thinking to much at this kind of moment. Wiil he annoying me? Will he annoying my message? Maybe too many messages will give him to much pressure.  But at this moment, keeping in touch is the only way to insisit upon connecting him...

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Post time 2013-12-10 14:22:45 |Display all floors


What the guy is showing to you with his active attention is INTEREST IN YOU.

That´s a common and normal reaction from a person when is trying to get into a love relationship.


But I sill want to ask a questions. Do you think it is normal? Is it a common reaction when a boy likes a girl? Maybe he doesn't like me at all. Keeping touch just because he doesn't want to tell me the truth.



You looks like a very insecure woman or probably lack of experience.

I suggest you don´t be negative person, your last two statements you said it all.

If you like the guy and accepted him to have long chats, don´t kill the nice moments with nonsense worries that it doesn´t help to both of you.

Keep chatting with him, make questions about how he manage his daily stuff or what he will do in critical situations. You will discover how the thinks, how he reacts, how he behaves in different situations and you decide if he is the guy you are looking for.

Always be positive but with a sense of careful.



Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Post time 2013-12-10 14:30:41 |Display all floors
gattosonia Post time: 2013-12-10 09:28
Thank you, Smaug. I really need men's advices. I found it is very tough for me to guess and wait f ...
I always thinking to much at this kind of moment. Wiil he annoying me? Will he annoying my message? Maybe too many messages will give him to much pressure.  But at this moment, keeping in touch is the only way to insisit upon connecting him..


Too many messages ca kill the mood of the other person.

If you know his work schedule, you should limited yourself to respect his timing and space and not sending too many or several messages in the same day. It could considerated as a intromission or pressure and nobody likes that.

If you want to know more about him, act wisely and with calm. Never push situations or expect immediatly text replies from him when he is working. Just wait calmly.

Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Post time 2013-12-10 21:17:55 |Display all floors
I think it'll work out well for you, gattosonia. Good luck and let us know what happens when you meet.

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Post time 2013-12-11 10:44:02 |Display all floors
Smaug Post time: 2013-12-10 21:17
I think it'll work out well for you, gattosonia. Good luck and let us know what happens when you mee ...

Of course!! We are friends now~~  I will send you message when we meet or I can write a thread here!

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