Author: snowipine

Do Married men have the right for extramarital love ?   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2013-10-13 17:31:02 |Display all floors
snowipine Post time: 2013-10-13 14:30
Your opinions have give much deep analysis and presentation about relationship between couples in  ...

Yes I agree that traditionally man have been in the position to be the family providers.

Let me go deeper in my explanation.

Many Chinese women are currently single, especially those older than 30 years. They are in search of looking for the right guy, in many cases preferring to be single instead of being with someone, despite the cultural pressures laid upon them. In theory these woman are in search of someone to love, care and protect them in addition to them being attractive, financially stable with some social standing.
Okay lets just say they find such a guy, go through the romantic stage, prepare for the wedding e.g.
Everything is going well. Then straight after marriage, the woman doesn't see intimacy as part of their union. They just see their husband as the provider and security for the family. If this is the case, why wait for some long in finding the right partner, why not just marry the first guy that comes along if the end result will be the same. We as humans naturally need to feel the love from our partners through touch, intimacy and love making. You could almost argue that, maybe many guys fear marriage and commitment in the first place because of such situations after marriage.

Lets turn the situation around, for a lot of women after pregnancy physical appearance and confidence are an issue. What if the husband had a problem with his wife's physical appearance in avoiding showing her  the same intimacy he did pre-marriage/birth. How would the wife feel if her own husband rejects her because of the way she looks? This is quite a common problem, weather its a lack of confidence from the woman's side or the husband actually feels less attractive to his wife. Either way, someone out there will find this guys wife attractive, no need for me to you how this story ends!
In this situation, if it is real love the husband should support his wife, give her the closeness and intimacy she needs to keep that bond they have going.
You see without intimacy, its very hard for people who are unfaithful to see the wrong that they are doing. No one wants or should be in a relationship the rest of their life without that close connection.

Relationships are about balance, a balance of many needs, love, understanding, caring, patience, support the list goes on... a lack of anyone of these can challenge the harmony of a marriage.

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Post time 2013-10-14 03:32:53 |Display all floors
It depends. Ever heard of 'swingers?' I think it was quite popular in the US in the 60s. The couple loved each other, but were comfortable enough with sex and love that they realized one person could not satisfy the other 100%. So they both agreed to let the other sleep around.

So if the woman is OK with it, then it is OK. Same goes the other way.

But it really takes a special kind of person to be OK with one's spouse sleeping around, right? I consider myself open-minded, but I am absolutely NOT OK with my lady sleeping around. She feels the same way, so we don't sleep around.

I'm sure she notices attractive guys, looks them over, maybe even smiles at them sometimes. So do I, with attractive women. Restraint is the hardest part, as we were not evolved to be monogamous. We're fighting against nature to be so.

One thing that takes a while to learn, I mean to REALLY learn, is that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."  I've had many girlfriends in my dating days. In each case, there were things that were better and worse about each subsequent one than the one before. There's no point in looking for perfection.

If one is not satsified with one's spouse, one should tell him/her. If there is love and respect, they can work the issue out between them. If not, there's no point in being married, really. May as well either get divorced, or discuss being polygamous. ;)

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-10-14 06:35:30 |Display all floors
Smaug Post time: 2013-10-14 03:32
It depends. Ever heard of 'swingers?' I think it was quite popular in the US in the 60s. The couple  ...

Agree with your viewpoint.

One thing I here want make a supplement or give a emphasis。

When a man once married,it meant he has made a solemn commitment, he vowed the discontinuation of “special relationship” with other women, begins put his all love  on his wife and family。
Only when the marital relation was broken because the family internal irreconcilable contradiction occurred,and has come through certain legal and social official procedures,then the married man has the right to seek new female partner for relationship or marriage。

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-10-14 06:52:16 |Display all floors
truthbetold1 Post time: 2013-10-13 17:31
Yes I agree that traditionally man have been in the position to be the family providers.

Let me  ...

Excellent analysis and comment !
Good relationship between couples is the strong guarantee for the sound or healthy development of the family and the marriage。

Ignore or escape the responsibility of the family is the fundamental source for unstable marriage,and is the rooted reason for the extramarital affairs。

But the external influence has its contribution for the affairs and need to be reckoned with。

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-10-14 07:08:14 |Display all floors
RealMadrid1 Post time: 2013-10-13 12:46
In a word, "NO"

Marriage is the meeting of equals in a relationship where there are socially acce ...


Oh,dear Mister RealMadrid1,
First I really appreciate you begin discuss the question, the title had showed, directly。
Second,I want say,In your third paragraph of this replying post you gave out your deep and objective analysis on the phenomena“affairs”and its reasons。

Maybe here has other layers reasons we need further discussion。  

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Snowipine

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Post time 2013-10-14 07:46:36 |Display all floors
RealMadrid1 Post time: 2013-10-13 13:06
I have never heard such a proverb, and I cannot understand your explanation of it.

I ask a fundam ...

Oh, RealMadrid1
See your reply on the topic is my pleasure; and it shows you are concerning on the prevalence of this social phenomena.

But first of all, I regret that you haven’t heard,“women were made with water and,men were made with mud”  
So it’s unavoidable “I cannot understand your explanation of it.”

And second, the inquiring for a certain question to a post’s author “I ask a fundamental question - are you male or female?” is perhaps and maybe not the proper manner or attitude.

Your last two paragraphs echo the perspectives of Mister thruthbetold1 ‘s opinion, and basically I agree the viewpoints  from both of you. But if you can expand your observation includes China and beyond China it’s will be welcoming!

Finally, your “Based on your posts in this thread, you appear to be claiming that men are the instigators of an affair, seeking some freshness and excitement in their relationship.
Women do likewise, and you would be naive to think that this is not the case.” in the first part of the message still deflected the subject, at least you presented your irrelevant answers to the thread, which doesn’t like your last piece--reply message to me, this one is quite correct and have much meaning for reference.

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Post time 2013-10-14 11:19:27 |Display all floors
few men can resist the lure of a woman, especially she is younger and more attractive than your wife.
from a woman's prospective, men have to right to do everything, and if he has extramarital affairs, it is the embodyment that he is charismatic.

as a women unmarried, if she has affairs with a married man, she must have prepared in mental that her future husband may have the same experience.

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