Views: 5738|Replies: 7

[Dating advice] [Original]How communicative you are or you can be with your children? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-6-30 22:08:13 |Display all floors

This week was a little hard for me emotionally. My dad is not well in health and i will prepare a long trip to be with him. My nephew who last month was around my home has left and I miss him so much. Last Tuesday my daughter who just has finished the high school departed to a trip with her classmates to Europe, I missed to meet her in Washington airport to say good bye and good trip that for working matters made stay here, at the end I finished the week with a strong headaches that pushed me to see the doctor, finally I feel better.

Well, last Wednesday morning me and my wife were in a taxi going to the city when I  got the call from my daughter, she was calling me from the airport, she got her boarding pass already and after some suggestions and sweet phrases of care and love almost at the end of the call I threw one of my common questions to her ¨ok baby, one more question, do you have bf ?¨ she as usually release a shy laugh and  said ¨no, daddy, when I have it I will tell you¨, I replied her ¨mi amor (my love) I don´t say don’t have it, if you have it or not or when you have it, just be careful, I trust in you and I know you will know how to choose a good guy¨, she said ¨sure daddy, promise¨, so few more sad words and I left her depart, she was in the way to her departure gate. I hanged the phone and I kept silence but I felt my wife was staring on me, she saw me sad and she said ¨how lucky is your daughter¨,  I assumed she was reffering to her trip but she kept talking ¨when I was young my father never talked about love or bf or relationship to me or to my brother, he said I have to study and not to think about bf¨,  in a way to comfort her I said ¨my parents neither but they never discouraged me to have gf and I introduced them my ex gfs to them to make them feel well¨. During the short trip in the taxi and after, we talked a lot about our differences of our childhood and parents, where again I saw in my wife some disappointments.

Anyway, things has changed, nowadays the youth face more challenges in life and we (the parents) should prepared them to face sometimes the cruel reality.
I had long conversations with my daughters, both are well centered and well prepared in theory and  I feel they are ready to surpass or to face the ups and  downs in life. My older daughter already is a professional and has a excellent bf, seems she was lucky, was well prepared or simply smart, the guy is a really nice guy.

Nothing is guaranteed in this life, even with a good family education or with an excellent academic preparation we are not free to live bad experiences in any field but if the parents give to their children the confidence, support and balanced examples and advices could make the difference or reduce some risk in future.  Never imposing but suggesting, never directing but guiding, never yelling but making conversation, especially listening to them, if we don´t listen to them or invite them to talk we never will know what is going on with them.

Talk, talk and talk to them.


Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 4

Post time 2013-7-2 05:57:13 |Display all floors
I will remember this, as my daughter grows. Tomorrow, she turns 16. (months ;) )

When I was a kid in the 80s and 90s, my dad didn't ask at all. Mom asked, but I didn't want to tell her, as she always nagged so much and was so meddlesome. When I DID have a girlfriend and brought her home to Mom's, Mom was great. She was friendly to them, tried not to embarass me,(unless I got too cocky, then she would make sure I lost some face, hehehe) and always saw the good things in them. She saw the bad things in them, but was wise enough not to point them out until we had broken up. Then, she pointed them out to comfort me:

"I never liked her anyway. She was the conniving type."

"She would never talk to us. (family) Did she think she was hot stuff? Too good for us? and she wouldn't eat anything except salad or chicken strips. How annoying!"

or

"Yeah, she was dumb, but she sure whipped YOU into shape! She made a perfect boyfriend out of you!"

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2013-7-2 14:01:32 |Display all floors
This post was edited by KnowledgeWisdom at 2013-7-2 08:02

messi30, you got some good wisdom in you.

Yes, it is really important for parents to guide their children's development and behavior, of course it is not a guarantee that they will follow said advice as the choice is really up to them what they are going to do with what they receive.

But it is really important for children to understand that their parents is interested in them personally and that they are beloved in their parents eyes and heart as it opens the doors for them to seek your advice and council when they need it.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

August's Best Contributor 2012 July's Best Contributor 2012

Post time 2013-7-3 10:19:26 |Display all floors
{:soso_e179:} What a good father you are.
My father never say anything about this matter .
Only my mom told me not to have a GF in high school
Life is what you make of it

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-7-8 14:03:37 |Display all floors
Smaug Post time: 2013-7-2 05:57
I will remember this, as my daughter grows. Tomorrow, she turns 16. (months ;) )

When I was a kid i ...

Your mother did good. She kept the distance and respect your spaces. I can imagine her comments after the broke up, hahahaha.
My parents didn´t talk to me about it and same as your mother,my mother talked to me about her, goods and bads about her  and she came with ther advices, she was great at that time when I didn´t have such kind of relationships expereinces.
Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-7-8 14:05:07 |Display all floors
KnowledgeWisdom Post time: 2013-7-2 14:01
messi30, you got some good wisdom in you.

Yes, it is really important for parents to guide their ch ...


Thanks for your words.

Parents should be involved in their children lives alll times but respecting their spaces and desisicions. The children needs the back up but not the imtromission.
Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-7-8 14:07:04 |Display all floors
DSseeing Post time: 2013-7-3 10:19
What a good father you are.
My father never say anything about this matter .
Only my ...

Do not worry, parents do their best under their khowledge but
we as parents or future parents shold take this task to be with our children but never over pretect then, keeping a certain distance but close to give them a hand.
Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

Use magic tools Report

You can't reply post until you log in Log in | register

BACK TO THE TOP
Contact us:Tel: (86)010-84883548, Email: blog@chinadaily.com.cn
Blog announcement:| We reserve the right, and you authorize us, to use content, including words, photos and videos, which you provide to our blog
platform, for non-profit purposes on China Daily media, comprising newspaper, website, iPad and other social media accounts.