Author: Danybrit

White Lies [Copy link] 中文

Post time 2013-5-21 13:34:28 |Display all floors
Reminder: Author is prohibited or removed, and content is automatically blocked

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

August's Best Contributor 2012 July's Best Contributor 2012

Post time 2013-5-21 14:54:26 |Display all floors
Smaug Post time: 2013-5-21 02:56
Here's an example:

My girlfriend is divorced. She told me many months ago that she and her son "nev ...

I'm afraid your girlfriend can't represent all Chinese women here.
It's not a culture issue.
If she said "ok" to her co-worker for seeing someone else, it means to me that she's not all committed to you.
I would have dumped her too as a Chinese man.  
If the "Ok" she said just meant "Maybe some other time", a way to kindly reject an offer without hurting her coworker's feeling, then it's ok.
It depends on the situation.
I used to have a girlfriend who refused to let her parants know our relationship, then we were done.
Because she hurt my feelings
Life is what you make of it

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 4

Post time 2013-5-21 21:30:46 |Display all floors
raton Post time: 2013-5-21 13:34
And you never have lied to her..?  liar!

No, I have never lied to her. It is not a good foundation on which to build a relationship.

As a matter of fact, I never lie to ANYONE.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2013-5-22 09:10:43 |Display all floors
I don't think that "One example is if a man asks her out on a date. Instead of just saying " No thanks, I have boyfriend" she will say something like" O no can do, my English no good enough to date American man" is as much a lie as it is the 'brush off'.
I take it you've never told a 'little white lie' to not hurt someone else's feelings?  
Chinese don't traditionally like to use the word "no", it is a negative, so they find other ways to express what they are thinking.  This is something you should learn.  She's not 'lying' she's simply expressing herself as tradition dictates her to do.  In case you don't know, the word "maybe" also means "no".  
Different cultures find different ways to deal with communication on a personal level.  I would much rather a girl give me the answer quoted above than to say, "no thanks, you're a loser and I don't want to have anything to do with you."  At least I would walk away with some modicum of pride.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2013-5-23 02:46:44 |Display all floors
roninxian Post time: 2013-5-22 09:10
I don't think that "One example is if a man asks her out on a date. Instead of just saying " No than ...

Yes I have figured out that "maybe" means no, and I know her ways well enough to know when she is saying no or yes to me, and yes I have told white lies, but if another woman was asking me out I would close the door to that option, I would be nice about it but she would know I had a Girlfriend that I was very happy with. Why would anyone not do this? What is so hard about saying I have Boyfriend?
So even if the problem is not with her Chinese cultural way of dealing with issues, she is dealing with Americans that are only encouraged to continue when she will not say "no".

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2013-5-23 02:57:42 |Display all floors
This post was edited by Danybrit at 2013-5-23 02:58
Smaug Post time: 2013-5-21 02:56
Here's an example:

My girlfriend is divorced. She told me many months ago that she and her son "nev ...

Smaug, I have has so many conversations just like your. It wears you down when all you want is an honest answer, I don't think its necessary to be a lawyer to just talk.
Maybe your correct, I should focus on intent instead of my concept of honesty.
Sometimes I feel guilty for asking so many questions to try and understand ,but she is the one not being open.
As for another example:
GF: " I have not been with another man in 5 years (NOTE: I do not ask about the past don't believe in it, but for some reason it is important to her and the longer I am with her the more she tells me and the more she asks about my past)
Then over the next few weeks and months she tells me about her two boy friends she has been with in the past 5 years.
Me: " Ummm did you not tell me that you have not been with a man for 5 years?
GF:" I have have not been with a man that I love like you in the past 5 years.
Me: " ??????? sigh okay thats clear as mud"
LOL why would she even have this conversation with me? I certainly dont tell her about my past relationships and I dont want to know about hers.
d

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2013-5-23 03:05:42 |Display all floors
This post was edited by Danybrit at 2013-5-23 05:09

Use magic tools Report

You can't reply post until you log in Log in | register

BACK TO THE TOP
Contact us:Tel: (86)010-84883548, Email: blog@chinadaily.com.cn
Blog announcement:| We reserve the right, and you authorize us, to use content, including words, photos and videos, which you provide to our blog
platform, for non-profit purposes on China Daily media, comprising newspaper, website, iPad and other social media accounts.