Author: voice_cd

Translation Contest Series NO 2   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2012-12-22 11:10:37 |Display all floors
goddess1 Post time: 2012-12-18 10:25
Zoushuhan, a family of three live in a small room which is less than 5 squire meters. She loves Sn ...

goddess1:


Zoushuhan①, a family of three live② in a small room which is less than 5 squire③ meters. She loves Snow White very much and always dream of wearing princess dress with queen crown. She hopes she can overcome the sinckness④ soon so that she can go back to⑤ hometown putting⑥ on princess dress.


My comments and suggestions:

① The correct way to write Chinese names in Pinyin is Zou Shuhan

② lives (a family, singular)

③ the correct spelling is 'square' not 'squire'

④ sickness (spelling mistake)

⑤ to her hometown

⑥ to put on


Incomplete entry.



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Post time 2012-12-22 11:12:14 |Display all floors
ven-tao Post time: 2012-12-18 11:01
Zuoshuhan is a 7-year-old girl,just like her peers,she likes dancing﹑singing﹑and playing.also has  ...

ven-tao:


Zuoshuhan① is a 7-year-old girl,②just like her peers,she likes dancing﹑③singing﹑and playing.also has her own dreams besides bald and pale ④faces.⑤but she is suffering ⑥neuroblastoma,⑦and still in the⑧ radiotheraphy stage.⑨


Zuoshuhan⑩ hold⑪ the camera and took  photos for her parents.⑫⑬shuhan's father is just 36 years old.⑭but his hair is touched with grey.⑮her mother Jiangxue wear a virescent⑯ T-shirt which her neighbors gave.⑰To cure her disease,⑱the couples haven't bought new clothes for 2 years.


My comments and suggestions:

The correct way to write Chinese names in Pinyin is Zou Shuhan

② leave a space after punctuation marks like commas, period, etc.

③ Instead of using (、), use a comma(,) to separate the elements in a series

④ face

⑤ capitalise the first letter of the first word after a period (.)

⑥ from

⑦ same as ②

⑧ undergoing

⑨ radiotherapy not radiotheraphy

⑩ same as ①

⑪ holds

⑫ same as ②

⑬ always capitalise the first letter of proper nouns

⑭, ⑮, ⑰, ⑱ same as ②

⑯ 淡绿色 is pale green


Incomplete entry.


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Post time 2012-12-22 11:15:00 |Display all floors
Lizachen Post time: 2012-12-18 11:12
本文节选自《大病儿童和他们的小小梦想》
Excerpts from an article entitled “Seriously ill children an ...

Lizachen

Excerpts from an article entitled “Seriously ill children and their small dreams”


Zuo Shuhan is 7 years old. Except the① bare head and pale face, she is no different from a normal girl of her age who likes dancing, singing and playing. Although she suffers from neuroblastoma and still undergoes radiotherapy, she has her small dream.


Her family of three lives in a house with an area of less than 5 sqm. Zuo who likes Snow White the most always imagines wearing the princess dress and a small crown. All that② she hopes is to return to her hometown and wear the princess dress after her disease is cured.


Zuo Xiaolong and his wife Jiang Xue are determined to cure their daughter’s disease. Their second daughter who was left behind in their hometown of Shaanxi is taken care of by their elderly parents whereas③ they took Shuhan to Beijing for treatment.


Shuhan is a lively and lovely girl who likes dancing.  In hospital she always bounces up and down on the bed performing for the ward mates. Shuhan feels happy about each hospitalization which other children are afraid of. “So I will feel better ④quickly. I can go home and attend kindergarten. I can also sing, dance and play with my younger sister.”


Zuo Shuhan stands at the door of the tiny house. Her family of three is crowded⑤ in the 5 sqm⑥ house of⑦ an area of single storey⑧ houses where migrant workers live.


Holding a camera, Zuo Shuhan takes picture of her parents. Zuo’s father, 36, is almost completely gray at the temples. Her mother, Jiang Xue, wears a light green T-shirt that was given by her neighbor. To cure little Shuhan’s disease, the couple hasn’t bought new clothes for almost 2 years.


My comments and suggestions:

① for her

② All she hopes (without 'that')

③ while

④ get well or be cured

⑤ lives

⑥ correct abbreviation of 5 square metres is 5 sq m

⑦ in

⑧ single-storey (a compound adjective requires a hyphen)


I like how you presented your entry, full translation and complete with the title of the article.

Only very few minor mistakes. Well done! {:soso_e179:}




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Post time 2012-12-22 11:20:07 |Display all floors
This post was edited by LoneAcorn at 2012-12-23 21:56

dolphinivy Post time: 2012-12-18 11:29


A Sick Girl's Dream


    Zuo Shuohan is seven years old. In addition to her b ...


dolphinivy:


                        A Sick Girl's Dream

    Zuo Shuohan is seven years old. In addition to① her bare head and pale face, she looks just like the normal girl②, liking③ dancing, singing, playing and having her own little dream. But she is a neuroblastoma patient and is  still in the stage of④ radiotherapy.


Zuo Shuhan lives in a small house⑤ less than 5 square meters with his parents. She likes Snow White best⑥ and always imagine⑦ herself wearing⑧ princess⑨ dress with a little crown. She keenly hopes her disease is⑩ cured. Thus, ⑪she can go back to their  hometowm⑫, putting⑬ on the princess skirt⑭.   


The couple, Zuo Xiaolong and Jiang Xue, are determined to cure the disease of little Shuhan. Thus, their younger daughter is left in the⑮ hometown of⑯ Shanxi province and is taken care of by their elderly parents. They will  bring Shuhan to Beijing for treatment.


Shuhan, who is lively and lovely, likes dance⑰ very much. In the hospital, she would bounce up and down in⑱ the bed, performing to the wardmate⑲. Each time hospitalization⑳, Shuhan is very happy. While other children are afraid to go to the hospital.㉑ " For this purpose I can get well soon. I can go to kindergarten in my hometown. I can sing, dance and play with my sister."㉒


Zuo Shuhan is standing at the door, all three of her family㉓ living in the house within㉔ 5 square meters. Here is  a cottage area,  the home of migrant workers.


Zuo Shuhan is taking photos of her parents. Her father, only ㉕at the age of 36, is already full of grey hair on the temples. Her mother, Jiang Xue, is in a light green T-shirt which is given by neighbours. In order to cure the disease of Shuhan, the couple haven't bought new clothes for two years.



My comments and suggestions:

① 'Apart from' would be better

② normal girls her age (girls, plural)

③ like

④ 'in the stage of' in this context is not correct, suggest using 'is still undergoing'

⑤ that is (adverb, to explain why the house is small)

⑥ the most

⑦ imagines

⑧ the

⑨ princess' (use possessive form)

⑩ will be

⑪ so

⑫ hometown (spelling mistake)

⑬ (can remove the comma) and put on

⑭ princess' gown

⑮ their (who's hometown)

⑯ in

⑰ dancing

⑱ on the bed (use 'on' - surface of sth)

⑲ must be plural

⑳ Every time she goes to the hospital

㉑ sentence structure

㉒ too many 'I can'

㉓ are (auxiliary verb)

㉔ that's less than

㉕ His father is 36 years old


Pay attention to correct usage of adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, present/past tense, etc and sentence structure.


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Post time 2012-12-22 11:22:29 |Display all floors
This post was edited by LoneAcorn at 2012-12-23 22:00

grace221798 Post time: 2012-12-18 15:12


PS:发现漏了一句,重发一遍 O(∩_∩)O~~ 本文节选自《大病儿童和他们的小小梦想》Exerpted from Seriously ...


grace21798:


Exerpted from Seriously Ill Children and Their Little Dreams

图片文字翻译:

Not① want to be an ill pricess②

The bare-headed③ Zuo Shuhan is dancing elegantly in the alley…

“I love dresses. Wearing a dress, I become a pricess④, but I do not want to be an ill pricess⑤. ”


The seven-year-old Zuo Shuhan, except her bare head and pale face, looks the same as other girls who love dancing, singing, playing and have their little dreams. However, she has to undergo radiotherapy due to neuroblastoma tumors⑧.


Zuo Shuhan lives in a less-than-5-square-metre house with her parents. What she loves most is Snow White, so she always dreams of wearing the pricess⑥ dress and the little crown. What she hopes most is to return to her hometown and put on the pricess⑦ dress after she is cured of the illness.


Zuo Xiaolong and his wife Jiang Xue had made up their mind to cure Little Shuhan, their elder daughter. Thus, they took Shuhan to Beijing for treatment, leaving their yonger⑨ daughter in Shaanxi, their homertown⑩, taken care of by⑪ the their elderly feeble⑫ parents.


The lovely Shuhan is fond of dancing very much⑬. ⑭In hospital, she would dance on the bed for her wardmates. Other children are often afraid to go to hospital, while Shuhan is happy with hospitalization. “Thus my illness can be cured of as soon as possible, so⑮ that I can go back to the⑯ kindergarten, I can⑰ sing and dance, and I also can play with my sister together.”


Zuo Shuhan is standing at the door to⑱ the 5-square-mter⑲ house in which she and her parent live. This area is full of bungalows⑳ for migrant workers.


Zuo Shuhan is taking picture of her parents. Her father, only 36-year old㉑, already has grey temples㉒, while her mother Jiang Xue wears a light green T-shirt sent㉓ by the neighbor. To cure Little Shuhan of her illness, the couple have not bought themselevs㉔ any new clothers for two years.


My comments and suggestions:

① Don't

② princess (spelling)

③ bareheaded is different from bald head (bareheaded is without covering for one's head, without wearing a hat/cap; bald head has no hair)

④,⑤, ⑥, ⑦ same as ②

⑧ word 'tumor' is redundant as 'neuroblastoma' already refers to a tumor

⑨ younger (spelling)

⑩ hometown (spelling)

⑪ in the care of their

⑫ elderly parents

⑬ very fond of dancing

⑭ When

⑮ then

⑯ go back to kindergarten

⑰ too many 'I can'

⑱ of their

⑲ 5 square meter (not 'mter')

⑳  The word 'bungalow' refers to 'low house with broad front porch'. Although bungalows are low-rise (single to one-and-a-half stories), I don't think a 5 sq m small house can accommodate a broad frontage or front porch. Use 'one-storey' or 'single-storey' instead.

㉑ 36 years old

㉒ greying at the temples

㉓ given

㉔ themselves (spelling)


Take note of misspelled words, and pay more attention to proper use of adverbs and prepositions.



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Post time 2012-12-22 11:24:29 |Display all floors
This post was edited by LoneAcorn at 2012-12-23 22:08

desperado123 Post time: 2012-12-18 16:14


《大病儿童和他们的小小梦想》Sweet dreams of little angels with bad illness



左书函今年7岁,除了光光 ...


desperado123:


Sweet dreams of little angels with bad illness


Zuo Shuhan is a 7-year-old girl.  Except the bald head and pale face, she loves dancing, singing, playing and cherishes lots of dreams in her mind like the girls at her age. But she got neuroblastoma tumors① and now is under② radiation therapy.


Zuo and her parents live in a room less than 5 sq meters③. Snow White is her favorite cartoon figure④ and thus she always images⑤ she could dress like the Snow White with princess's costumes⑥ and a crown upon her head. The biggest wish she has now is she could go home dressing like a princess happily and healthily.⑦


The father, Zuo Xiaolong, and mother, Jiangxue, made up their minds to cure their daughter's disease.  Therefore, the parents headed for Beijing with the daughter for better treatment while they had⑧ to leave their younger daughter ⑨home with her grandparents.   


The lovely girl shows her fascination over dancing. She liked dancing on bed for the roommates while she was in hospital. Different from other children who fear⑩ hospital, Zuo Shuhan is happy while being hospitalized cause⑪ she said "I could be cured faster in hospital thus⑫ I could go back home for⑬ kindergarten and I could dance, sing and play with my sister again."


Zuo Shuhan stands at the door of their 5-sq-meter⑭ dwelling, a temporary home for her and her parents. The majority of the tenants of this bungalow⑮ community are migrant workers.  


Zuo Shuhan takes a photo for⑯ her parents. The⑰ 36-year-old father sees⑱ grey hair around sideburns. The couple have not gotten any clothes for themselves for Shuhan's treatment and the light green T shirt the mother has now is a donation from a neighbor.  


My comments and suggestions:

① word 'tumor' is redundant as 'neuroblastoma' already refers to a tumor

② undergoing (in the process)

③ There should be consistency, if you wish to use abbreviation, abbreviate both words: sq m or square metre.

④ cartoon character

⑤ imagines

⑥ costume, without 's'

⑦ This sentence is a bit awkward. You can write it this way: Her greatest wish is to get cured, then go back to her hometown and wear the princess gown.

⑧ they (plural) have

⑨ at home

⑩ going to the

⑪ because

⑫ conjunction 'so' would be better

⑬ to attend

⑭ same as ③ and no hyphens

⑮ 'bungalow' refers to 'low house with broad front porch'. Although bungalows are low-rise (single to one-and-a-half stories), I don't think a 5 sq m small house can accommodate a broad frontage or front porch. Use 'one-storey' or 'single-storey' instead.

⑯ of

⑰ Her

⑱ has

T-shirt (hyphenate)


Minor errors. Good job!

Take note of singular/plural forms, collocations, conjunctions, when to use/not use hyphens.



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Post time 2012-12-22 11:25:19 |Display all floors
zewdu Post time: 2012-12-19 09:59
Zuo Shuhan is a seven-year-old girl. Except for her bold head and pale face, she likes to dance, sin ...

zewdu:

Zuo Shuhan is a seven-year-old girl. Except for her bold head and pale face, she likes to dance, sing and to play games, and has her own little dream, just like other girls①. But she suffers form neuroblastoma and is receiving radiation therapy.

My comments and suggestions:
① just like other girls her age

Incomplete entry

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