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“剩女”的标签对女性生活造成了巨大的伤害，它催促我们为了结婚而结婚。这不可避免地打造了一个充满无爱婚姻与婚外情的社会，使我们和我们的孩子陷入经济、情感和心理上都不安全的生活状态。In this way, the leftover-woman stigma wreaks havoc with women's lives. It hurries us into marriage-for-the-sake-of-marriage. The inevitable result is a society full of loveless marriages and extramarital affairs, leading us and our children into lives of financial, emotional and spiritual insecurity. |
In defense of Chinese men
Recently I was on Beijing TV when a glamorous 40-something Chinese guy informed me that my views on family are unrealistic and un-Chinese. Because, he explained, 40-something Chinese guys only want 20-something women who will idolize them.
I disagree with his assessment. To the contrary, my conversations with Chinese men make me optimistic about the future for men and women in China.
While I've met only a small fraction of all the men in China, the men I've met are extraordinarily thoughtful and interesting, and searching for the same things women are. As in: a good life and a wonderful partner with whom to share that life. And children, who are happy and well-prepared for life.
Are there some Chinese men only interested in being the objects of women's worship? Sure. But if we as women demand mutual respect and partnership, those men eventually will have to come around or be left alone.
Be a headhunter
Most men are cautious about marriage. They're afraid of being trapped with the wrong partner. So today, we have a system where men do the choosing, and women wait, hope, and sometimes, scheme, to be chosen. But since women bear most of the risks of marriage and parenting, we need to be at least as cautious as men.
要用猎头的方式去寻找自己的Mr. Right。这很接近于我的情况，我已经作了七年的职业猎头，为跨国企业寻找CEO和其他高管。有趣的是，猎头的工作教会了我如何选择自己的Mr. Right。
Become a headhunter for your Mr. Right. This analogy is close to me because for seven years, I worked as a professional headhunter, finding CEOs and other top executives for global companies. And the funny thing is, being a headhunter taught me how to choose my Mr. Right!
Many career women agonize over every career choice, and yet sail almost at random into boyfriend relationships. But that's an upside-down way to approach our lives. We're now living through massive economic change, and that means that over the years, we'll have good jobs and bad jobs, good bosses and horrible bosses, we will work for good companies and bad companies.
When it comes to our careers, as long as we're growing every day, we can turn any career mistake into a learning experience.
But marriage is a forever decision. The fact is, for most women today, the major potentially devastating mistake available to us the consequences of which can wreck our lives and the lives of our future children, is the choice of whom we marry.
This is the most important decision of your life
So, relax about your career decisions, and focus on not bungling the big one. Now, not only can you choose your man, but you must.
Every headhunter knows that for any search to be successful, you need: lots of candidates! So get out there, expand your social network, meet and make friends with lots of men, including those you think you'd never date. Because becoming friends with lots of interesting men, and women, is the best way to access the many candidates you need to successfully complete the most important search of your life.
Besides, headhunting is fun! Men and women think differently, and even just as friends, men can bring us lots of fun and new perspectives. And befriending lots of men, most just as friends, some as lovers, helps hone our headhunting skills, helping us understand what we need from a life partner.
Marriage is life's most profound decision. Choose wisely. When you get this decision right, you'll be able to give your children the best possible gift: a family that's warm, happy and secure. They deserve that, you deserve that, and so does he.