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Do Chinese People are really friendly to anyone?   [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2012-10-17 10:30:05 |Display all floors



I want to know why some things happen and how to make a change about it.


Usually I like to talk to people wherever I go, friends said I am a good talker and I am a friendly guy. In China I have the same great experiences with local people whoever I started a conversation or for work matters, but unfortunately my Chinese language skills are poor, so my communication with Chinese people is limited in many occasions but local people feel glad after small chat and so did I.


When I found some difficulties in communication I would call my Chinese wife for help. She is a kind of woman who is always open, friendly, open minded, always with good mood and willing to give a hand to anyone, she is not only the person who I deeply love, she is my partner, my supporter, my heart and she is my bless from God.


To make my story short I want to express my disappointment that I experienced  my recent years in China.


For example:

- When I attended a meeting with Chinese business men, all are fine and friendly. Then, for work matters, I took my wife with me the second time, they did not pay too much attention to her.

- When I talked to my local friends , all were fine in the reception of the conversation with me , but if next time I am with my wife, they are cold, not too friendly and mostly ignored her presence.

- When I walk my dog around our private community, the security guards wave their hands saying "hello " to me, when my wife walks our dog by herself, some of those guards ignore her and if they are in bad mood they complaint about our big dog with nonsense reasons, shouting or in bad manners (it happened few times but it happens).

- When I go to the bank by myself the service i got is excellent and the employees are willing to collaborate with me, when I go with my wife and she ask for some info. they are cold but they give her the info.

- In different occasions my wife called some foreign embassies for visa information and the Chinese people who works in that visa department in those foreign embassies behave nasty and not willing to help, in that occasion I was upset and I made the phone call to complain about it and they simply denied and felt ashamed.


Sometimes when I travel to Europe or Latin America my friends greeted me and the first question they ask is ¨how is your wife?¨, also my family asked about her, it’s the main question my relatives and friends drops.


When I am in China and I meet my local friends, almost nobody ask for my wife, the main question is ¨how is the business?¨


I asked some foreign friends who are married with Chinese women, I told them my experiences and most of them agreed with me, they had the same experiences in different occasions too.


Ok, I don’t want to make a fuss here but I can not tolerate a bad behavior towards my wife or  the way they ignore her but show all the kindness for me. It´s not fair this kind of behaviors for the ppl in same country towards each other.



Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Post time 2012-10-17 11:15:29 |Display all floors
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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2012-10-17 18:03:39 |Display all floors
raton Post time: 2012-10-17 11:15
There is an element of resentment amongst Chinese married to foreigners and whilst I am married to a ...
whenever is required the presence for translation purposes I never introduce her as my wife but rather as my translator.


You are very smart of doing that way.
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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2012-10-17 18:17:12 |Display all floors
- When I attended a meeting with Chinese business men, all are fine and friendly. Then, for work matters, I took my wife with me the second time, they did not pay too much attention to her.
I guess for doing businesses that you take  your wife as a supporter and those chinese businessmen took it offensive as they can not cheat on you with your wife know exactly what was going on there.
I think that is the reason they tried to ignore her and not giving too much attention.

- When I talked to my local friends , all were fine in the reception of the conversation with me , but if next time I am with my wife, they are cold, not too friendly and mostly ignored her presence.
That is really bad indeed. Means your local friends are not real and faked nice to you.

- When I walk my dog around our private community, the security guards wave their hands saying "hello " to me, when my wife walks our dog by herself, some of those guards ignore her and if they are in bad mood they complaint about our big dog with nonsense reasons, shouting or in bad manners (it happened few times but it happens).
That is the situation which is hard to make a comment.  As I used to live in China in different areas and I noticed that most security guards are cold and not nice talkers.

- When I go to the bank by myself the service i got is excellent and the employees are willing to collaborate with me, when I go with my wife and she ask for some info. they are cold but they give her the info.
They are nice to you because you are foreigner, they are not nice to your wife as she is Chinese, they have no interests for a chinese - same kinds.
- In different occasions my wife called some foreign embassies for visa information and the Chinese people who works in that visa department in those foreign embassies behave nasty and not willing to help, in that occasion I was upset and I made the phone call to complain about it and they simply denied and felt ashamed.
PPl who work in embassy think they are damn good esp. in the position of issuing you a visa or not. Many government officers nowadays are better than before.
         
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Rank: 4

Post time 2012-10-17 18:25:56 |Display all floors
everybody gets mistreated sometimes, even local chinese. you are lucky for being well treated, you can ask for better treating,but "asking ain't getting". get used to it
I want to exit from CD

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2012-10-17 18:39:11 |Display all floors
Maybe your wife is too ugly. I don't like to talk with ugly people frankly.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2012-10-17 20:07:00 |Display all floors
Perhaps it's also a matter of perception. I often don't even realize it when people in China are treating me unfriendly, as I simply consider their behaviour clumsy rather than spiteful. My Chinese friends are much more sensitive to how much they are respected and how well they are treated by others.

Of course, this leads to a positive dynamics: when they make mistakes and you still consider them nice, people will feel save with you and don't become anxious.
If they make a small mistake and your beautiful wife considers them stupid, they will become anxious, angry and agressive - which is outright bad behaviour. Of course, this will get your wife even less patient and that's how they end up stuck in a vicious circle.

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