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culture diff - chinese girls do not pay anything in a relationship?   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2012-5-15 21:29:43 |Display all floors
This post was edited by momowowo at 2012-5-17 18:24

Hi,
I have lived with a chinese girl for over a year now. We keep arguing about money.

In my country I am used to that when you live together you share expenses. My girlfriend, who is from Wenzhou, tells me that her background is that she should not pay for anything at all, I must pay for everything. She tells me this is normal in China and she gets very, very upset when I ask for her to help with expenses.

I love her deeply {:soso_e166:} and only want to work out a fair balance between us given we come from two different culture backgrounds. It frustrates me very much how come she gets so angry when I try to talk to her about this and she says asking her for help shows that I don't fully love her.

I hope somebody can help me with a better understanding of how I best deal with this aspect in a relationship with a chinese girl.

Thanks.

M

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Post time 2012-5-16 16:18:36 |Display all floors
130+ views and no replies. Am I posting this the wrong place? I saw somebody else who posted a similar post here.

I hope somebody can help me with advice.

Cheers
M

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Post time 2012-5-16 16:21:55 |Display all floors
momowowo Post time: 2012-5-16 16:18
130+ views and no replies. Am I posting this the wrong place? I saw somebody else who posted a simil ...

Just wait until you get married.  You will be expected to buy a house for her and maybe her family, or pay a big amount of money to them.  Greedy culture.

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Post time 2012-5-16 16:47:08 |Display all floors
This post was edited by longzhou at 2012-5-16 16:49

This is a two way road M. On the one side you should understand the cultural differences between your country and the one you are living in; in China, true, girls are used that males pay everything for them. On teh other side, she should understand that she's with a foreigner and thus maybe not used to this situation since it is not common (I would even say very unfrequent) back in your country.

Being from Wenzhou, land of great business people, it wouldn't suprise me if she asks for you to buy a house, since in China, many times, marriage is consider like a business transaction. Of course you can say NO, and that will be it; but her parents will not be willing to accept your relationship.

My advise; try to explain to her that you need time to adapt to such things (giving your salary to her once youa re married, letting her eventually check your mobile phone calls and messages, etc...). My guess is that, additionally you might not be very fluent with the language so that means many cultural things that happen around a couple escape your understanding; for example 女人说话, 男人听话! (women speak, men listen).

Wish you good luck and patience.

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Post time 2012-5-16 19:37:03 |Display all floors
This post was edited by momowowo at 2012-5-17 15:38

Thanks for the advice Longzhou.

I live in Australia together with my girlfriend.

It is difficult to understand when she makes good money and says she will spend it on whatever she wants (she rarely spend any money on anything for me or for our place). It seems to me that this view probably originates from a) historical tradition where the man worked and the woman was at home - my parents are from this generation, and b) there are fewer girls compared to guys in China today which may cause some girls to be more 'picky' so to speak.

Given that China has gone through a major modernization, and the divorce rates are increasing, the old traditions of forever married are disappearing, I feel sorry for any guys that potentially have put their life savings into a marriage that ends in a divorce ends up with little or nothing and the girl walks away with all she saved for the entire marriage. This doesn't seem fair to me in these modern days with equality and a couple in a relationship should help each other and build a future together.  

My girlfriend feels I don't love her for real if I don't pay for all and that I'm 'calculative' when I ask for help with expenses. My view is the opposite that if she does not want to share/contribute to a relationship then she is not really loving me and she is calculative... hard!

I love my girlfriend and want to spend my life with her so I am desperately trying to find a solution/alternative. I hope we can find each other somewhere on this two way road and be at peace.

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Post time 2012-5-16 20:00:59 |Display all floors
She tells me this is normal in China


Well tell her you are not in China right now and that she should adapt to the country she lives in.
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Post time 2012-5-16 21:04:46 |Display all floors
So why are you still in love with her? Are you sure that she lioves you as much as you love her?
Life is what you make of it

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