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Matchmaking agencies for foreigners also prove that the reason that Chinese women want to find foreign husbands isn’t love. Investigations have shown that the average difference between a Chinese bride and her foreign husband is 10.5 years. 13% of brides and grooms are from different generations, with a 20 year difference in ages. Apparently the record is a 54 year age difference. The American groom was an 82-year-old old man, while the Chinese wife was only 28.|
As chance would have it, I recently saw a joke in an American magazine: An eighty-something old man accompanied his pregnant twenty-something wife to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor kindly tried to suggest to him whether [his wife's pregnancy] may have had some other cause, but the old man immediately refused to believe it saying, “Impossible. I’m capable of working miracles. Last time when I went out hunting with my wife and one of her male friends came too. I just pointed my umbrella at a deer and it fell down dead.” [I don't get it either - maxiewawa]
I don’t know if that Chinese bride will let everyone know the good news about her pregnancy, so that we can all share in a real miracle. She’s probably gained something in her marriage, but has lost something very precious: respect.
But actually the fault lies with those Chinese women who go around with foreign men. But they are mostly women who haven’t been overseas, who don’t have a realistic view of the world. This is why I’m taking the opportunity to tell them how things really are. If you’ve found real love, I congratulate you. My personal feeling is that no matter how far, how long or how fleeting real love is, it’s always worth chasing.
Even so, I have to give you a word of advice. Firstly, although the thing that most Chinese women want is a stable marriage, apart from a few exceptions, the divorce rate in western countries is around 50%, and in marriages between cultures there are even more reasons for instability.
Secondly, I am highly skeptical of whether today’s foreign men will really give Chinese women true love. The reason is because before you can have true love, you must have respect, and in the eyes of foreign men, the image of Chinese women have already begun to be ruined by the minority, having become: The world’s most promiscuous, most brazen, most devious, simple-minded, intellectually slow, stupid, “easy” girl. It’s hard to imagine a man giving true love to a woman like that. There’s one exception, which an American told me about, which is those foreigners who want their wives to be a three-in-one combination of maid, cook, and sex worker.
Maybe you’re just doing it for money. I get it, I’m not stopping you. But I just want to tell you before you give up your body that you should make sure of two things: one, that this foreigner you’re giving yourself up for really has money. Trust me, lots of foreigners in China don’t have two cents to rub together. Secondly, that he really wants to marry you, because if he doesn’t formally marry you, his money is his and you have no claim to it.
Maybe you just want to leave the country, again, I’m not stopping you. But once again, you have to make sure of two things before giving yourself up: one, that this foreigner really wants to go back to his own country. Although foreign countries have more money than we do, that’s a long way from heaven. Lots of foreigners don’t want to go home because they can’t find good jobs (some can’t even find jobs at all). You think they want to go back to the same crummy, lonely life? Secondly, make sure that he’s really going to marry you. Because if you don’t you won’t be able to get permanent residency in his country.
The daughter of a neighbor of a workmate married a farmer from a Japanese mountain area. This neighbor is always telling my colleague stuff like “We don’t worry about money any more, ten thousand, twenty thousand, it’s nothing.” But, dear neighbor, do you know if your daughter is really happy in Japan. Chinese value face over everything, and always bringing out the good points in people while overlooking the bad. A few years ago a Chinese TV station went out to that mountain village to interview this girl. She’d left the bright lights of Shanghai for this remote, cold little village. All I heard from her was disappointment, frustration and helplessness.
Maybe your reasons are sexual? In Australia there is a Ms. Shi who wrote an article saying “…. I have a girl friend who in China was already considered was quite open, a woman who has had abundant sexual experience. However, the first time she was with a western man, she still felt a kind of extreme “fulfillment”. Telling me about it on the phone, she was so excited that she was thinking of immediately marrying that westerner, whereas I rather calmly advised her that western men that are good in bed are common, that out of every ten western men, eight are great in bed while two are just so-so, that out of every ten Chinese men, two are just so-so while eight are awful.”
As soon as Ms. Shi’s article became widely known, Chinese men clamoured to defend themselves.The subject was in the papers for several months, with debate continuing so heatedly that apparently it made headlines in international news overseas. But this was a subject that did no favours for Chinese men.