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Play to Win
You know the athletic wisdom that warns against playing not to lose, that argues you have to be loose to let your skills flow and maximize your game? Same goes for marriage. Oh, sure, you can have a perfectly fine little partnership by taking the cautious route. He & She Inc. may even hum along nicely if you companionably sidestep the briar patches. But that's no way to be a great husband. She's entitled to more, the full monty, the whole experience of being affiliated with, no, make that loved by, a man.|
People often settle for accommodating coupledom because they're afraid some explosive issues will blow up the marriage. They fear ending their days alone, living under the bridge behind the high school. Set yourself free to play bravely by taking the big risk, divorce, off the table. Decide that you meant what you said at the wedding, that this woman, come what may, is your partner for life.
Older couples often report that once they've gone past the point where they might leave each other, their partnership gets an invigorating second wind. No longer afraid of being alone, they talk things through. In pursuit of something richer than mere amity, they explore regrets, grievances. Sure, it can be difficult, but it's full and human and adrenal and—hallelujah!—not dull. And it can lead to a more spacious marriage, a connection that is full hearted and well tempered instead of taped together.