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I have a woman waiting for me in Guangxi. We have been talking for over a year. We have video/audio chat almost every day, often for many many hours. This has gone on way past the "obsession" stage, we truly can talk for that long every day. We know almost everything about each other. She is smart, considerate, kind, dependable, pretty, and our personalities match so well. We are even at the point where we can often finish each others sentences. I really cannot wait to be with her. |
Another woman, that I've known for about the same amount of time, I haven't talked with her ANYWHERE near as much. She is also pretty but not gorgeous (actually, my beauty requirements are very low, it's not that important to me). She is rude, curses alot (I actually like this, I curse alot too), acts like she doesn't care about anyone (but she does), and seems so obsessed with fashion, brand name products, and looking good. On the plus side, I have fun when talking with her and laugh alot. That is it, really.
In my mind, I should love the first one. In fact, I'm fairly certain I do and would not say I am love with the second one. However, perhaps you can help me answer this, why is it that, when I dream, I dream about the second one? Never the first one. I don't understand this at all and it's really messing with my brain. I've had lots of "sexy" dreams before but it was always women I didn't know. I could never see their faces. In fact, I think this may be the first time I had that kind of dream where I could see her face. It's also not just the sexiness part... most of the dream was simply being close, loving. I think that's what bothers me the most. If it was just a sexy dream, I could simply say it was crazy subliminal lust... but it wasn't. When I woke up, my heart ached and I wanted to be with her. Why? How could I even want to be with her, I don't even know her that well. It is like my unconscious is disagreeing with my mind on who I should pursue.
I don't know what to do. Maybe nothing. Is it fate trying to guide me to the second girl? Should I be more romantically agressive towards the second girl? The first girl and I agreed we should be open to other people, simply due to how long it would be before we can meet, but I must admit that both of us would be jealous and hurt. How can I get the second girl out of my brain, especially when sleeping?
Very frustrating situation. It's like I don't know who I am, anymore.