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CAN YOU TRUST HIM/HER AGAIN?|
I am not very bright so i may get this wrong too. Also it's not easy to get into the minds of men to try and rationalize their actions. For that matter, some women too!
Maybe it has to do with society. You'd hardly hear of men being asked to place as much importance on faithfulness to women as they would on their scout's honor or their company's mission statement.
If caught, they are more often than not excused as wild oats blown into the wrong fields by forces of nature with their conscience stretched by some vague and hitherto unproven anthropological belief that men are born hunters. And these days they don't just hunt buffaloes.
On the other hand, women are groomed to abide by a silent code of conduct because, apparently, they are seen to be the nucleus of the family unit, domesticated to discharge good example to their children in such matters as trust-based relationship-building.
This is easily proven. The first thoughts of women when they discover they have been cheated is to rationalize their next course of action with their children in mind first.
Perhaps all this is because the way relationships are cemented have changed.
For men, the exchange of peace-pipes inside toupees to avert the next tribal war has progressed to imbibing excessive quantities of intoxicating beverages in dark cozy lounges where it won't be just the tobacco haze and dim lights which will numb the senses to such an extent that the search for oxygen has to proceed south of the navel.
Business pressure is a term yet to be added to the lexicon of today's workplace only because it is as implicit as entertainment accounts, some of which being of such magnitudes that they have torpedoed a number of high-powered organizations in due course.
Perhaps with each decibar of pressure the resistance weakens, and the line that divides business from family gets blurred, furthermore abetted by another factor....the ease by which personal reward can be decided and claimed for all those hours and days of hard, high-pressured, work out there in that jungle just to bring back the week's spoils for the family table, furthermore without any inborn ability to share with a sympathetic ear how hard it has been to make such trifling amounts.
Nature abhors vacuums and pressure built here has been rationalized until it can be released there. Too often, boredom is also swept under the category of pressure subsection work.
In some cases, all this is because ears which should have been sympathetic were closed in order for the eyes to catch the next drama episode. It is something of a tragedy of modern day life that the very episode being shown tells the same story that is being enacted right in the same living or bed room.
So it remains to be said that there is currently no mentoring system in the world which teaches men how to take work pressure without succumbing to the need to go out and relieve it by sowing some oats in order to stave off global warming. Maybe women should get together and start such a course.
And that ends this side of the gramophone record. Flipping to the other side...
Trust. Trust as an emotion in an xx-xy chromosomal setting is more than trust in a business setting.
In the latter, there is both verbal and documented contractual commitments which delimit actions that will break the working trust and trigger arbitration.
In the former, there is perhaps something else, since having a marriage contract would cheapen the very notion of what spousal love should be.
Maybe it comes back to memory. She (or he) is presumably the first and only person who has said that sweetest but shortest word of them all. Yes.
A marriage is not just about commitment or ceremony or children or enrichment or status.
It is about the most unique, bi-personal and continuous experience in all of life.
All the roses and chocolates in the world cannot hold a candle to a couple whose hairs have grown white in equal measure but whose eyes in diminishing capacity can yet still see each other as clearly now as it was for them so many decades ago.
And since the two lives are shared as one, the pain he has every day is the pain she carries inside her too without his prompting. Vice versa.
If a man realizes this as frequently as he remembers that moment when she had said yes, then he should make it his daily mission in life to lessen the load she will carry in her heart which is caused by her losing her trust in him.
For it is not any ordinary load. It is the load that sits right at the very point which determines her entire being.
And that can only be so because she sees him as the only fulcrum in her life, the only new, encrypted, most special, password-protected, non-hackable, multipurpose identity card.
The reason, color, song, frame, soaring spirit, and all of her existence in society.
He is her only safe harbor in a world of tsunamic waves.
When she looks at herself in the mirror, she doesn't see that freckly, giggly girl with the ponytail. She sees only one hot momma complemented by only one presumably balding man in this world of many hunks.
For most women, marriage is the only institution that they will identify with. Other than the SPCA.
Which leaves one question which i cannot answer....
does he feel differently if she has to work too?