Author: suffering2

I love my parents but... [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2009-4-28 09:10:02 |Display all floors
your parents are somewhat selfish, but the original purpose of them is to let your live a rich and comfortable life. they don't want your future life to be like them who have to keep their daily life by hard working. maybe their own marriage was also introduced or influenced by their own parents, but after years' marriage life ,right now they are in deep love with each others. so in their opinion, although at the beginning of a marriage, there are some problems between you and your husband, after years of daily life everything will be fine.

but in this case ,as you said, you have suffered from your marriage  for so many years. it seems to become worse than before, which has difinitely proved that this is a totally fail marriage and it will lead you to a inevitable unhappiness. then you should terminate it.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2009-4-28 09:18:55 |Display all floors
Originally posted by comeisgone at 2009-4-27 17:50



you have no face to come back to shanghai???  you are totally same as your parents----you should not hate them.  ALL IT WAS YOUR CHOICES, left your ex-bf, married your husband,....

of cou ...


comeisgone, I totally agree with you. The final decision is made by us. When we talking about marriage or we are going to get married, we have to think over about the future life. In my opinion, love is the basic factor that lead to marriage. If there is no love between the husband and wife, the marriage will be painful.
Age and Losing face do not mean everything, and they are not so important. The most important is what you want to have or what you care the most.

So suffering2, choose another brandnew life. You will live a better life if you abandon your present life. Life is full of expection and hopes. If you try, you will get it. If you never try, you won't get it definately.

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Post time 2009-4-28 11:12:29 |Display all floors
It is the most important thing that you do the  choice.

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Post time 2009-4-28 20:56:14 |Display all floors
Firtsly, I thank you all for advise and all comments of good and negative.

My parents tell me I will be happy if I find rich man to marry and not to the poor boy. I understand they want to sure of the future of my life and believe them. I know now is for them to be happy only. We are not poor as we even have a car and have apartment before. My mom say she will loose the face to the relatives and friends if I continue with my ex bf. She say many negative things and also say she will suicide. My father just agree with my mom. I feel very weak and tired to reason with them about my ex bf relation for many times. Now I feel very regret to obey them and satisfy my my parents selfishness and jealousness from relatives and friends. Now they even can travel because of money my husband give them before. I feel very regret and angry when I telephone my mom. I feel very hurt. I feel they abandon me. I feel afraid and shame to tell my close friends and other close relative of my sad life now because I feel they will laugh at me so I write to here for to release my unhappy feelings. I just pretend I am ok when they contact me.
If I divorce what will happen to my parents. I still care for them but also I feel bitterness in my heart. And I also do not want my husband to beat me again.  I don't dare go out very long if my husband call to the house. If he become angry and in the night come home drunk he sometimes beat me. I feel dirty in the body when he use my body. So shameful to tell. My body hurt and also the heart and the mind.
I know now is rich persons have money and can buy many things also girls especially desperate girls and desperate parents. So sad that people care more for money than life happiness.
This life is too terrible complicated and hurt. I feel very regret for my choice. I feel crazy in the head. I wish I have just the simple life. I sometimes think to end the life because I feel so alone and no one care to me. But thank you for the good advises. I hope to be able to be endure the life. Now I refuse go to his business trips. No more ktv. Better to beat me than molested by some foreigner clients of my husband.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2009-4-28 21:07:13 |Display all floors
a long story but in deep sorrow.

as your parents cast all their eyesight to money and never cared about your true feelings, why do you still be afraid of their losing houses that originally donnot belong to them. one should be realistic and never to take that beyond one's reach.

you should firstly find a job, even though you have little work experience, and to support yourself. many of us have few friends in a new big city, that's normal, the colleages would be your friends, and you can also know more though their introduction.
gradually, more involvement in social activities, through which you will meet more and you may find some close friends. more communicaiton and friends will make you happier. you have to walk out of the shadow as early as possible.

a divorce is unavoidable, whatever he say, even if he threatens to reclaim the houses bought for your parents. we used to repect our respectful parents, but if they donnot pay any attention to their lovely girl, what do you still care about them for? they should rely on themselves.

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Post time 2009-4-28 21:18:11 |Display all floors
The road ahead is long, and there is still several dacades.
If you donnot make up your mind to make a change, there's only misery left, and the longer time you endure, the more bitter you get.
it's time to take some effective measures.

Besides, you can go to a psychologist to make yourself feel better. and you can turn to a lawyer. Actuallly you know what to do and what you should do, but you considered too much..where there is fire, there must be blood. If wanna a change, there must be some pains, that's the normal and worthy price.

[ Last edited by lhlh0628 at 2009-4-28 09:20 PM ]

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Post time 2009-4-28 21:23:00 |Display all floors
if a friend was in your positon, what will you say to comfort her and what's your advice?

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