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Yeah, it’s Friday. And the test is on Sunday. Hope I can pass it.|
Last night I had a nice sweet dream, the days back to five years ago, someone loved me tender, and cared for me no matter where and when. It warmed my heart which has already cooled off all these years. I didn’t want to wake up subconsciously. So……, I got up late, and almost late for work. I understand I don’t love him any more, perhaps I feel lonely.
Yesterday afternoon, I chat with a new friend in QQ, it seems he is a danger, like me, we have something in common; we can be very extreme sometime. The different is he has already do that and potentially will continue next time, and I just think about it, no action so far. Perhaps I am studying foreign culture, my mind, my viewpoint and my thinking are changing now, more open. Max had ever said, when you learn foreign language, you have to forget you own language. I extend the situation to forget my traditional culture. I even accept that have sex with someone even you don’t love is acceptable. (of course, I haven’t do this so far, and won’t in future). When you put yourself in this wide world with a high density of population, you are the one, just like one small drop in endless sea, you are nothing. So the mind of human is very various, you have got to accept the new, the different, even the disgustful. The other way round.
As usual, I make breakfast, prepare for dinner, and then go to work by crowded and dirty bus. I hate to take the bus when wearing a skirt, any body contact on bus disgust me.
I am thinking about how to improve my Speaking all the time, but till now, still no answer. To find a foreigner BF, yes, I’d like to. But I afraid I’ll be hurt badly. Or just game for laugh. But I am sure if I can work harder, I can make a big progress. I believe myself, as long as I pay more time and can focus.
I should make a specific time table (already sticking on my desk in my apartment for a long time), and follow it strictly, and most difficult and important meanwhile is to keep on it.