Author: heroodle

余光中《尺素寸心》(节选)译   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2011-7-27 14:52:39 |Display all floors
Replying a letter does make me flinch; however, unreplied letters allow me no release at all这两句就很中式。

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Post time 2011-8-20 09:51:53 |Display all floors
pretty good 赞!!!

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Post time 2011-8-31 15:45:21 |Display all floors

文笔真好

翻译得真好!大赞一个,请问平时都读什么书呢?
Welcome to my Blog
http://Estana.blog.bokee.net/

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Post time 2011-9-12 12:25:11 |Display all floors
[color=Red]I did the exact same work back in 2004 at GuangWai, now I try to give my coimment if you do not mind.

Replying a letter (note: plural form or a revision is much better)does make me flinch; however, unreplied letters allow me no release at all. Dozens of unreplied letters pile up on my bookshelf, (note:so far you have used three words which are of the same root--reply,which is not so acceptable)like a sum of debt waiting to be paid(note: I would rather use IOU or a revision). Some have been waiting there for over one year, while some have newly arrived(note: the opposite of the word some should be others). The pressure from paying off that debt is far beyond what a junior debtor (note: junior debtor is confusing)can endure. The stack of unreplied letters are, like a group of haunting ghosts, continually pestering my guilt-loaded soul. Conventionally, the letters will certainly be replied. I can even swear by heaven that never do I have the intention not to reply when my mind is clear. The problem is how to reply. Even if I spared myself a whole summer night, I would be wavering on which letter to reply first, the 18-month-old one or the 7-month-old? The reply has been delayed for so long that I’m afraid even a heartfelt apology has already lost its power. In friends’ heart, I’ve been marginalized as a cocky man unworthy of care. “Unaccountable”! That is their unanimous comment on me(note: the word That is redundant in this context).   

In fact, even though I pull myself together and settle down at the desk, ready to pay off the debt, my determination will easily be split up by doubts. Old and new letters, replied or yet-to-be, cram the shelf and the drawer in disorder, which reminds me of two verses: “He’s simply in the very mountain. In the depths of clouds, his whereabouts are unknown.” (from Calling on a Hermit in Vain by Jia Dao)(note: it is unwise to give expalanation by using a confusing resource). Picking out the letter I decide to reply from such a mess will cost multiplied time and energy as replying the letter does. Moreover, on visualizing (note: the word is a little exaggerated)the facial expression of friends when they receive the reply — reburned lingering anger rather than surprised delight — my tiny amount of determination dwindle into naught(note: such expression is inventive but confusing). Consequently, the date when my debt is paid off extends into eternity. Although I haven’t replied the letters, I can never forget my friends, any more than a debtor can forget his creditor(note: perhaps you just make a mistake here because your translation give the opposite of the orginal). In the depth of my disturbed and apologetic heart looms the indelible angry and icy look of my friends. Never can I forget them. Friends who really fall into oblivion, from which guilt is totally absent, are those who have received my reply(note:what is oblivion?the word reply should be replies).

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Post time 2011-9-23 20:03:01 |Display all floors
Originally posted by kevinruud at 2011-9-12 12:25
[color=Red]I did the exact same work back in 2004 at GuangWai, now I try to give my coimment if you do not mind.

Replying a letter (note: plural form or ...


Many thanks to kevinruud for your patience in improving my work, and some of your notes indeed present a level to ascend.
Plus, "any more than":就像……不……一样
e.g.  You can't stop the change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting.
你阻止不了变化,就像你不能阻止太阳西沉一样。


[ Last edited by heroodle at 2011-9-24 09:44 AM ]

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Post time 2011-9-25 18:12:49 |Display all floors
If it is not an essay, each of the sentences that has been translated could be acceptable.  but what about the text? The original is in Chinese and gives very clear meaning to us, that the author is in a dilemma and he doesn't know what to to, roughly. If we can convey the meaning  to readers in English, it is half done. Choice of words is not unimportant, but is secondary in this case. Translation shall not make things confusing.

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Post time 2011-10-7 21:37:52 |Display all floors
Originally posted by sinconnie at 2011-8-31 15:45
翻译得真好!大赞一个,请问平时都读什么书呢?


说起读书,本人实在惭愧,个人认为多读中西文学作品不失为提高翻译与写作之“妙方”
与君共勉:)

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