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The problem seems to be fear, not love.|
Fear itself is not without some use. As a tool, fear can help protect someone from getting into mishaps. It is a protective mechanism to take safeguards in order to avoid danger.
But as with most things in life, too much of something often ends up bringing negative results. Today you may fear losing love, tomorrow the intrusion of a thief. What happens the day after? Another type of fear that paralyzes your ability to live more fully? These are questions each of us will have to grapple with one day or another. And find our own answers.
Meanwhile, understand it is quite normal for human beings to fear losing someone (love) or something (theft). You fear scaring him if you get too close. Yet you also fear losing him if you stay away. This situation is unhealthy for you because it will not give you the answer you crave.
The solution is to find a suitable time to meet him and talk things out with him. Declare your feelings clearly but subtly, and if he is of the same mind, he will catch what you want to say. If he responds negatively or rebuffs your feelings, then you will know there and then that he does not think of you in the way you think of him. You must be mentally prepared before you meet him to accept what will happen only because life is like that. We cannot have all we want, even if what we want we think are natural and good. No two persons in the world can be fully attuned to each other at the right time and place simply because people are different one from the other. There is harmony when two persons are attuned to each other at the same time. But how often does that happen, especially when you realize that each of us develops at a different pace? She may be ready but if he isn't, it would not be fair to force him to say yes when he cannot feel enough to invest the future together with her; it would not be fair to him, and later, it will become unfair to her too. Relationships are made in pairs. It is good to feel strongly for someone but life is more than just about feelings today which can weaken tomorrow. Life is about caring for others without calculating how much one gets back in return. If he is not able to respond, you should go on with your life as cheerfully as possible until he returns, or someone else comes into your life.
Likewise with fear of intrusions, losses, other difficulties.... Life waxes and wanes. Today there may be peace, tomorrow distress. What is important is that inside you there is a calmness which will help your mind carefully decide for you the next best course of action you can take to minimize pain for everyone, including yourself, so that you can achieve the best you can do, in this lifetime given you.
I am sure there are many good guys out there.
If it helps, show this post to him and see if he understands the echo of my bell rung to help him hear the music from your heart for him.
[ Last edited by markwu at 2008-5-12 10:36 AM ]