Author: andrewyan

谨以此文献给先父和天底下所有的父亲!(汉译英,请指教和批评!) [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2008-4-2 18:50:52 |Display all floors
谢谢几位译友的建议,我会认真修改的

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2008-4-2 19:07:59 |Display all floors
A little stiff.  Too laborious.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2008-4-2 20:21:46 |Display all floors

Two cents

The Chinese part is fine.  But the English translation isn't so hot.  There are too many problems.

Let's use this paragraph as an example:

有个退伍老兵本来被分配到信阳市,可他却响应党的号召,自愿到偏远的豫南大别山农村。他戎马一生,到了49岁在喜得贵子,从此他好像有使不完的劲,从早到晚为生产队和自己的家忙得不亦乐乎。

Your translation:

There was a veteran who was originally transferred from the army to Xinyang City, but he volunteered to get himself transferred to the remote village in Southern Henan in Dabieshan Mountains by positively responding to the call of the Party in a practical way. He lived the military life for most part of his life and as luck would have it, he was fortunate enough having his own son at the age of 49. From then forward, he worked as a busy bee from morning till night both for the brigade and his own family.

这是不通的.  There are too many errors.  People can understand you, but they also recognize that this is Chinglish, which means this is not the way English is written outside China.  Too many repetitions of words, like "transferred".  One cannot be transferred from the army to Xinyang City -- one can only be transferred for WORK from one place to another.  The use of "but" is not appropriate here.  Dabieshan is (are) Dabie Mountain(s).  The two words "life" are superfluous.  "As luck would have it" is the same as "fortunate."  In the phrase "his own son,"  own is understood and so it needs not be included.  From then onward and not "forward".  "as" is not the same as "like" because the latter is a simile and not the former.   So you cannot say "as a busy bee..." instead of "like a busy bee."  In any case, "as a busy bee" is not even part of the original.

One suggested version:

Originally assigned to work in Xinyang City after discharge, an army veteran answered the Party's call by volunteering for rural work in a remote corner of the Dabie Mountains in South Henan.  Having been a soldier all his life, he felt overjoyed and invigorated to have a son at 49, so much so that he toiled tirelessly both in the brigade and at home.

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Post time 2008-4-3 08:17:21 |Display all floors

wchao37

wchao37
Millions of thanks to your comments, all of which I will accept and incorporated into the corrected English version. I really appreciate your suggestions and help!

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Post time 2008-4-3 08:36:26 |Display all floors

wchao37

Dear wchao37,
Millions of thanks to you for the good comments and corrections, all of which I really appreciate and will borrow your ideas for better polishing up my English version.
Thanks again!

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Post time 2008-4-3 08:50:47 |Display all floors

richad

A beautiful story

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Post time 2008-4-3 09:34:24 |Display all floors

Reply #12 richardzh's post

Yes, I think so too.

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