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Silly Love Songs(e-c)practice [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2008-3-23 20:08:41 |Display all floors
Silly Love Songs

Martha Beck

Is it love, or a mutual strangulation society? Martha Beck shows you five ways to get a real grip on the real thing.


In a folktale that has been retold for centuries in many variations (one of which is Shakespeare's King Lear), an elderly king asks his three daughters how much they love him. The two older sisters deliver flowery speeches of filial adoration, but the youngest says only "I love you as meat loves salt." The king, insulted by this homely simile, banishes the youngest daughter and divides his kingdom between the older two, who promptly kick him out on his royal heinie. He seeks refuge in the very house where his third daughter is working as a scullery maid. Recognizing her father, the daughter asks the cook to prepare his meal without salt. The king eats a few tasteless mouthfuls, then bursts into tears. "All along," he cries, "it was my youngest daughter who really loved me!" The daughter reveals herself and all ends happily (except in King Lear, where pretty much everybody dies).

  下面是一个被讲述过数百年许多个版本的故事(其中一个版本就是莎翁的李尔王):从前,一位老国王问自己的三个女儿她们有多么爱他。两位大女儿用甜言蜜语表达出各自的孝顺,但是,最年轻的女儿说:“我爱你就像肉爱盐一样” 国王对这个比喻感到受了侮辱,于是把她给放逐;将他的王国由长女平分。两位女儿随后立刻把老国王赶了出去。国王去一家人避难;那里正好就是他的第三名女儿在做洗碗女佣的人家。当三女儿看出是父亲后便叫厨子准备肉食;但故意叫厨子不要放盐。等老国王吃了几口毫无味道的肉突然痛哭流涕,哭着说:“从始至今,原来真正爱我的其实是最小的女儿!" 三女儿坦露真面部;结果一切圆满结局。(在”李尔王“这个版本除外;在那段故事中大概每个人都死了)

Each of the following five statements is the polar opposite of what most Americans see as loving commitment. But these are "meat loves salt" commitments, as necessary as they are unconventional. Only if you and your beloved can honestly say them to each other is your relationship likely to thrive.


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Post time 2008-3-23 20:10:46 |Display all floors
1. I can live without you, no problem.
1. 没你我也能过--毫无问题

"I can't live," wails the singer, "if living is without you." The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn't love; it's desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner's needs.

  某歌手悲号:”没了你我不能活“ 这一情感中的恋爱不是爱情而那是”不顾一切“。 一开始这会让人感到浪漫但是长期下来肯定会无法满足任何一方的需求。

If this is how you feel, don't start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can teach you how to get your needs met by the only person responsible for them: you. "I can live without you" is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.

  如果你就有这种感觉,那么别去约会,改去接受治疗。 心理咨询能教会人们如何使得唯一对你的需求负责的人--你本人--来满足它们。 ”没你我照样能过“是真正爱情的前提条件。

2. My love for you will definitely change.
2. 我对你的爱绝对会改变

Most human beings seem innately averse to change. Once we've established some measure of comfort or stability, we want to nail it in place so that there's no possibility of loss. Unfortunately, this is another promise that is more likely to scuttle a relationship than shore it up.


The reason is that everything—and everyone—is constantly changing. We age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, find new interests and drop old ones. Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will vanish. The opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt to new circumstances is virtually indestructible.

  原因是任何事物-任何人-都在不断变化。 我们年龄增长、身体增长;学习、生病、康复、体重增加、减轻;发现了新的兴趣、放弃了原来的兴趣。 许多人害怕如果爱情可以自由改变,它就会消失。其实恰恰相反。 允许对新环境做出适应的一份爱情才是真正坚不可摧的爱情。

3. You're not everything I need.
3. 你不是”我(需要)的一切“

I'm a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I'm puzzled by lovers who claim that their romantic partner is the only person they need in their lives or that time together is the only activity necessary for emotional fulfillment. Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and constantly learn new skills. Trying to get all this input from one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by eating only ice cream. When a couple believes "We must fulfill all of each other's needs, each becomes exhausted by the effort to be all things to the other and neither can develop fully as an individual.

  我是一夫一妻制的热衷支持者,但是我对于那些说自己的恋爱对方是他们生活所需要唯一,或者在一起是感情满足的唯一途径的人们却感到迷惑不解。人类天生就要群居、探索思想、不断学习新技能。 要从一个人身上获得全部这些就好像要从吃冰欺凌中获得全部种类的维生素。当一对夫妇相信”我们必须去满足对方全部所有需求;那么两方面都会努力给对方做所有事情时感到疲惫不堪;而且双方都无法作为个人获得全面的发展。

Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn't strengthen a relationship. Mutually supporting each other's personal growth does.

  把我们个人需求都牺牲并不会加固爱情。 相互支持对方的个人成长才会做到这一点。

4. I won't always hold you close.

There's a thin line between a romantic statement like "I love you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do us part" and the lunatic-fringe anthem "I love you so much that if you try to leave me, I'll kill you." People who say such things love others the way spiders love flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing fetters, and drain nourishment out of them at peckish moments. This is not the kind of love you want.

  ”我如此爱你,希望伴你你一生直至生命的结束”和疯子台词:“我如此爱你,如果你要离开我我就会杀死你“它们之间有一个微妙的边界线。 那些说爱对方如同蜘蛛爱苍蝇的人们是热爱去捕获对方;将对方包裹在不能动弹的束缚中,贪婪地吸食对方的养料。 这不是你会愿意的爱情。

The way you can tell real love from spider love is simple: Possessiveness and exploitation involve controlling the loved one, whereas true love is based on setting the beloved free to make his or her own choices.

  从”蜘蛛式“爱情中辨别真爱的方法很简单: 占据和剥削意味着控制被爱的一方;而真爱是建立在给被爱一方做出自己决定的自由。

5. You and I aren't one.
5. 你我不是”心心相印“

Perhaps you are neither a spider nor a fly, but a chameleon who morphs to match the one you love. Or you may date chameleons, choosing partners who conform to your personality. Either way, you're not in a healthy relationship. In fact, you're not in a relationship at all.

  也许你既不是蜘蛛也不是苍蝇,但是而是一条变色龙--适合你所爱的人而去”改变"。或者,你和“变色龙”约会,选择那些同你符合一致的个性的人。不论哪种情况,你的恋爱都不健康。 事实上,你根本算不上处于恋爱当中。

If you're living by the "We are one" ideal, it's high time you found out how terrific love for two can be. Follow your heart in a direction your partner wouldn't go. Dare to explore your differences. Agree to disagree. If you're accustomed to disappearing, this will allow you to see that you can be loved as you really are. If you tend to dominate, you'll find out how interesting it is to love an actual person rather than a human mirror.

  如果你按照我们”心心相印“的想法去生活,那么现在就是关键时刻看看到底爱情对你们来说能多么美好。 跟随内心去一个对方不会去的方向。敢于探索你们之间的不同。 学会同意意见不同。如果你喜欢于”消失“,那么这将会让你了解到做自己也能被爱。;如果你倾向于统治,你会发现爱那位真正的人而不是一面”自己的镜子“会是一件多么有趣的事。

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Post time 2008-3-29 15:52:11 |Display all floors
somedays ago,i was told o falktale like that.but it is in china

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