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1. I can live without you, no problem.|
"I can't live," wails the singer, "if living is without you." The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn't love; it's desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner's needs.
某歌手悲号：”没了你我不能活“ 这一情感中的恋爱不是爱情而那是”不顾一切“。 一开始这会让人感到浪漫但是长期下来肯定会无法满足任何一方的需求。
If this is how you feel, don't start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can teach you how to get your needs met by the only person responsible for them: you. "I can live without you" is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.
如果你就有这种感觉，那么别去约会，改去接受治疗。 心理咨询能教会人们如何使得唯一对你的需求负责的人--你本人--来满足它们。 ”没你我照样能过“是真正爱情的前提条件。
2. My love for you will definitely change.
Most human beings seem innately averse to change. Once we've established some measure of comfort or stability, we want to nail it in place so that there's no possibility of loss. Unfortunately, this is another promise that is more likely to scuttle a relationship than shore it up.
The reason is that everything—and everyone—is constantly changing. We age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, find new interests and drop old ones. Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will vanish. The opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt to new circumstances is virtually indestructible.
原因是任何事物-任何人-都在不断变化。 我们年龄增长、身体增长；学习、生病、康复、体重增加、减轻；发现了新的兴趣、放弃了原来的兴趣。 许多人害怕如果爱情可以自由改变，它就会消失。其实恰恰相反。 允许对新环境做出适应的一份爱情才是真正坚不可摧的爱情。
3. You're not everything I need.
I'm a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I'm puzzled by lovers who claim that their romantic partner is the only person they need in their lives or that time together is the only activity necessary for emotional fulfillment. Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and constantly learn new skills. Trying to get all this input from one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by eating only ice cream. When a couple believes "We must fulfill all of each other's needs, each becomes exhausted by the effort to be all things to the other and neither can develop fully as an individual.
Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn't strengthen a relationship. Mutually supporting each other's personal growth does.
4. I won't always hold you close.
There's a thin line between a romantic statement like "I love you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do us part" and the lunatic-fringe anthem "I love you so much that if you try to leave me, I'll kill you." People who say such things love others the way spiders love flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing fetters, and drain nourishment out of them at peckish moments. This is not the kind of love you want.
”我如此爱你，希望伴你你一生直至生命的结束”和疯子台词：“我如此爱你，如果你要离开我我就会杀死你“它们之间有一个微妙的边界线。 那些说爱对方如同蜘蛛爱苍蝇的人们是热爱去捕获对方；将对方包裹在不能动弹的束缚中，贪婪地吸食对方的养料。 这不是你会愿意的爱情。
The way you can tell real love from spider love is simple: Possessiveness and exploitation involve controlling the loved one, whereas true love is based on setting the beloved free to make his or her own choices.
5. You and I aren't one.
Perhaps you are neither a spider nor a fly, but a chameleon who morphs to match the one you love. Or you may date chameleons, choosing partners who conform to your personality. Either way, you're not in a healthy relationship. In fact, you're not in a relationship at all.
If you're living by the "We are one" ideal, it's high time you found out how terrific love for two can be. Follow your heart in a direction your partner wouldn't go. Dare to explore your differences. Agree to disagree. If you're accustomed to disappearing, this will allow you to see that you can be loved as you really are. If you tend to dominate, you'll find out how interesting it is to love an actual person rather than a human mirror.
如果你按照我们”心心相印“的想法去生活，那么现在就是关键时刻看看到底爱情对你们来说能多么美好。 跟随内心去一个对方不会去的方向。敢于探索你们之间的不同。 学会同意意见不同。如果你喜欢于”消失“，那么这将会让你了解到做自己也能被爱。；如果你倾向于统治，你会发现爱那位真正的人而不是一面”自己的镜子“会是一件多么有趣的事。