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Money's one of the main causes of conflict in relationships. Living on the breadline is bound to cause tension - but, says relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall often the biggest problems aren't down to a lack of cash, but how to spend what you have.
Attitudes towards money
People's attitudes towards money vary enormously and are largely influenced by the values they were brought up with and, to a certain extent, how much money they have now.
Assuming there's enough money to keep a roof over your head and buy basic food stuffs, what you do with the rest of your money will depend on your particular attitude. The following three statements broadly sum up the most common attitudes to money in today's western culture:
1. Money is for enjoying - money is for spending on the things that make you happy. No one knows what the future may hold, so you should enjoy what you have when you have it. Money's no use when you're dead, so live for today.
1. 钱是为了享受--钱是花在让你快乐的事物上。 谁也说不准未来如何，因此你应该及时享乐。 生后钱是一文不值，所以今朝有酒今朝醉吧。
2. Money is for security - money should be spent on making life comfortable. Once you have the basic home comforts, it's important to have money put aside for a rainy day. No one knows what the future may hold, so it's sensible to be prepared.
2.钱是为了安全--钱应该花在让生活舒适的地方。 一旦你拥有了基本的家庭舒适品，就要把钱存起来未雨绸缪。 谁也不会知道未来怎样，所以有所准备是理智的做法。
3. Money is for sharing - money should be shared generously with those you love and those less fortunate than yourself. Buying presents, entertaining others and giving money to charity creates feelings in yourself and others that are priceless. No one knows what the future may hold, and some day you may need the favour returned.
3.钱是为了分享--钱应该和你所爱及没有你那么幸运的人一起分享的东西。 买礼物、娱乐别人、把钱捐给慈善机构都能让你和他人带来无价的感受。 谁也不知道未来怎样，有朝一日你也许会需要报答。
Negotiating the money minefield
If you and your partner have the same attitude towards money, the only thing you need to agree on is who's going to manage the income and expenditure. (To see if you share the same attitude, see Your financial agreement.)
If your attitudes are quite different, you'll need to agree on some basic budget priorities, such as how much money you'll spend on household essentials and bills, how much on leisure and entertainment, and how much you'll save. For help with this, see Creating a monthly budget.
However, if you find that no matter how hard you try to sort out your money differences you still end up arguing, perhaps money isn't the issue at all.
Money can't buy you love
If you're financially challenged, try some of these low-budget romantic tips:
* Buy a cheap bottle of bubble bath and share a sud-tub. 买一瓶廉价的洗浴泡沫液；一起泡浴缸。
* Spend an evening dancing to your favourite songs.一个晚上听着最喜爱的歌曲跳舞
* Drag the duvet on to the sofa, close the curtains and snuggle up in front of your favourite movie.
* Cook a meal for two and share it bistro-style, complete with candles, freshly picked flowers and a bottle of cheap vino!
Money and value
Arguments about money often mask more deep-rooted problems, such as an individual's sense of value or power within the relationship.
We all need to feel valued as human beings, but there are times when the way in which our partner spends money can make us feel worthless.
* always spend more money on themselves or friends than on you往往在自己或朋友身上花比在你身上花更多的钱
* complain regularly about how much money you spend on yourself经常抱怨你对自己花了多少钱
* fail to check if you're all right for money before spending their spare cash在对方花零花钱时没有检查是否你在钱上没有问题。
* question you on every penny you spend问你花的每一分钱
Money and influence
The most successful relationships tend to be those in which the partners feel they have equal influence. Arguing about money may indicate that one of you feels the other has an unfair advantage. You may feel this way if, for example, your partner:
最为成功的关系往往是找到了那些双方拥有平等影响力的关系。 关于钱的争执也许表明你们中有一方感到对方占了不公平的优势。 出现下面情况时，你也许就会感到这种感觉
* contributes significantly more than you to the financial running of the household 对方对家庭经济运营的贡献远大于你
* expects you to account for every penny you've spent but is secretive about their own spending
* uses their extra earnings on things you can't share in any way
* constantly buys you extravagant gifts and treats, which leave you feeling indebted
If any of this rings a bell for you, find some time when you and your partner can sit down and talk about it.
If you find you're just slipping back into the same old pattern of arguments, you might want to consider talking it through with a third person. To find out more, see Do you need counselling?
[ Last edited by hly_2009 at 2008-3-21 12:12 PM ]