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You are not on sale (e-c)practice [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2008-2-23 16:10:35 |Display all floors

From  "Womean and Money" by Suze Orman


Change, I realize, doesn’t happen overnight, especially when
we are talking about traits and habits that have become
embedded in our character thanks to years and years of practice.
It is the work of this chapter, then, to call out some particularly
damaging forms of self-sabotage, not for the purpose of making
you feel bad—remember, there is no shame or blame happening
in these pages—but to convince you of the importance of making
this attitude adjustment.

根深蒂固于我们品质和习惯当中时。 那么,本章节就是要唤醒某些尤为具有伤害性

The attitude I am referring to is the tendency women have
to undervalue themselves. Do you think I’m generalizing? I
don’t think so. I’ve got to tell you, I see this trait and its horrible
side effects in action so often, it feels like an epidemic to me. So
many women—from professionals to stay-at-home moms—treat
themselves, their services, and their abilities as if they were always
on sale.

  这里我正在说的态度就是女性们往往有低估自己价值的倾向。 你认为我在“一概而论”?
我不这么看。 我必须告诉你,对这一特质和由此出现在行动中可怕的负面效果看得太
多了,它给我的感觉就像一种传染病。 有太多的女性--从职业女性到居家母亲--对待

I have always said that if you undervalue what you do, the
world undervalues who you are.And when you undervalue who


you are, the world undervalues what you do. My experience is
that women are, unfortunately, masters at both.


[ Last edited by hly_2009 at 2008-2-23 04:12 PM ]

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Post time 2008-2-23 16:13:58 |Display all floors

The big problem as I see it is that women treat themselves as a
commodity whose price is set by others. That means women
get to stand by and watch as their value is marked down.Tell me
if any of the following scenarios sound uncomfortably familiar
to you:

  我认为一个大问题是女性在把自己当作一种商品;其价格由别人而定。 这
意味着女性是站在一旁,看着自己的价值被“降价”。 告诉我,以下任何情况

Your boss tells you that your raise will be 3 percent this year
and yet you know that business is going great, your division is
a leader, and you deserve a raise that is at least double what you
are getting. You, however, say nothing. You cannot bring yourself
to ask for a raise that respects your accomplishments and
your worth to the company.

是业绩领先,你应得一份至少是现在一倍的加薪。 可是,你一言不发。 你无法

  You have a successful business of your own. Your clients love
your work, so you get lots of referrals. But even though your
operating costs have risen 10 percent in the past three years,
you have yet to raise your prices. You are worried you will lose
clients if you do. So instead of charging more, you take on a
heavier workload to generate more revenue. You work yourself
to the bone because you can’t seem to value what you do,
even though everyone tells you that you do it incredibly well.

推荐人。 但是,即便在过去三年里你的运营成本增长了10%,你还是
没有涨价。 你担心涨价会让你失去客户。于是,不是收更多费用,你承担
了一份更重的工作胆子以能产生更多的收入。 你如牛马一样卖力地工作,

You are a stay-at-home mom.Your husband works hard and
brings home a decent paycheck. He gives you money each
week to run the household, but by the time you’ve covered all
the expenses, there is no money left for you to buy anything for
yourself. Since you’re not working, you don’t feel you have the
right to ask him for more. When you really need something,
you’ll let him know; until then, you’re happy to avoid the
inevitable tension and humiliation of having your hand out.

任何东西了。 由于你没有在工作,你感到无权要更多的钱。当你真地需要

 You are a massage therapist, a manicurist, a haircutter. You are
doing well and making good money. Yet every time a friend
or business associate suggests a barter deal in which you swap
services “for free,” you agree to it. You don’t really want to
barter—in fact, you don’t particularly want the services you
will receive in the “trade”—but still you say yes because you
are afraid of offending the other person. Bartering doesn’t pay
the rent or pay down your credit card bill, but for some reason
you just can’t say no.

  你是一位按摩治疗学家,一位指甲修饰师,一位剪发者。 你的工作做的不错,
赚钱也挺多。 可是,每次当一位朋友或生意伙伴提出”以物换物“的建议--你
们免费交换服务,你都会同意。 而其实,你不愿意这样交换,尤其不就要

You have a full-time job and a full-time family that needs
your attention, but when the PTA asks you to help organize
the school auction, you sign on. They know they can count
on you; every time you are asked to volunteer, you oblige.
Volunteering is just what women do, right? It comes with the
territory. . . .

联盟组织请求你帮助组织学校拍卖时,你签名加入。 人们知道能依靠你;
每次当你被请求做自愿工作,你都会施恩惠。 自愿就是女性的一部分,对吗?

Did you find yourself in there somewhere? Do you get it? You
treat yourself like you’re on sale.You’re so reluctant to put a real
value on what you do that it diminishes who you are. And as I
said, that creates a vicious cycle:When you devalue what you do,
it becomes inevitable that you—and those around you—devalue
who you are.

  从上面的例子中,你找到自己的影子了吗?你明白了吗? 你对待自己就如同
削弱了你自己。 正如我说过的:这出现了一个恶性循环: 当你对自己劳动贬低,

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Post time 2008-2-23 16:15:04 |Display all floors
When I ask women who run their own businesses why they
refuse to raise their prices, they tell me they are afraid to make
their needs a priority.When I wonder why a woman who’s been
a loyal, productive employee doesn’t push her boss for a meaningful
raise, it becomes clear to me that she’s intent on being the
good soldier at work.When I see a stay-at-home mom acting as
if her husband’s paycheck is his and not theirs, I see a woman
who does not appreciate the very valuable job of running a
household and raising a family.

好”士兵“。 当我看见一位居家母亲的行为似乎她丈夫的收入是他的而不是两人的,

You need to take yourself off the For Sale rack. Once you
learn to respect your right to be fully valued, you will find it easy
and natural to ask the world around you to respect that value.
You set your price and the world will meet it.When you walk
through the world feeling you are “more than” rather than “less
than,” more will come to you. No one ever achieved financial
security by being weak and scared. Confidence is contagious; it
will bring more into your life.

  你需要把自己从”出售架"上取下来。 一旦你学会有权利去充分尊重自己的价值
满足。 当你走过,这个世界感到你”不止多少“而不是”没有多少“时,那么,更多
东西就会到达你。 从来没有人是通过做弱者、恐惧者而获得经济上的安全感。

It’s also important to recognize that your time has value.What
I see far too often is that women say yes to giving without calculating
the cost of that decision. If you had to put a price to
your time, you’d have to take into account the emotional toll and
the financial toll of what you are giving away.The financial price
is obvious:Are you being compensated fairly for your time? The
emotional price is what it takes out of you when you say yes.Too
often, both of these measures are overlooked when you are called
upon to volunteer, which leads us to . . .

  同样认识到你的时间的宝贵也很重要。 女性们在不考虑决定成本的时候做出答应
我见过的次数太多了。 如果你要给自己的时间标价,你必须把要付出的情感代价和经济
“是”的时候需要从你这里拿走的。 有太多时候,在别人让你自愿者时,这两个衡量标准

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Post time 2008-2-23 16:16:01 |Display all floors

It never fails that when I participate in a women’s conference or
meeting, there is one speaker who makes the point that volunteering
is terrifically important for women. It is always the same
message:We owe it to society to give back, and we owe it to our
children to set a good example of giving back. The audience
always nods eagerly in agreement.Now, here is what I find fascinating.
I have never once—and I mean not once—heard a male
speaker make that point. Men talk about power and success and
how money can create more power. Men are comfortable with
that.Women are so uncomfortable with the topic of becoming
powerful and successful that they have to wrap any discussion of
it in the comforting blanket of volunteerism.What is that about?
This is not a comment on men; it is simply an observation of
what men are told versus what women are told.Again, this is why
we have to blast open our past and let it go.

”偿还“榜样。 往往听众总会热烈同意地点头。现在,我发现有趣的一点是我从来
如何能创造更大的权利。 男性们对这些乐此不疲。而女性们却对有权、成功的话题

Do men volunteer? Of course. But not in the same way. Men
sit on boards, men coach Little League.Women, on the other
hand, bake pies, organize the school auction, chaperone field trips.
Generally speaking, women tend to take on the more labor- and
time-intensive behind-the-scenes tasks. Also, the fact is that more
women volunteer than men. A recent national survey reported
that 33 percent of women volunteer, compared to 25 percent of
men. If it’s not encoded in our DNA, then it is certainly the result
of the traditional roles of days gone by. Men went off to work;
women tended to the home front and created community. Men
donated money; women didn’t have money of their own to give
away, so they gave time. Look at your own life and tell me if this
still holds true. My guess is it probably does not, which means that
an adjustment of expectations—collectively—is in order.

总体来说,女性往往从事更多体力--而且是耗时间、幕后的任务。 另外,女性做自愿者
只有25%。 如果自愿者并不是我们的基因所决定,那么肯定就是过去传统角色的结果。
男人去工作;女人料理家务、创建群体。 男人捐钱;女人没有自己的钱能给,所有就给

Now, I want to be very clear here. I am not suggesting that
every minute of every day be “on the clock” or that you should
never volunteer your time. That is so not my message, I cannot
even tell you. Being powerful is not about being selfish, but it
does require that you examine your behavior and see where you
may be out of balance. And when you do make the decision to
donate your time and your effort, know the true worth of what
you are giving.

不等于自私,而是,要你检查自己的行为,看看哪里你可能失衡。 那么,当你在做出

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Post time 2008-2-23 16:16:48 |Display all floors

Can you tell me why it is that so many self-employed women
find it hard to charge for their services? The minute a friend,
business associate, or even a total stranger suggests they “swap”
services, they agree. Again, this is not in itself a bad thing to do,
but only if you can afford to barter. If you need cash to pay the
rent or fund your Roth IRA, then why are you agreeing to swap
two hours of your consulting services for one hour of someone
else’s public relations expertise?

同样,“以物换物”并不是一件不好的事情,但是,仅有在你能够承担的情况下。 如果

Money is not dirty.Wanting and needing money is not wrong.
When you have a healthy relationship with money, you understand
its value and importance in building the secure life you
seek for yourself and your family. Do not put your time and services
on sale—or up for barter—until you are sure you have the
money you need to take care of yourself. Money first, barter second.
That’s the Right Action/Right Relationship.

  金钱并不肮脏。 想要、需要金钱不是错误。 当你和金钱拥有一个健康的关系时,
多的钱。 金钱第一;物物交换第二。 这才是正确的行为和正确的关系。

Now, if you do barter, I want you to make sure that it is a
fair swap. If your time is worth $100 an hour, since that is what
you charge your paying clients, but your friend who wants to
barter does work that is valued at $50 an hour, you are not to
do an even-up one-hour swap.You have just devalued yourself
again:You are bartering at a rate that is 50 percent below what
your time is worth. If you are consciously cutting a deal with
your friend because you want to help her out, then that is okay—
but again, only if you can really afford to bestow that gift. If
you give someone a $50-per-hour break on your work and
you give them one hour of your time a week, that is $200 a
month you are not making for yourself. If you have high-rate
credit card debt, that’s $200 you are giving away to someone else
rather than getting out of debt. So don’t then tell me you can’t
find the money to invest in a Roth IRA; you just gave away
$200.And by the way, if you invested that $200 a month in your
Roth IRA every year for the next twenty years, it would grow
to more than $118,000, assuming an average 8 percent annual

  现在,如果你的确去进行交换,我希望你一定进行公平的交换。 如果你的时间
而是给了比尔呢。 所以别对我说你找不到金钱来付养老保险;你刚才就送走了200美元。

Eye-opening, isn’t it? So please be mindful of the cost of bartering.
If you can truly afford to barter, great. But please don’t
make it a default position that you always say yes. Or that you
always agree to whatever terms the other party has suggested.
When you undervalue what you do, the world undervalues who
you are.That’s the antithesis of owning the power to control your

  令人意外,不是吗?所以,请大家要对“以物换物”的成本留心。 如果你真正能够
条件都允诺。 当你贬低自己的劳动,世界贬低你的价值;这就是拥有把握命运的权利的相反面。

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Post time 2008-2-23 16:17:31 |Display all floors
The Value of Doing What You Love

There’s a category of worker we haven’t yet included in this
discussion: artists, writers, teachers, activists, and others who
have chosen their professions not for the pay but for the satisfaction
and nourishment their work brings to their souls. I
hope those of you engaged in this type of work realize every
day that you are not on sale, that you are doing what you
love, and how grateful the rest of us are for what you do.


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Post time 2008-2-23 16:18:33 |Display all floors

Given what I do for a living, women are quick to bare their
financial lives to me. I love listening, I always try to offer advice
when advice is asked for, and in return I am constantly learning
how women think and feel about money.Want to know what I
see all the time? Women too scared to demand to be paid what
they are worth. From stay-at-home moms to executives overseeing
multimillion-dollar budgets who get measly raises, to the
massage therapist or manicurist afraid to increase her rates, this
condition is rampant, and it is a shameful secret women keep, too
embarrassed even to tell their closest friends. Luckily, they tend
to confess such things to me.

女性对金钱如何思考、感受。 要知道我一直都看到了什么吗?女性极度工具
要求获得和自己价值相应的报酬。 从居家母亲到掌管百万美元预算获得微薄加薪的
女执行官,到害怕提高收费的按摩师或指甲修饰师,这一情况很”猖獗“, 这也是
女性--甚至对最亲密朋友都难以启齿的--拥有的一个不体面的秘密。 幸运地是,她们

Here’s one story: I know a massage therapist who is so fabulous
she is very much in demand. Recently, she told me, she was called
by a woman who had injured her back. She told the woman that
her rate was $80 an hour. The woman thought that was too
pricey. “I’ll pay you $60 an hour,” she told my friend. Do you
know what my friend the massage therapist did? She lowered
her price to $70 an hour.The woman objected that the price was
still too high but agreed, reluctantly, and made an appointment.
On the day of the appointment, as my friend was on her way to

女士认为太贵了。 她对我的这位朋友说:“60美元/小时吧” 你知道我的那位按摩师
朋友当时说了什么?她把价格降低至70美元/小时。 虽然那位女士还是认为价格太贵,
但还是不情愿地同意了,并约好时间。 在见面那天,我的朋友正在去那名女士家的路上

the woman’s house, her cell phone rang. It was the woman—canceling
the appointment.


Now, let’s look at this. One would tend to blame the woman—
how rude that she broke the appointment, how cheap, and so on.
But no—the massage therapist brought this on herself. I told her
just that. She put herself on sale; when she marked herself down
she invited the woman to bargain with her. What if my friend
had the power to say,“Listen, actually I’m worth even more than
$80, so that’s my price, take it or leave it,” and the woman had left
it? What would have happened? She could have filled that slot
with someone willing to pay her full price. She could have saved
herself the useless trip out to the woman’s house. Or better yet—
the woman would have respected her conviction, said fine, and
kept the appointment. She’d have loved how she felt afterward
and not only made more appointments, but she’d tell everyone
she knew how great this massage therapist was.

  现在,让我们看看。 人们可能会去谴责那位女士--取消行为是多么粗鲁、多么卑鄙
等等。但是,不--按摩师是咎由自取。 这就是我告诉她的原话。 她把自己
要不要随你“ 而那名女士挂断了电话?会出现什么情况?她也许就会把时间

Listen, I get that people want a bargain.There’s nothing wrong
with that. But putting yourself on sale is another story.You do
that to yourself—no one is doing it to you.You are not a victim
of circumstance; in a case like this, you create the circumstance.
You can choose to be powerful or powerless. Remember, that
choice is always yours.

出售的位置是不同的情况。 那是你自己对自己这么做--每人让你那么做。 你
不是环境下的受害人;这时候,环境是你创造出来的。 你能选择有力;或无力。

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