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Originally posted by jadegreen at 2008-1-29 00:34
Can a man really love many women at the same time? Should love be exclusive?
Can a man really love many women at the same time?
Assuming we're talking romantic love, It's not unheard of but uncommon for a man to love multiple women at the same time. However this doesn't seem to be your husband's problem. He states that he loves you but not the other woman.
For you to truely understand this, you will have to understand that men and women experience love, sex and relationships in different ways. For a man, the act of making love is a visual and very physical experience, where the ultimate goal is the orgasm. It is very much mainly about objectifying the partner. It is because of this that men find it easier to separate emotional love from a purely physical experience. Your husband is quite capable of loving you only and still have a gratifying sexual experience with another woman. He may very well be telling the truth. However that may be beside the point and not the reason why you're asking for advice.
A woman, making love is all about the experience, the emotion and the chemistry. It's about accepting feelings that come from this. It's enough for a woman to merely experience love making and be equally satisfied without an orgasm. They associate this electrifying experience with love and hence there is absolutely nothing to separate from the physical experience. This is why women will find it difficult to accept her man using pornography as a purely physical release. Women are unable to empathise this purely physical release of bodily fluids.
Should love be exclusive?
Once again, assuming romantic love, there is no should or shouldn't. To each and their own. Philosophically, the more love the better, right?
However, as somebody mentioned earlier, it really is up to you to decide where YOU want to be, and what kind of relationship YOU want to be in. Is it good enough for you to accept the above medical explanations for his actions?
My personal opinion is that your expectations of this marriage are more than what he has provided. He now has a choice to make on whether he cares enough about YOU to change his actions. It is natural and unavoidable for every man to have stray thoughts, but the crucial test is whether this man can keep from acting out upon these thoughts for the sake of keeping your relationship.
The question you should be asking is, "Should a faithful marriage be exclusive?"