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You Can't Always Get What You Want: So Focus on What You Need (e-c)practice [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2007-12-30 11:29:20 |Display all floors
You Can't Always Get What You Want: So Focus on What You Need
不是获得想要的人而是获得需要的人

By Evan Marc Katz
Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Dec 29, 2007
Yahoo!个人栏目特别奉献


Why is it so hard to land the one you want?
为什么找到想要的人很难?
Because what you "want" isn't necessarily good for you. And in going after the person you think you want, you ignore what you really need.
因为你”想要“的不一定对你适合。 在追逐你想要的人中,你忽略的是真正需要的。

Want vs. Need. It's a blurry area. Because ultimately, we want it all, even when our desires contradict themselves.
想要和需要
两者容易模糊。因为,最终,我们两者都要,即便这些欲望相互矛盾。

"I want someone with strong opinions...who's easygoing and never argues."
”我想要一位观点很强的人...这个人随和、从不争辩"
"I want someone who's spontaneous and wild...who has a stable job."
"我想要自然、疯狂个性的人..这个人有一份稳定的工作"
"I want someone who's gregarious at parties...but never flirts with anyone else."
"我想要善于交际的人..这个人不和别人调情“
You see the problem here?The qualities we seek often come with a significant downside -- a downside that we tend to ignore. I have a dating coaching client who is in his mid-40's, smart, successful and serious about finding Ms. Right. Every week, we talk about his dates and how they match up with his mental checklist: someone with a Mensa IQ and a model body. Yet he complains that the young, thin women are a little too immature, the brainy corporate lawyers are a little too demanding.


发现问题所在了吗?寻求的特质和一个负面是形影相随--一个我们往往忽略的负面。 我的一位接受约会指导的客户40来岁,聪明,成功,在寻找”理想伴侣“上态度认真。
每周,我们都对他的约会进行探讨,看看这些约会和他自己心中开出的“标准单子”---IQ过人、模特身材--符合情况如何。但他却抱怨那些年轻苗条的女性有点太不成熟;而那些聪明过人的企业律师条件又太苛刻。

We want the good qualities without the bad qualities. We are all, to some degree, hypocrites.
人们总向只有好品质、没有不好的品质。 从某个程度上看,我们全都是伪君子。

How do you get over it?
如何克服”伪君子“?

Figure out what you NEED and separate it from what you WANT.
找出你”需要“什么,将之于你”想要“的分开

You want someone tall. You need a strong emotional connection.
你想要那个人个子高。 你需要相互强烈的感情关系
You want someone who likes the same music. You need financial stability.
你想要那个人喜欢和你一样的音乐。 你需要经济稳定
You want someone who is drop-dead gorgeous. You need someone who accepts you at your worst.
你想要那个人是绝代佳人。你需要那个人在你最困难的时候接纳你。

When we're dating, we often look for people who are mirror images of ourselves. For example, a successful woman will usually seek a successful man. But that very quality which makes them successful creates friction -- which is how you end up with two strong-willed people who can't stop arguing. Or two people who demand all the attention. Or two people who put their jobs before their relationships.

当人们约会的时候,总往往寻追求反映出自己的影子。例如:成功女士往往寻找的是成功男士;但是正是那种让两人”成功“的特质会带来摩擦--这就是为何最终两个固执己见的人不停地争吵;同样这情况会出现在希望获得全部关注;或都将事业摆在第一位的人们身上。

Stop dissecting people
停止剖析
It would seem that the best course of action would to find someone who complements us instead. But we don't. We just keep trying to find "better" versions of ourselves, to our own detriment. It's no wonder we're still single.
似乎看来最佳的行动是寻找彼此相补的人。 但是,我们却没有。以使我们受到伤害的方式,我们还在不停地寻找更优秀的“我们自己”。 难怪我们依然形单影只。

If we're to overcome our basest wants, we need to focus on what's most important.We have to stop expecting people to act better than we do. We have to stop dissecting people like lab frogs and finding fault. We have to stop extolling the flashiest virtues -- looks, money, pedigree -- and start focusing on things like heart, kindness, compassion and loyalty.
如要克服自己的最基本“想要”,就需要注意“最重要”。 我们要不再期望人们表现比自己更好;要停止像剖析实验室青蛙那样剖析人、找茬;要停止吹捧浮华的东西--外貌、金钱和血统;我们要开始关注像心灵、善良、同情和忠诚这些。
Only then can we reach the point where we say, while looking at the ring on our finger, "It's not that my partner is perfect; it's that she's perfect for me."
那时候,我们才能到达某一天,在看着我们手上的戒指时说:”我的伴侣并不完美;但却是我的完美伴侣“

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Post time 2007-12-31 18:47:24 |Display all floors
i am greedy so i always try to get what i want

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Post time 2008-1-2 10:44:54 |Display all floors
ths for your sharing!  benifit for it !

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Post time 2008-1-2 12:25:12 |Display all floors
Thank you for your replies:-)

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rovi297 has been deleted
Post time 2008-1-2 13:34:18 |Display all floors
Reminder: Author is prohibited or removed, and content is automatically blocked

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Post time 2008-1-3 03:27:56 |Display all floors
What's the difference between need and want?

I want money.
I need money.
I want a job.
I need a job.

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Post time 2008-1-3 20:53:05 |Display all floors

Reply #1 hly_123's post

You Can't Always Get What You Want: So Focus on What You Need
不是获得想要的人而是获得需要的人

所欲终难事事得尝,故不妨专于所需。我瞎凑的

不过我觉得你此标题的翻译还需商榷

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