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I've concluded that the brains of women are wired differently from those of men. Women need outward reassurances from time to time. In addition to deeds proving true feelings for them, men must also say very nice things to them in a way which mustn't hide the remotest vestige of uncertainty. Women can feel it whether what their spouses or partners have said to them is true or not, although they may not be able to do so when they haven't yet calibrated their hidden antennas with men who have yet to be their steadies.|
In the case when the men are already steadies and have unfortunately been found lacking at certain times in their expression of true feelings for their girls and women, it is imperative that these men quickly make amends by doing even more deeds to reinforce their womens' continued belief in their loyalty of feelings. Such deeds don't have to cost a lot of money all the time. They can be simple things like making her breakfast, washing, drying and ironing her clothes, cleaning the apartment or helping out in the kitchen. The best and most intimate, of course, is to give her a good massage; start with the feet (depending on the severity of the doubts, it may be required to go beyond there).
Of course, deeds and feelings are not exclusively the sole domain of love between men and women. They can also be for society and country in general. One can express concern for the poor and needy by turning up to help them with charity, job openings, even helping them solve some small problems they cannot say, like new clothing and warm tea for winter; also one can put aside some money every month to save up for a rural school; little by little, more and more, a saving a month becomes a bundle of joy for the children. That is also a deed and when we write about those deeds, aren't we indeed expressing the feelings behind their thoughts?
So many years ago, it was. I expressed both deed and feeling in one stroke. She was working and the weather was burning hot; there i sat in the place waiting for her to finish her work so that i could fetch her back. When she finally appeared, it was already about an hour and a half later than what was arranged. She was horrified to see i was drenched in perspiration and almost as dark as the finest coal from Shanxi. Asking why i didn't go into the shade to wait, i replied holding the umbrella 'just didn't want the sun to inconvenience you one bit for the sacrifice you're making for us.'
Twenty two years later, she's still making them for me.
But i cannot express this to her because i have yet to do her one good deed.
sigh, please tell me how i can go meet my honorable ancestors.