Author: changabula

Why Am I So Shy? [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2007-8-7 21:27:18 |Display all floors
Good morning Chang - Shyness is natural to most people, and it stems from self confidence. Like many other things, it takes practice. I'm going to suggest you take a job at a food service counter to practice interacting with people face to face. It offers several things -

(a) First and most importantly - it's disposable - you can walk away if the job is horrible - you do not have to endure it if it's unbearable unlike a personal relationship. But do try hard to succeed. Your goal is to build confidence and that comes from achievement.

(b) You will meet strangers who you must build an immediate repoire. The job has a limited vocabulary, but how it is delivered builds customer confidence in you, and their expressions will reward your confidence.

(c) Some of these customers will be regulars. You will start to recognize them, they will recognize you, and you will slowly ease into a friendly but still business like relationship.

(d) There are coworkers you must build longer term relationships with. Teamwork is an excellent method to build confidence, and a good team gets many tasks done well.

(e) There will be at least one boss you must interact with regularly. You will learn how to speak to them directly but without fear of rejection because you can walk away if they are truely terrible, and they may reward you with better pay if you help them build the business. A success here goes a long way towards building your confidence.

Practice practice practice Chang. You have a quick mind. People will recognize this. Couple it with friendliness and you will build confidence as you get more and more positive feedback. Your shyness will disappear on it's own.

Big hugs little brother. It all comes with time.
Husband, father, farmer, logger, woodcutter, and rancher

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Post time 2007-8-8 00:59:45 |Display all floors
Originally posted by 1st_resp at 2007-8-7 21:27
Good morning Chang - Shyness is natural to most people, and it stems from self confidence. Like many other things, it takes practice. I'm going to suggest you take a job at a food service counter t ...


You give very good advice.

Are you a counsellor?
I am Chinese and Proud of it!

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Post time 2007-8-8 01:08:00 |Display all floors
Originally posted by ghost156 at 2007-8-7 18:58
i often ask myself the same question too.
oh,i can see your face turn red


Not only red faced.

By withdrawing, not speaking up, or being so preoccupied with myself that I don’t pay attention to others, I may leave the impression that I am stuck-up, unfriendly, bored, or even uncaring or ignorant. When my thoughts are on myself, it is hard to concentrate on the discussion at hand. So I pay less attention to the information I am receiving. Then what I fear most happens — I appear foolish.

In essence, I have locked myself behind the walls of the prison of shyness and have thrown away the key. I let opportunities pass me by. I accept items or situations I really don’t want — all because I am afraid to speak up and express my opinion. I lose out on the joys of meeting people and making new friends or of doing things that would enhance my life. But others lose out too. They never get to know the real me.
I am Chinese and Proud of it!

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Post time 2007-8-8 03:09:21 |Display all floors
Originally posted by changabula at 2007-8-8 00:59


You give very good advice.

Are you a counsellor?


Thanks Chang. You flatter me - no, not a counsellor. Just a man who's struggled with the same thing. Lots of experiences in life add to one's ability to understand and pass on worthwhile advise. There are no greater challenges then our own personal demons. The trick is to master them and make them strengths. Shyness can become humility and humbleness which is highly prized. It keeps you from becoming reckless, and ungrateful. You make each step with a thought before, and a thought after, wondering on whose back you are walking, and whose step will someday be on your back. Just don't let the turtle become all of you. Sometimes you must be the dog. Go wag your tail and bark. Run through the fields. That is good too.
Husband, father, farmer, logger, woodcutter, and rancher

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Post time 2007-8-8 03:12:04 |Display all floors

DOG

[quote]Originally posted by 1st_resp at 2007-8-8 03:09

Sometimes you must be the dog. Go wag your tail and bark.

No way for me...:)
***always to be yourself***

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Post time 2007-8-8 03:17:50 |Display all floors
Originally posted by shelleybelly at 2007-8-8 03:12
[quote]Originally posted by 1st_resp at 2007-8-8 03:09

Sometimes you must be the dog. Go wag your tail and bark.

No way for me...:)


Why? I wondered if the metaphor would work for Chinese because I do not understand all the subtlties of Chinese life. Are dogs good or bad? For me dogs are good. They are the impish children that never grow up. They are a good friend that listens and doesn't have a lot to say. They are faithful and forever friendly. They see things you cannot, and give you a warning for bad things you don't know are there. They love to play, and they love to be lazy. A dog is a great companion.

But to Chinese it may be different. I don't know. Tell me. Thanx!
Husband, father, farmer, logger, woodcutter, and rancher

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Post time 2007-8-8 03:26:03 |Display all floors
[quote]Originally posted by 1st_resp at 2007-8-8 03:17


For me dogs are good. They are the impish children that never grow up. They are a good friend that listens and doesn't have a lot to say. They are faithful and forever friendly. They see things you cannot, and give you a warning for bad things you don't know are there. They love to play, and they love to be lazy. A dog is a great companion.

The above part I agree...

If u say a wag (tail)dog means that the person kisses someone's ass...

Someone may have power,may have strong social relationships,may richful,etc.

(that's my understanding)..:)
***always to be yourself***

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