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大家来评评《蝶恋花》的两个译本 [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2007-7-11 22:49:48 |Display all floors
蝶恋花
苏 轼
花褪残红青杏小。燕子飞时,绿水人家绕。 枝上柳绵吹又少,天涯何处无芳草?
墙里秋千墙外道。墙外行人,墙里佳人笑。
笑渐不闻声渐悄,多情却被无情恼。


Butterflies in Love with Flowers
Su Shi

Flowers withered with few reds remaining,
Small green apricots are desperately growing.
Lines of swallows return from the south,
Bellow a green river is around a house.
Most willow catkins go less when the winds blow,
Nowhere grows no fragrant grass in the heaven bellow.

A swing inside the wall of the yard,
A path outside the wall-guard.
Walkers on the path come and go about,
Laughs of the beauty on the swing waft out.
Sound of the laughter gradually fades away,
I fret as my love to her is ignored without a say.


Butterflies in Love with Flowers
Su Shi

Red flowers fade, green apricots appear still small,
When swallow pass
Over blue water that surrounds the garden wall.
Most willow catkins have been blown away, alas!
But there is no place where grows no sweet grass.

Without the wall there is a path, within a swing.
A passer-by
Hears a fair maiden’s laughter in the garden ring.
The ringing laughter fades to silence by and by;
For the enchantress the enchanted can only sigh.

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Post time 2007-7-12 19:11:18 |Display all floors
I need your comments on this

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Post time 2008-7-30 00:11:12 |Display all floors

当然第一个翻译好!!!

语感最重要,第一个翻译每句话都高出第二个翻译一大截,我都不知怎么comment了,呵呵:)

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Post time 2008-7-30 11:29:32 |Display all floors
For the enchantress the enchanted can only sigh.

别的不说了,第二首的最后一句就不是很对头。

这个 enchantress 的意思是“a woman who is considered to be dangerously seductive”。这与原诗中“佳人”二字的感觉相距太远了。

Cheers!

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