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age, a gap to marrage? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2007-6-15 21:29:14 |Display all floors
i will be 27 years old two months later, and my cute g/f is only 19. she is so sweet and kind to me, but as a mature man(most of the time i don't think so), i have to consider something about marriage, even though is still a bit early to her ( the legal age of marry is 22? i am not quite sure). i found that we have so many problems which i afraid that will be a disaster after married. she is from sichuan provence, and i am a local cantonese, she likes spicy food while i can't stand even a single chilli in a dish, now we still can make  concession for each other most of the time, but in the long run, the volcano will burst someday, i have heard some cases in some tragic families.  and i am not sure if she will get bored of me when i grow old. there are still many other troubles we face whick i am not in the mood to list each out here, but anyway, our sex live are quite satisfied. do u think this can be a factor strong enogh to overcome the setback to remain our relationship ? i am too old to waste time to start a new emotion, hope someone can give me some tricks to pave a smooth road to a happy family after married.

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Post time 2007-6-16 01:48:31 |Display all floors
I guess the problems you describe are what most people are afraid of. Sometimes it just doesn't work and people divorce, other times people forgive eachother for their shortcomings and they don't divorce. People with children are also less prone to divorce because they don't want to destroy the childhood of their kid.

As for the difference in age between you two; I guess 8 years is quite a lot and you have to remember that she's not really thinking about marriage. Just remember how you thought about relationships when you were 19.

I guess doing new things in a marriage will keep everything fresh, just remember why you loved the other person. Go out and do things, don't just hang around the house complaining. You could make trips and a lot of people go out and eat at restaurants. Do things you used to do when you were younger. (I'm talking about when you are both in your 40's. Then you should maybe do things that you used to do when you were 19 and 27. Like maybe you met eachother at the beach or somewhere else. So you could visit the beach and remember how you used to lay on the beach. Then those memories come back and fill your heart again.)
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

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Post time 2007-6-16 09:57:07 |Display all floors
thanks so much for your advice!! i will keep that in mind and try that if we are fortunate enough to be together that long.

sometimes she argues with me for some trifles unreasonably which she never did with someone else, its this behavior a reflect of her love or care of me? why love always comanies with unhappy?

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Post time 2007-6-16 10:15:16 |Display all floors
there are different responsibilities in different periods of one's live......and when you are dating you may pursue romantic,  go to romantic rastuarants and enjoy romantic meals, go to romantic places and enjoy romantic sceneries.......but when u are ready to marry, you must consider more deliberately, you should consider to buy a apartment be your bridal chamber, u should buy a lot of household goods. and the most important is you have responsibilities to care your family and make her live better

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Post time 2007-6-16 10:19:25 |Display all floors
Originally posted by ronlee at 2007-6-15 21:29
i will be 27 years old two months later, and my cute g/f is only 19. she is so sweet and kind to me, but as a mature man(most of the time i don't think so), i have to consider something about marri ...


If your wife/partner has a mental age where all she can think of is partying while all you can think of is the next mahjongg game then you are not compatible even if you are both 25 years old. It is more important that you are mentally compatible and share a love for the same things in life.

I have married a Sichuan girl who is significantly younger than me and her tastes in food are VERY different. She can eat the food that I like but prefers the Sichuan  food. I find that there is very little of the Sichuan hot and spicy food that I can eat even if I learned to enjoy the taste - simply because it looks inedible to me (cultural education). Sometimes we eat the same food but usually we eat different food and it hasn't been a problem for us.

If you have these worries about your differences then you need to learn to be very patient and understanding. More importantly, you need to be able to discuss your differences and understand each others' point of view even if you don't agree. A sense of humour is essential.  And learn to say that you are sorry even when you think she is to blame - it removes the barrier of hostility which prevents discussion.
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Post time 2007-6-16 10:25:57 |Display all floors
Originally posted by ronlee at 2007-6-16 09:57
thanks so much for your advice!! i will keep that in mind and try that if we are fortunate enough to be together that long.

sometimes she argues with me for some trifles unreasonably which she  ...


When we start new relationship, particularly when we are young, it is common to argue. We argue because we constantly push against the barriers of the other person's ideas as we learn about each other. Eventually you will either reach an understanding because you can accept the differences in each other or you will break apart. But if they are just trifles - don't argue with her - laugh at her/with her because such a small thing is important to her.

[ Last edited by fatdragon at 2007-6-16 10:33 AM ]
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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-6-16 12:46:15 |Display all floors
i am ashame to talk about this but i really need different opinions from u guys---- sometimes i'd like to be a role of her father, lead her to learn more english, or rather "push" her to learn more, as in her formative years, i want her to improve more. half of the time she appreciates for what i have done, but frictions happen sometimes inevitably. am i too dominate that trying to change my g/f for my preference? most of people said that i should love what she is, but i just tried to do something good for her since her father didn't . of course i love what she is, i will love her much deeper if she can change for me, actually she can understand this, hopefully i will not be blamed.

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