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E-C Translation Exercise: Grateful for corrections and comments [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2007-1-27 06:15:15 |Display all floors
I have tried to translate the passage below into Chinese, but I know that it's probably riddled with gramatical mistakes and inappropriate use of words.
I would be grateful for any corrections and comments.

Original version
The world has changed radically since the UN took shape at the end of the
World War II, almost sixty years ago. It is these changes that UN Secretary-General
Kofi Annan now wants to give more recognition to through his proposals for
the most wide-ranging reforms of the UN since 1945.
In reality, he came up with a recipe for a new world, where human rights,
the battle against hunger and poverty and arms control will have a much
more prominent place in the UN. A lot of work and detailed analysis are
behind the proposals. Like all wise policies, they took into account today's
realities. And they seek a balance between the benefits such reforms would
have for various groups of countries: in industrialized countries hit by
terrorism and in developing countries  that are still fighting basic poverty.

We hope this balance will succeed when the 191 UN members review the proposals
and pass their resolutions for changing the UN charter in September.

My attempt at translating it :
Translation
几乎六十年 以前, 第二个世界战争末,联合国成形了。从那时候以来,世界改变
了很多。 联合国秘书长安南向承认的变化就是这些, 用从1945 年一来最广泛的改
革的建议。实际上他想出了一个新世界的办法,在这个世界里,人权,与贫穷,
饥饿 的头争, 军备控制在联合国有更杰出的地位。
这些建议经过很多努力,详尽的分析。跟所有的有智慧的建议一样, 它们体谅今天
的现事 (真实), 也想对不同的国家-- 反对恐怖主义的发达国家和还头争的发展中
国家 -- 带来平衡的利益。
我们希望九月联合国的191 成员思考建议和通过 改变联合国特许状的它们的决议的
时候, 这个平衡会成功。


Thanks.

[ Last edited by waibeijing at 2007-1-27 06:54 AM ]

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rovi297 has been deleted
Post time 2007-1-27 06:21:08 |Display all floors

I reckon yours is done by a translation machine, right?

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Post time 2007-1-27 06:34:43 |Display all floors

It's that bad?!!

Hi Rovi,
Thanks for your post. No translation machine was responsible for the monstrosity above - I am solely to blame! Most of the words i wrote without reference to the dictionary, though i had to check quite a few, for instance "detailed analysis", "wide-ranging", etc. Ofcourse the English in the original version is at times unclear or plain wrong, eg " hope this balance will succeed".

Yes, I am (trying) to learn Chinese, but have great difficulty in translating a slightly complex sentence into Chinese, getting the sentence structure right, and not sounding as if it is, as you put it "done by a translation machine".
So was hoping for some suggestions (unless its so bad as to be hopeless!!).
Clearly I haven't got very far with my language!!
Thanks for the feedback

[ Last edited by waibeijing at 2007-1-27 06:37 AM ]

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Post time 2007-1-27 06:42:48 |Display all floors
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Post time 2007-1-27 06:53:45 |Display all floors
yes, I get that, any institution or organization would be 'established', 成立,not 成形‘ed.
A problem i often have is where to break up the original English sentence while translating it into Chinese. For you it would be most natural, because you know how it should sound in Chinese.

.... oh sorry the extra 地and的 after 改革 was a typo, as was the 用,while entering it in, since i changed the sentence structure a couple of times!!

you are too modest - i have heard your name mentioned, along with others like hly, as the best English speakers on the board, and with the translation abilities of a ......I was about to say translation machine, but i gather you don't hold them in very high esteem!
best

[ Last edited by waibeijing at 2007-1-27 06:58 AM ]

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Post time 2007-1-27 10:07:04 |Display all floors
你的汉语不错。以下供你参考:

Originally posted by waibeijing at 2007-1-27 06:15

The world has changed radically since the UN took shape at the end of the World War II, almost sixty years ago.
几乎六十年 以前,第二个世界战争末,联合国成形了。

这句话讲了四件“事”:这个世界已经发生了巨大变化(The world has changed radically),从联合国建立伊始(since the UN took shape),第二次世界大战结束时(at the end of the World War II),几乎六十年前(almost sixty years ago)。
用白话文连接起来就是:联合国成立于二次世界大战末期,差不多有六十年了,从那以后,整个世界发生了非常大的变化。

It is these changes that UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan now wants to give more recognition to through his proposals for the most wide-ranging reforms of the UN since 1945.
联合国秘书长安南向承认的变化就是这些, 用从1945 年一来最广泛的改革的建议。

分解:联合国秘书长安南现在要给予这些变化以更多的确认(UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan now wants to give more recognition to these changes), 以他本人的提案的方式(through his proposals), 自1945年以来对联合国实施的范围最广的改革(the most wide-ranging reforms of the UN since 1945)。

合并:联合国秘书长安南现在提出一系列建议,对联合国施行自1945年以来范围最广的改革,希望通过这些改革,使得上述变化能够在更大程度上确定下来。

[ Last edited by nyleda at 2007-1-27 10:10 AM ]

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