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I have decided to begin writing a series of threads dedicated to improve your understanding of sex, and its relationship with love and social life.
I don't consider myself in posession of the only truth, or all the answers, but I want to share my experiences while I can give you some tips and advice you may like to use.
But where are my manners? Please allow me to introduce myself. You can call me Mr. Pleaser. I am an European man 2 months shy of being 30yo, and I have been living in China for almost 4 years. I love this country, and here I found a job, a home, good food and nice company. I can say that I would love to try my best to help this great country, so if you do not love China you may as well stop reading now.
Not because I am a foreigner, but because I am a human being, I love sex. I have latin blood in my veins and maybe because of this I always tried to explore new ways to improve my sexual skills. Although I believe my future posts can be applied to any kind of relationship, I will have to mention that I am straight male and I love women. I love women deeply, thus my nickname "Pleaser".
I could finish the thread here, as I just wanted to introduce myself, but I think now what we have started we may as well beging with a very common topic for women. Sex before marriage.
I recently talked with a girl about this topic. Here is part of our conversation (literal transcription):
Me- You don't want to hav sex before marry, does this mean you never had sex before?
She- Yes that's tru. i never try before.
Well no comments here. I respect anyone's decision...just feel sory for her.
Me- If you marry a man, he probably have sex before. So do you think is fair he had sex and you didn't?
She- I don't mind my future husband have sex before.you know woman and man are alway unfair in this kind of society. we cannot change this.here in china. men will mind his wife is not virgin.but they always have sex before marry.what can we do? just have sex before marrry also??
We can not change this? We can not easily change a law, or a rule, or the color of our eyes, but now you are willingly going to give away the little freedom you have left? Women and men must be treated EQUALLY, I can not emphasize that more! If I man have sex before mariage, a woman can do so too. Why? For any reason you want. Because your body asks you to do so, because yo want the experience, because you want to be equal to man. Everything goes.
And the second part of her answer...man will mind his wife has sex before, but he wants do to so...what kind of man is that? So I can eat chocolate but you should not taste it, because I am better than you? Whatever makes any man or woman think they are better than others. If a man can not accept a woman because she has experience, is because this man is afraid, small, boxed-minded, and worry he will not perform as expected. He worry her previous lover could send her to heaven while he can only send her to sleep...Well men, is your duty to learn to be a great lover so she will know she married the best man, because he tried others and YOU are the one who gave her the best feeling.
Me- When you have sex with your husband, how do you know he will give you the best feeling? Love is part feeling and part body. How do you know he is the best for you?
She- I cannot agree with you more.but i still cannot persuade myself. I live in a traditional family.the ppl around me always mind this.so i must observe old rules.sometimes i want to change myself but i found it's very hard.you know i always worry about one thing.if i do sex with one guy.and then he will not marry me.so i need find another one.this one will mind .how can i explain? besides,i am afraid other ppl will misunderstand.i will not a girl like that.
So you want to have sex only with the person you will marry. In the same line, and following old rules, you should walk 7 steps behind your husband, and what are you doing working? you should be confined at home and cover your face. God, so many years women (and men) fought for equality and people still think in that way...it breaks my heart.
I am traditional. If I ever marry (still single...) I will respect and love my wife. I help my mother and give her money every month, and if I marry I will do the same to my wife. This are rules we should all follow. But about love, you should be free. Free to marry whoever you want, free to experience anything you like, and if someone disagree, remember this. You are living YOUR life, not someone else's. Also, consider that any time you can die. Every day there are accidents, and if you die now you will miss so much beauty in life...
Sex before marriage? YES. And not with one, but several partners. You must find your own sexuality and search for the best person for your body and soul. Don't let senseless customs destroy your chance to be truly happy. In my life I haev met several married women who told me how they needed to find lovers outside the marriage to keep their sanity, because they could not find any sexual happiness at home. In a word, they married the wrong man.
Just think about me.
And for men. Sex is more than you think. And sex is using your body and heart to demostrate the love (or affection, if is a lover) to the person who is now naked with you giving you her body for you to enjoy. In future entries I will respectfully describe different situations and ways to be able to satisfy your woman to the fullest, no matter your height, weight, age, or nationality.
I would be more than happy to answer any question you have, as long as is sensible to this topic. Of course, no personal questions please!