Author: whirlingone

(original works)Can you hear the falling leaves? [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-12-30 15:41:12 |Display all floors
Here's my version:
My daughter once asked me:“ Mom, in our textbook it says that the sound of the falling leaves is a kind of rustle, but I have never heard it, have you?” I thought for a second and answered honestly:“No, I haven’t,” seeing how my reply disappointed her.

Has anyone once heard the sound of the falling leaves? I tried, but failed. It was only the noise of stamping feet on those fallen leaves that I heard.

The basic sound of cities is made up of different noises coming from automobiles, construction sites, electronic gadgets…These noises make us nervous, fidgety—and injure our hearing. How can we hear the sound of falling leaves? We even lose the desire to try to listen.

There is a very beautiful essay called ‘Golden Rosebush’ by a Russian writer long time ago. In that essay he described his feelings when he heard the falling leaves: “The autumn night is all silent, surprisingly silent, not the least wind to be heard. I looked up at a tall maple tree and saw a leaf slowly falling. It shuddered for a second, taking a short pause in mid-air, and then wavered, a slight rustle, making its way to my feet…This is the first time I have heard the sound of a falling leaf. It was so vague, like the gurgle of a young baby.”

I was so moved by this description. And yet for me, I’d compare the sound of the falling leaves to the whispers between lovers. In a poor and lonely village a boy and girl sit side by side, silent, under a tall maple tree in a silent autumn night. There is a clear sky where the stars are smiling. They look into each other’s eyes for a long time, not a word to be said. Then there comes the sound of the falling maple leaves, the whispers of love…Someday, I’ll try to listen… This year’s autumn is so long. The maple leaves are still red.
"It was only the noise of the stamping of the feet on those fallen leaves that I heard" → the only noise I head (the one time I tried to listen)
"it was only the stamping sound on those fallen leaves that i have ever heard" → (any time I tried to listen) it was the only noise
I think you meant the first.

shawnine's phrase "Being overwhelmed by city noise,we even lose the passion trying to hear it." is a nice distillation of your phrasing…

I like qinger's handling also: "a boy and a girl sit side by side under a tall maple tree. stars shining above in the clear sky,  they look into each other's eyes, nothing to be said; dancing in the air, the maple leaves whisper the endless story of love…"

But the "stars smiling" is a sweet phrase.

"velvet sky" and "clear sky" are a little different, qinger. "Velvet" sounds lush, dark, mysterious; "clear" sounds, well, clear. luminous, starry. It's really a question of which one whirlingone wants to use.

Originally posted by whirlingone at 2006-12-29 04:22 AM
By the way, are you a native English speaker?
You go, girl! Good for you, qinger!

Here's your assignment, whirlingone—revise your beautiful essay, making whatever changes you like (from everyone's comments and your own ideas) and show it to us, and we'll help you some more…:)
中文我不会读也不会写。Really, I don't.

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Post time 2006-12-30 17:19:34 |Display all floors
many thanks, Jeff. :)

i could see that  you prefered to stick to the original writing while giving out your revision. it's nice of you to do so.  compared with your revision, i have changed the original one as much as i wanted, for example, i totally changed the passage at the end. kind of funny!  you could be a teacher, do you agree?


Someday, I’ll try to listen… This year’s autumn is so long. The maple leaves are still red.


your version is much better than mine(it implys that the writer is expecting to listen the rhythm of the falling leaves. my version shows it in a too direct way, hurting the tone of the whole beautiful essay).

whirlingone , hehe, i 'd like to award you an autumn leaf.

[ Last edited by qinger at 2006-12-30 05:25 PM ]
autumn leaf.jpg
私は花の子です。名前はルンルンです。。。。。。

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Post time 2006-12-30 17:54:55 |Display all floors
Well, I liked your version, also, qinger, but I did want to stick more closely to the original so whirlingone could see the revisions.

There was something elegantly simple about the way whirlingone ended it so I thought I would retain that.

I did love your phrase "dancing in the air, the maple leaves whisper the endless story of love…" I would put that in but it's  really up to whirlingone

How sweet of you, qinger, to award an autumn leaf. I offer an autumn evening
An Autumn Evening.jpg
中文我不会读也不会写。Really, I don't.

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Post time 2006-12-30 22:54:01 |Display all floors
Originally posted by qinger at 2006-12-30 12:39

personal view only:
i guess it's preferable to use "electronic equipments(devices)" when we say 电子设备(仪器) instead of "electonical equipments(devices)".


I noticed you didn't use 'electronical'. Is this word not commonly used?
Thank you.
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Post time 2006-12-30 22:55:42 |Display all floors
Originally posted by qinger at 2006-12-30 13:10


clear--> i guess the word "velvet" is much better than "clear" in this case describing the night sky.


I wouldn't have thought about 'velvet' due to my limited vocabulary.
Thank you.
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Post time 2006-12-30 22:57:42 |Display all floors
Originally posted by qinger at 2006-12-30 13:21


as city noises so overwhelming, how can we hear that rustling sound of falling leaves? we have even become insensible to the rhythm of nature.


Thanks for the modification.
''as city noises so overwhelming,'' Do we need to put 'are' like "as city noises are so overwhelming,"?
Also 'insensible' is a useful word to me. I wouldn't have thought about using it.
Thank you.

[ Last edited by whirlingone at 2006-12-30 10:59 PM ]
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Post time 2006-12-30 23:04:44 |Display all floors
Originally posted by jeff_in_sf at 2006-12-30 15:41
Here's my version:"It was only the noise of the stamping of the feet on those fallen leaves that I heard" → the only noise I head (the one time I tried to listen)
"it was on ...


''"it was only the stamping sound on those fallen leaves that i have ever heard"
Thanks for the modification, now I think 'I have ever heard' is much better than 'I heard'.
Now I understand that 'velvet sky' and 'clear sky' are a bit different, but I may choose either of them, right?
Well, as for the homework, I will try my best to do it.
Thanks a lot.
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