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Will you compromise toward reality in terms of marriage? [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-11-17 22:34:15 |Display all floors
If you aren't able to get what you want exactly from reality, will you compromise toward the reality? For example, if you cannot find a boyfriend or girlfriend who loves you truly, will you marry a person that is just ok, but doesn't satisfy you very well in fact because you've reached such an age for marriage?
Life is a journey, not a destination.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-17 23:41:29 |Display all floors
No, I would never marry someone I wasn't truly happy with. And what is that age for marriage? There is no perfect age unless you are female and for some reason you ABSOLUTELY MUST have a child and you are getting near the age when you maybe can't anymore... even still, you can adopt later if you marry later, or if you can afford it maybe you can have a baby and remain single (yikes, I know!)... but it's just an idea....

I've been in two very long serious relationships, and I can tell you it is NO fun living with someone you don't (or can't) get along with. You will go crazy living with someone, commited only to them, promised not to go with anyone else ever again, knowing they are not a great match for you and there might be someone (or many people) a lot better out there. Imagine eating with someone every day, sleeping with them, sitting next to them, obligated to talk with them, able to have sex ONLY with them... and you don't love them, or they don't love you. Don't do it. Torture, I tell you. Torture.
I am not rich.  :L

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-18 01:37:36 |Display all floors
Originally posted by lotus_flower at 2006-11-17 22:34
If you aren't able to get what you want exactly from reality, will you compromise toward the reality? For example, if you cannot find a boyfriend or girlfriend who loves you truly, will you marry a ...



In my view, this is a very personal decision. The question is, if you can't get the best, would you settle for the second best?....or would you take the approach that " I want the best and if I can't get the best I will have nothing"....Many people end up with nothing and they are happy because they believe it is worth it!

My position is that I would set up goals that are attainable and manageable within my limits. Again what is attainable and manageable for me may not be true for others. And the meanings of attainablilty and manageability are constantly changing too.

I need to have a feedback mechanism to keep me in touch with the ever changing reality and thus make appropiate adjustments to my most current circumstances.

Love affairs are even more personal than other stuff in life. Especially committing yourself to a life-long partner. Never rush yourself into anything is life rule #1...Yes, life is full of misses and gains. However, the worse thing you can do to yourself in life is to hand youself over to an abusive partner or a partner who you find no passion nor love.

Having children with someone you don't love is not cool...However, there are circumstances that one will chose other qualities over passionate love i.e. reliability, loyalty, honesty, etc...So if you have someone who loves you and met some of your requirements (even though you are not madly in love with him) and your priority in life is dependability, predictability, honesty, loyalty etc... and having a family (children)...you might want to consider him as a life-long partner.

Most of the flame of passionate love do not burn forever. How long do you expect such an high intensity of love would last (10 years? 20 years? 30 years? 40 years? 50 years?)? Look around you...You may find a few forever burning flames of passionate love!...Is it a common sight?

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-18 05:43:27 |Display all floors
I can only speak for myself on this subject as I am at that age now where I will have to make that decision soon, I have given it a lot of thought and with information gleamed from all my relationships thus far , I cannot marry for anything other than love, I have set very high standards for my relationships in the past and will continue to do so.
a marriage of convienience would be like living a lie, life is hard enough as it is without this sort of added pressure, I have resigned myself to the fact that if thing's do not go as planned in China with my continuing search for a wife then I will live alone knowing that I gave it my best shot  :)
There are no Ugly women , only those with low self esteem .

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-18 07:25:37 |Display all floors
oh ... I don't think I would do that stupid thing you are talking about here. Marriage is very serious and important part of life, I cant let it go like this ..it is very irresponsible to myself ... i only live once, i have to be responsible to myself .,,,

though i sometimes think marriage doesnt happen to everyone..and i guess i am one of them who wont get married eventually ... i have been alone all these years ..i think it will be really strange to live with someone for ever?...lol
I don't know if I like you or love you, want you or need you, all I know is I love the feeling I get when I'm near you.

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Post time 2006-11-18 07:50:41 |Display all floors
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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-18 07:51:56 |Display all floors
i think arranged marriage at some points can be good .... never know what love is cos love is arranged ...
I don't know if I like you or love you, want you or need you, all I know is I love the feeling I get when I'm near you.

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