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评王茜翻译的“微软巨额投资中国”-- 汉译英 [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-10-20 11:44:46 |Display all floors
有点冷清了,想玩个节目,不过这次评的,既不是“教授”也不是“权威”,而是一位国内译界的名人——

王茜,译界明星,英译水准一流,得到前辈首肯好评。

在下申明绝无冒犯之意,只是想借其明星光彩吸引“眼球”,若有不敬不当之处,还请包函。先告罪了!

这里引用的是王茜的[汉译英]“微软巨额投资中国”,原文及英译文均来自下列地址:http://www.wangqian.com.cn/it/6.htm

先将原文及王茜英译文按自然段落登出,一次一段,有疑问处作颜色标记,然后评论,并附“参考”译文——注:不是“标准”而是“仅供参考”,特别加重“仅供”,就是 "FOR YOUR REFERENCE ONLY" 的意思;同时也是“邀请参于”的意思。

下面是第一段

[原文] 当微软公司的CEO史蒂夫·巴尔默在6月26日向国家计委承诺,微软将在未来3年内向中国软件产业投入62亿元人民币时,几乎没有人相信微软是为了帮助中国软件产业的发展。
[王茜] When Steve Ballmer pledged to the National Planning Committee that Microsoft would invest RMB 6.2 billion to China's software industry, nobody really believed that Microsoft intends to help China's software industry by doing so.

>> (1) Different subjects are used in the when-clause (Steve Ballmer) and the main-clause (nobody). As a workaround, we can reinterpret the original Chinese as [当消息传来],几乎没有人相信……
>> (2) "MS intends to help... by doing so" can be replaced with "MS's intention was to help..."

>> [FYRO] When the news arrived that Steve Ballmer pledged to the National Planning Committee that Microsoft would invest RMB 6.2 billion to China's software industry, almost no one (几乎没有人) believed Microsoft's intention was to help develop China's software industry. (revised, incorporating the suggestions of seclusive)

[ Last edited by nyleda at 2006-11-25 09:35 AM ]

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Post time 2006-10-20 12:15:09 |Display all floors
俺陪你玩一把:

“国家计委” is an outdated name. Years ago the department was renamed 国家发展计划委员会,and it is now known as 国家发展和改革委员会。

The name of the department has never been translated as "the National Planning Committee." 国家计委 was translated as the State Planning Commission; 国家发展计划委员会, the State Development and Planning Commission (SDPC); and 国家发展和改革委员会, the National Development and Reform Commission (NDRC).

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rovi297 has been deleted
Post time 2006-10-20 13:24:20 |Display all floors

Well, lao P, it is just a name, isn't it?

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Post time 2006-10-20 13:57:12 |Display all floors
Originally posted by rovi297 at 2006-10-20 13:24
Virtually it means the same thing. ^_^

rovi is always on the side of beauties. when he sees a beauty, he forgets his discipline of being a figher :lol
kick.gif
或者升的更高,或者彻底堕落;
或者成就自己,或者毁掉自己。

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Post time 2006-10-20 20:11:54 |Display all floors
i am also on the side of beauties. that is why i have made up a secret decision.

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Post time 2006-10-20 22:18:12 |Display all floors
Originally posted by nyleda at 2006-10-20 20:11
i am also on the side of beauties. that is why i have made up a secret decision.

或者升的更高,或者彻底堕落;
或者成就自己,或者毁掉自己。

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Post time 2006-10-21 10:00:59 |Display all floors
第二段比较难。应该说原译不错了:如果是口译,那没话说;但就笔译而言,稍嫌粗糙。我试着改进一下,好象哪儿还是不对,但我不行了,请大家帮忙!对了,不限于标红色的地方哦。


[原文] 阴谋,天大的阴谋,踊跃地参与臆断和猜测的外界正在朝着这个结论靠拢。微软此举深意何在?中国政府用什么换来了微软的巨额投资?后一个问题听起来显然要严重得多。

[王茜] Conspiracy, totally a conspiracy, such is the conclusion drawn by more and more reporters. What on earth is the design of Microsoft by taking this approach? What has the Chinese government done to gain itself such a huge amount of investment from Microsoft? The latter one sounds much more important.


>> (1) For consistency, the past tense should be used.
>> (2) "踊跃地参与臆断和猜测的外界正在朝着这个结论靠拢" is under-represented.
>> (3) "用什么换" translates to "what trade-off is made in exchange of". On the contrary, "what is done to gain" doesn't suggest giving up in exchange for gains.
>> (4) important=重要; 严重=serious.

>> [FYRO] A conspiracy, massive conspiracy, such was the conclusion drawn by many already and would be by more who were still in suspicion. The media was furious: What was Microsoft after? What trade-off could the Chinese government possibly have made in exchange for the huge investment? Here, the second question appeared much more serious than the first one.

(改正了两处误拼。谢谢seclusive指正)


[ Last edited by nyleda at 2006-11-25 09:40 AM ]

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