Author: 12345678lj

How do you handle relationship with your parents ? [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-9-1 17:56:47 |Display all floors
I have a bit of a problem with my mother, she is a racist she absolutely hates Asian's, she hates African Americans as well, I don't know where she gets it from but it is going to have a large impact on my life soon, I am going to China to meet my girlfriend for the first time, we have been talking and writing for the last 12 months and I feel that she may be the woman of my dreams, how do I explain to her that my mother hates all Asian's and will have nothing to do with her, as she is Chinese family is very important to her as she lost her mother at a young age, I'm sure she will be hoping that my mother will fill that gap for her, all I can think of at the moment is to have nothing to do with my mother untill she comes to her senses, what do you think ?
There are no Ugly women , only those with low self esteem .

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Post time 2006-9-1 22:18:46 |Display all floors
Originally posted by cyberspook at 2006-9-1 17:56
I have a bit of a problem with my mother, she is a racist she absolutely hates Asian's, she hates African Americans as well, I don't know where she gets it from but it is going to have a large impa ...


Wow, that's too bad. You're in for some rough times I think, but I also think she'll soften over time once she sees you're happy with that person and she gets to know her. Ultimately parents want to see us with someone that's GOOD for us, and if this new woman is good to you, and your mom can see you're happy together, she'll soften. Heck, she may even be secretly proud YOU'RE not racist. (I'm a mom too, I'm imagining what it would be like; we want our kids to be better than us, really)

My dad is racist too, BUT I can see that he's become less racist over time. When I was 16, he flat out told me which races I'd better not bring home. (and I thought, "ok, I'll go to their houses instead") But I had a conversation recently with him and asked what if I wanted to marry a black or asian or whatever guy, and he said something like... if he has a good job and treats you right, then i don't have a problem with it. !!! My mouth dropped, I was so surprised to hear him say that! So there is hope.... BTW, he would want a white guy to also "have a good job and treat me right".

HAha... maybe it's because I almost married a white guy he hated and DIDN'T treat me right or have a good job.... or because I'm getting older and he just wants to see me married and will "compromise" now or something.. haha... I dont' know... actually he works with other races now, maybe he's seen successful people of other races & sees they're friendly nice people, etc....

Just stick to it and keep repeating your best lines.
Good luck with that.
I am not rich.  :L

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Post time 2006-9-1 23:59:01 |Display all floors
Originally posted by cyberspook at 2006-9-1 17:56
I have a bit of a problem with my mother, she is a racist she absolutely hates Asian's, she hates African Americans as well, I don't know where she gets it from but it is going to have a large impa ...


I believe being a racist is a learned behavior. If your mother could learn it, she could also unlearn it. But you do have an uphill battle in your hand.

I was in the similar situation, except my girlfriend was a Caucasian female. At the time, I firmly believe it was my own life and no one else business including my parents. I ignored their racist comments and attitudes. It was hard for me but so what! Living my life as I wanted is more important than being a "good" son. I chose the former and not the latter. You lost some and you gain some. That's the law of nature. Can't have everything you wanted!
:)

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Post time 2006-9-2 18:13:25 |Display all floors
it sounds like I'm not the only one with this problem I wonder if it has anything to do with the age bracket of our parent's ? I think my mum's racism comes from the second world war and the treatment of prisoners by the Japanese, as far as my mum is concerned all Asians are the same, I point out to her that being English we were responsible for the crusades where we went to other countrys and killed those that held other religeous beliefs, of course her answer was but that was a long time ago we can't be held responsible for their actions " exactly my point ' but it falls on deaf ears.
There are no Ugly women , only those with low self esteem .

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Post time 2006-9-2 23:37:48 |Display all floors
Well, I don't know where my family's racism started, but I can say with great certainty that is diminishing over time. My grandfather was VERY racist, I remember some of his comments when I was little. As a little girl, of course I loved him to death, but I do remember some of his little comments. My father, as I said, was quite racist, presumably learned from his father, but is less so now... my brother is *slightly* racist... hard to explain... and the most recent generation, my son, is the least racist. I'd like to say my son is not racist at all, and in his heart I think he's not, but he has had some experiences that have made him be a little wary of a certain race. I hope he can grow out of that as he grows up and sees more of that race, and that they are not all like the group he encountered.
I am not rich.  :L

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Post time 2006-9-3 16:08:29 |Display all floors
Originally posted by 12345678lj at 2006-8-12 18:28
I have no better way to treat this but to behave as I wish.

As I noticed, all the parents quarrel with their children. Why? I think it is Generation Gap. Look, Parents born in last century had t ...


I would suggest those interested
to read a great book
"HOW TO REPAY THE KINDNESS OF OUR PARENTS
FOR GIVING BIRTH TO US"

i THINK IT IS AVAILABLE IN CHINA THOUGH
I READ A TRANSLATED VERSION TO ENGLISH.


THXS.
What's on your mind now........ooooooooooooooo la la....Kind Regards

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Post time 2006-9-3 20:03:03 |Display all floors
I can think of many ways to repay my parents kindness but public flogging was outlawed here, it would certainly go a long way to repay them for my constant beatings as a child.
There are no Ugly women , only those with low self esteem .

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