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一篇留学文章(C-E)请大家修改 [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-5-7 10:33:37 |Display all floors
PERSONAL  STATEMENT
很幸运,我出生在一个充满爱心和崇尚个人奋斗的家庭。
Luckily, I was born in a family full of love and highly advocating self-made success.
我父母在我成长过程中,发挥了巨大的引导作用。从我童年时期开始,在当地、在同龄人中就开始接受最好的教育,包括幼儿园、小学和初中,除了接受学校完整的正规教育之外,我父母也非常重视在其它才艺方面对我进行培养,譬如:弹钢琴、学绘画、打篮球等等。初中阶段,我考入我们当地最好的学校-XX外国语学校并以优异的成绩毕业。
During my growing up, my parents played a very important role in guiding me.  When I was a little girl, I received the best education both in my city and among children of the same age, including kindergarten, primary school, and junior high school. Apart from the formal schooling education that I received, my parents also focused on other aspects, such as :piano, painting, and basketball. When in junior high school, I succeeded in the exams, got enrolled by the best local school – XX foreign language school, and finish education there with excellent academic performance.

2003年7月,我经过层层选拔,考入XX的唯一的一个全国班。
In July, 2003. I was enrolled by XX., and became a student of an unique national class.(the students are from all parts of the country)

在那里接受了为期三年的严格的基础训练。除了学业上的进步之外,离开父母从XX来到上海的三年独立生活,培养了我的生活自理能力、学会了如何更好地与老师和同学沟通以及建立融洽的关系,学会如何自己处理自己的学习和生活。这在中国所谓“小皇帝”的一代人中是非常不容易的,因为在我的同龄人中,这个年龄段都依赖父母,大多数人过着“饭来张口、衣来伸手”的生活。
After 3 years' of strict basic training there, I made progress in my academic performance, and also improved my independent living ability , how to communicate and establish harmonious relationship, how to cope with the balance between study and life.  This is not easy for students of  my generation, which are often called “little emperors”. Because they are mostly dependent on their parents, and live a  comfortable life with no worry of clothes and meals.
在上外的三年为我今后的发展奠定了基础,也为我将要独自一人留学美国创造了条件。因此我认为,SDSU这次录取我是他们的正确选择,因为我觉得在同龄人之中我是非常优秀的。
This experience offered me a foundation for future development, and gave me an advantage over others to study abroad.  Therefore, I think, the admission by SDSU is the good choice, because I reckon I do very well among Chinese students of the same age.
中国近20余年的快速发展,社会治理结构已经发生了重大变化。我认为:当前中国以科技专家为主体的团队管理国家的模式将会逐步发生变化,取而代之的将是象台湾、新加坡以及美国等发达国家那样,由经济学家、法学家、金融专家等社会科学专家组成的团队来管理我们的国家。这是我将去SDSU学习经济学的原因之一。
China has experienced 20 years’ rapid development, and significant changes in the structure of social management.  I believe the management mode that is mainly made up of technique exports will gradually be replaced by the mode that exists in Taiwan, Singapore, and the United States and other developed countries and regions, and which is managed by economists, lawyers, financial exports and social experts.  This is one of the reasons that I want to study economics in SDSU
同时,我家族事业的发展,也需要我将来有能力去管理并且不断发展壮大我父母的企业。第一代人创业之后,企业能否基业常青,接班人的培养非常重要,这是东方的传统,也是我父母为什么花巨资让我去SDSU接受更好教育的根本原因。
Besides, With the family business development, It’s necessay for me to have enough management capability to continuously expand the enterprise. After the business establishment of the first generation, the successors are decisively important to whether or not the future enterprise can keep growing, which is a Chinese tradition, and also why my parents invested greatly to let me study in SDSU
我父母的企业经过10余年的资本积累,已经进入了一个高速发展期。企业的主营业务是塑料加工,每年有大量的塑料原料和塑料加工机械需要从美国和欧洲进口,迫切需要大量的国际化人才,所以,进入美国之后的若干年里,如果我能认真学习语言、经济、金融等相关知识,我坚信回国后一定会极大推动我父母企业的发展。
After 10 years’ of capital accumulation , my parents’ enterprise has entered into a high speed developing period. The main business is plastic processing. Every year a large amount of plastic materials and processing equipments are imported from the Unites States and European countries, So there’s an urgent need for global talents. Therefore, in the upcoming years in the United States, I firmly believe my hardworking in language, economy , finance and related knowledge will greatly push forward the development of the enterprise.

当然,如果我能够把自己的企业经营管理好,充分证明自己的能力和个性,我相信自己将来有机会在更大的舞台上为我自己的国家效力,凭着自己在美国的生活学习经历,将来也有机会为推动中美这两个大国之间的经济技术交流做出贡献。
Besides, If I can do a good job in management, it will fully prove my personal ability, and personality. And I believe that I’ll have a chance to devote myself to my country on a larger stage. With my life and education experience in US, I can contribute to the economic and technology exchanges between the two countries.
我相信我父母的眼光,在我身上的教育投资比买房、买车、买地的投资更会有更大的受益。因为我的素质和潜能决定了我一定会在美国认真学习,成为一个有益于家庭和社会的人才。
I trust that the education investment endowed by my far-sighted parents on me brings more benefits than buying houses, cars or real estates.  Because of  my quality and potential. It’s certain that I'll make the greatest effort to pusue my further study in the United States , and become a real talent useful to both my family and the society.

[ Last edited by hiy2004 at 2006-5-7 12:35 PM ]
理解=>表达=》润色
understanding+expressing+polishing

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Post time 2006-5-7 10:56:52 |Display all floors

"growing up" will be a much better choice

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Post time 2006-5-7 10:57:53 |Display all floors
Originally posted by rovi297 at 2006-5-7 10:56

Thank you for your input!!
:)
理解=>表达=》润色
understanding+expressing+polishing

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Post time 2006-5-7 10:58:12 |Display all floors

important role in guiding me

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