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Yes Freakyqi I am complimenting you I raised 4 kid and they are all responsible.
I was a littl worried that none of our Chinese friends would respond but xiaowuer did. I smiled at her response because my wife is a Sichuan girl, all of who are famous for being in total control. I guess I am not the average man who allows anyone to lead him around by the nose.......i present our relationship to my wife as a shared effort for a common goal. Of course she has nagged me to the point that sometimes I allow her to do it her way.........It always fails. She says, "that's not how we do it in China". I open the door, and say to her, "Does that look like China?" |
There are a lot of things she doesn't really understand and it has been a long process of change for her but I am patient. Our daughter accepts the changes quite quickly. For example: In China they don't start Science classes until 9th grade. Here in the US it is presented very early in a child's life. Our daughter had problems with 8th grade science because many of the the terms translated to Chinese are still unknown to her. We backed her to 7th grade science and she is accelerating in the subject and should be caught up by the end of the year. This was all my decision with the school administration. Parents don't generally become so involved with their children's education. I on the otherhand insist on being involved.
Another example: Money back home to my wife's parents. No I did not provide the money. I told her if she wants to send money, then she will get a job and get the money that way. I have my own mother to take care of if she ever needs it. When she got ready to send the money my Chinese brother in law reminded her that she must clear it with the "Master of the House". Of course I told her to send how ever much she wanted. It was her money. I could have controlled the amount she sent but it did it fairly and let her decide with my blessing in sending the money. That was what brought up the subject of the Master of the House.
There are many things she is learning to adapt to. Shopping, taxes, cooking and all the other relationship things that make a marriage.
When she and her daughter are shopping I tell them where I will be and they have to find me to buy something unless I have told them to use their own money. I do that from time to time.
I started a joint account for our daughter to go to college, if she does not go to college, then she will not get the money.
I give our daughter money from time to time as an allowance. She is expected to do certain things around the home and yard that are not normally considered chores in China. For example, I have required her to learn to drive my cars, trucks and tractors. There could be a time in the future that she would need to do these things. Our daughter is doing quite well with some of these extra things I require of her. She is also rewarded by my supporting her in her life goals and helping her achieve her goals. Loving a daughter and giving her the best help and support to become anything she wants in life is not common in China. To give her the best possible life and prepare her for it is my responsibility. My little Chinese daughter has the greatest respect for me and tells me often.
Xiaowuer, money is only a small tool in life. Knowledge, skills, understanding of the world around us has much more value. Far too many women see men as a stepping stone to get what they want in life and what happens is that they become an empty shell with no love to give or get. Life can be very lonely that way.