Author: spiritrace

An interesting subject came up in our house tonight....... [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2005-11-30 04:28:21 |Display all floors

thanks for the compliments (well, I'm taking it as compliments!)

So you have a badge now that says "Master of the House"? LOL
I'm sure they don't expect you to boss them around or anything, I'm sure you can be your nice ol' self even as "master". What would make me a little nervous is that maybe they expect you to be the sole provider. Well, I guess I shouldn't be too nervous, as that's what I've been doing for 14 years, but... what if something happened to you and you couldn't work as much, or couldn't drive or something? Would your wife be able to take over some of your responsibilities? Would her family see it as disgraceful (or whatever) if she had to work as much as, or more than you? (maybe she does now & that's not a problem, I don't know)

Maybe they just use that term as a... I don't know the word... to make it sound fun, or to jab at you a bit, like bachelors might joke about the new groom getting "shackled" or tied down and he's never going to have fun anymore. "Now you're the Master of the house! whoa-ho!". And we all know the woman is REALLY the master anyway.... but that's another story.

Maybe more chinese people can answer this too. (hint, hint)

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Post time 2005-12-1 08:41:52 |Display all floors


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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-12-1 11:38:37 |Display all floors

Yes Freakyqi I am complimenting you I raised 4 kid and they are all responsible.

I was a littl worried that none of our Chinese friends would respond but xiaowuer did. I smiled at her response because my wife is a Sichuan girl, all of who are famous for being in total control. I guess I am not the average man who allows anyone to lead him around by the nose.......i present our relationship to my wife as a shared effort for a common goal. Of course she has nagged me to the point that sometimes I allow her to do it her way.........It always fails. She says, "that's not how we do it in China". I open the door, and say to her, "Does that look like China?"
   There are a lot of things she doesn't really understand and it has been a long process of change for her but I am patient. Our daughter accepts the changes quite quickly. For example: In China they don't start Science classes until 9th grade. Here in the US it is presented very early in a child's life. Our daughter had problems with 8th grade science because many of the the terms translated to Chinese are still unknown to her. We backed her to 7th grade science and she is accelerating in the subject and should be caught up by the end of the year. This was all my decision with the school administration. Parents don't generally become so involved with their children's education. I on the otherhand insist on being involved.
   Another example: Money back home to my wife's parents. No I did not provide the money. I told her if she wants to send money, then she will get a job and get the money that way. I have my own mother to take care of if she ever needs it. When she got ready to send the money my Chinese brother in law reminded her that she must clear it with the "Master of the House". Of course I told her to send how ever much she wanted. It was her money. I could have controlled the amount she sent but it did it fairly and let her decide with my blessing in sending the money.  That was what brought up the subject of the Master of the House.
   There are many things she is learning to adapt to. Shopping, taxes, cooking and all the other relationship things that make a marriage.
    When she and her daughter are shopping I tell them where I will be and they have to find me to buy something unless I have told them to use their own money. I do that from time to time.
   I started a joint account for our daughter to go to college, if she does not go to college, then she will not get the money.
   I give our daughter money from time to time as an allowance. She is expected to do certain things around the home and yard that are not normally considered chores in China. For example, I have required her to learn to drive my cars, trucks and tractors. There could be a time in the future that she would need to do these things. Our daughter is doing quite well with some of these extra things I require of her. She is also rewarded by my supporting her in her life goals and helping her achieve her goals. Loving a daughter and giving her the best help and support to become anything she wants in life is not common in China. To give her the best possible life and prepare her for it is my responsibility. My little Chinese daughter has the greatest respect for me and tells me often.
   Xiaowuer, money is only a small tool in life. Knowledge, skills, understanding of the world around us has much more value. Far too many women see men as a stepping stone to get what they want in life and what happens is that they become an empty shell with no love to give or get. Life can be very lonely that way.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2005-12-5 11:44:45 |Display all floors


There's another recent post under "love, relationships,etc.." where someone just asked about financial arrangements in a marriage.

I've also seen that parents don't often get involved with their child's school. I tried, failed, and finally took him out. I'm trying to homeschool him, but it's really tough. I've always been slack with discipline (even with myself, so I'm a bad example!) so we aren't exactly on schedule with what we originally planned. But, we shall persist!

I don't know how I feel about the allowance thing. I can't really afford to just give my son money for whatever he wants, and I never got an allowance, so I don't give him one. Once in a while I buy him something extra if I sense he REALLY wants it, and he has some chances to make some extra money by doing odd jobs for his grandparents or aunt or our cousin. (mow a lawn, help paint a room, dog-sit, etc) They know I don't have a lot of money, so when they know he's saving for something they sometimes magically come up with extra jobs for him.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-12-6 07:10:01 |Display all floors

I give my daughter an allowance so that she can learn the American money

She gets about $5 a month. Not much. But, she is like her mother..... She is so tight you have to grease her to get her to let go of a penny! And yes, she is a universal daughter, cons me into paying for things she wants and not needs. So when we go to the grocery store or pay bills or buy gasoline, I give her the money to give to the clerk to learn. She understands RNB in China and is often shocked at the cost of things here in the US. There are two things that outrage my wife and daughter when they see the cost. Utilities and taxes on everything.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-12-7 07:49:39 |Display all floors

greek men are the masters

In Greece most people stick to tradition.This means that man is the master of  the house.It is completely ridiculous for a greek man to cook or to do housework.There are few who do it but in secret.You see if it is found out then these men will be considered as victims.I can say that in our days things have changed a lot since women are working.Nevertheless it is a shame for a man to cook.
I have one question here.I have heard that chinese men are used to cooking.Is n't it contradictory.How can you be a master while do women's jobs?

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2005-12-7 09:52:37 |Display all floors


Do Chinese men often cook if they are married?
If they are single/divorced they must cook for themselves, right?

What other household chores do Chinese men typically do or not do?

Great chefs are often (usually?) men, so why is it that men shouldn't cook?

If I were to marry a Chinese man (I'm not chinese), in what ways would he expect to be "man of the house"? What would be expected of me?

(I know these questions would be different for everyone, but all answers would be interesting anyway)

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