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haha...understand you, crcr2003, cross culture relatonship is painful sometimes, and of course it's beautiful most of the time as long as you love each other. |
You two have to meet somewhere in middle to move forward, otherwise, either you or she will be too frustrated so as to give up. Even chinese girls are different and have different philosophy when they are from different part of the country. So I'm not sure if what we tell you here work for you or not.
Having read your story, I can imagine how serious the girl's parents would be when they know their daugther dating a westner. All questions will raise in their mind: Is this guy serious or just want to have fun with my girl? Is this guy reliable and accountable? Is this guy ah honest and faithful person? Is he going to to cheat on our girl? ...... I can tell you, most of the parents, (that generation), do not quite accept multinational marriage in their mind, at least they don't believe in it. they believe it's going to be problem because of culture shock and language barrier. You have to take it, and understant parents always worry abou their kids.
What's most important is that how your gf thinks, how she feels about dating with you, if she likes and loves you, then love matters, everything will be cool if you two fight for your love, but be prepared.
Talking about how to treat Chinese girl, haha...sweet words with ACTION is important. Westners are very good at sweet words, which is very good, and all girls should love that, but what's equally important is "action". Let her know you love and care her from what you do, not just from what you say.
Flowers, 9 or 12 is not big deal to me, as long as I get flowers, I'm happy. so I'm not sure how your gf likes more.
Jewelry, well, of course I think most of girls like to recieve jewelry. but i believe you should give jewelry on right occasion. Giving valuable jewelries too casually might blind you to see what she really loves you for. However, it all depends, different girls react differently due to age, experience, philosophy and values system. You have to see and understand her with your heart.
Taking her on a trip, mmmm...that's a cool idea, whether she likes it or not, it all depends on how serious she take your relationship. and her family will be likely to disencourage her to go due to security concern.
To be direct or not, it depends on topic and specific situation, and also depends on her belief system and personality, you have to find out by yourself. But it's true that we Chinese girls are far not as direct as western girls, which does not mean good or bad, just a culture thing. So you have to observ her reaction and feedback to adjust your way of treating her. You have to give more specific examples for us to comment and suggest.
As a 22 Chinese girl, she should be shy and doesn't have much experience on relationships (esp sex), but maybe I'm wrong, younger generations have changed and they have more experience than what we had at their age..haha...anyway, you got to find out.
Having saying all above, the most important thing in a cross culture relationship is COMMUNICATION!! You need communication, communication and communication. Differences and conflicts can be communicated, learned, understood, so as to be accepted! So talk and ask her, and get her to ask and tell, when you communicate more, you will understand more....