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After reading your stories, I really feel concerned for you. I am not a believer of internet romance. But because I don't know you and him and the relationship of you two, I withhold my judgment on that aspect. Here are some general views of mine about your situation. |
First of all, if it doesn't feel right, then it is not right. I think someone before me already reminded you that it is very different situation for you vs. his in this relationship. You have to give up a lot more than he has to. In fact, he has only advantage to gain. It works only if you love him enough to not worry about gaining or loosing. But I don't see that in you. The reason you keep asking for advice is because you care very much about what it is for you in this relationship.
Second, you made it very clear to him that you will not make love to him during his visit to you later this year. I don't know I should applaud for your strong stand against pre-marital sex or feel sorry for both of you. Sex is a very important factor that makes a relationship work, especially for you two cause you don't even have a chance to physically touch each other. He is old enough to understand that. I guess that's why he is disappointed. I understand why you insist this point to him because you are a girl with virtues. But does he think it is a virtue that worth him to respect your choice? Obviously not. You two seem to be at two ends of the spectrum. One of you has to give up if you two want this to work.
Third, about the life ahead of you in another country, nobody can tell you whether is better or worse than the one you have in China. You are the person to determine that. In your post, you describe how the life would be ahead of you. I have to wonder where you get this idea. Did he tell you? So he drew the picture, and then put you into the character he creates. And you go along with it? You seem to be an independent and well-educated woman from your story. You should know that you marry somebody is because you love him and want to be with him. It doesn't mean that you give-up the right to live your life.
Last, about being a step Mom of his kids. I can't tell you much about this since I don't have any kids. But I know in the western society, 17 years old is almost an adult and they should be old enough to understand their parents' choice. I wouldn't worry about them too much. The one I would worry about is your own kids if you will have any with him. Personally I have seen kids experience lots of difficulties growing up with older parents, not to mention that you don't even have first hand experience of how to grow up in the west.
Sum it up: it is not easy! If you think financial stability can trump all the disadvantages, I can tell you are wrong. But love can conquer anything. And I believe you are a brave girl. No matter where you are, you can always pursue a good life for yourself.
Love is foolish and blind. If you want to go for your love, don't try to be smart and clear about everything.
No matter what your choice would be, don't lost yourself.