Author: spanielgirl

Friends with Chinese men [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2005-8-16 21:03:17 |Display all floors

Maybe it is the second time

I am a very attractive, educated Western woman and I fell in love with a Chinese guy.  He's tall, smart, good looking, sweet, strong, masculine, respectful and kind.  In fact, I've been pretty sad because I think he's going to end up staying with a Chinese girlfriend instead of me.  We're in the US and I think he feels more comfortable with her culturally even though he's been here for 15 years.  But he might be the greatest guy I ever met!

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Post time 2005-8-17 06:47:25 |Display all floors

An earlier report ....in February

A shocking revelation to the town in which she lives and the people who know her ...


Friday, February 11, 2005

Teacher's sex case has town in turmoil
CENTERTOWN, Tenn. — There's a Pamela Rogers Turner — the sweet-tempered, grade-school teacher who is seen as a role model for students.

And there's a Pamela Rogers Turner who in her college days was the glitzy Ms. Monday Nitro of World Championship Wrestling at Spring Break festivities in 1997.

The immense difference in those two images of the 27-year-old married teacher and coach has left townspeople and acquaintances here confused, as recent charges thrust this tiny town and its attractive teacher into a national media storm.

Many here are having a hard time coming to grips with the knowledge that the district attorney general has filed 28 sexual misconduct charges, accusing her of having sex with a 13-year-old boy who attended her school.

It's that contrast also that has drawn attention from a national press corps that has followed TWO FAIRLY RECENT AND SIMILAR CASES OF FEMALE TEACHERS IN WASHINGTON AND FLORIDA ACCUSED OF HAVING SEX WITH MINOR BOYS.

Dale Potter, who serves as prosecutor for Warren County, said that, while some in the media seemed to be highlighting the relationship of a young boy and an attractive older woman, ''FOR US, A SEX ABUSE CASE IS A SEX ABUSE CASE.''

''It's one thing for kids to think about and fantasize about a potential Mrs. Robinson,'' he said, referring to a seductive, older woman character in the movie The Graduate. ''It's another for that Mrs. Robinson to act.''

THOSE ACTS, HE SAID, ARE FELONIES, NOT FANTASIES.

Turner's estranged husband, Christopher, was not available for comment. But the 31-year-old high school basketball coach has filed for divorce, citing ''inappropriate marital conduct.''

Their Christmas card from a year ago shows a smiling, embracing couple standing in front of a mural of a moonlit cruise ship.

It's another piece of the puzzle that no longer seems to fit the image that many acquaintances saw.

THEY KNOW PAMELA TURNER AS A FORMER HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL STAR AND A YOUNG WOMAN ADMIRED FOR HER POLITE PERSONALITY AND CHARMING WAYS.

But Potter sees a CHILD ABUSER.

His office has charged Turner with 15 counts of sexual battery and 13 counts of statutory rape. She is accused of having sex with a 13-year-old boy who attended Centertown Elementary, where Turner taught physical education and coached basketball.

If convicted on all counts, Turner could face more than 100 years behind bars, although Potter said that a more likely sentence would run from one to several years.

Messages left for Turner's lawyer were not returned immediately.

Calls to a cell phone known to be Turner's also were not returned, but a message stated, ''Thank you so much for the support and please keep me in your prayers.''

Many can't comprehend it

Billy Medley has served Pam Turner plenty of meals at his family's meat-and-three restaurant in Centertown, where the woman ate regularly with her teaching friends.

The restaurant is a few hundred yards from the gray elementary schoolhouse where the teacher worked and where her alleged victim attended school.

THE BOY, WHO IS KNOWN TO MANY IN THE COMMUNITY, IS DESCRIBED BY MEDLEY AS ''AN AWESOME ATHLETE, A REAL SUPERSTAR.''

Medley had praise, too, for the teacher, who played on a state championship high school basketball team in Fentress County coached by her father, Lamar Rogers.

''It's a shame you can't interview her right now,'' Medley said yesterday. ''She's an awesome woman. SHE'S BEEN A REAL ROLE MODEL FOR THE CHILDREN.''

Centertown is a small community tucked into a rural corner of Warren County, where people specialize in growing plants that are intended to be shipped elsewhere.

''I'll tell you, Centertown is getting to be known for something else now

Opinion is mixed about the serious charges facing Turner.

''I do believe it somewhat,'' said resident Howard Thomas, noting the lengthy list of charges that Warren County authorities have leveled at the young teacher. ''But of course, you're innocent until proven guilty.''

Turner frequented a tanning salon adjacent to Medley's restaurant.

Medley said that the teacher was quite proper and modest when she arrived to take her turn on the tanning bed. He said she was an accomplished athlete herself and that the little children at the school, where his 6-year-old daughter also attends, adored the teacher.

''They would scream, 'Mrs. Turner! Mrs. Turner!' whenever they saw her,'' Medley said.

.....

Parent Frank Tibbetts sat in his idling car waiting for the bell to ring. He emphasized that no one knows for sure what happened except for the defendant and her alleged victim. But the gossip was thick inside the classrooms, according to what his children told him.

''If it did happen, it's a mighty sad thing,'' he said. ''You need to be able to trust your children's teachers.''

FEMALE SEX ABUSERS ARE RARE

Metro police Sgt. Mark Chesnut has spent eight years investigating sexual child abuse.

''Less than 5% of our cases are female perpetrators,'' said Chesnut, who very recently transferred to another division.

Chesnut said he could not recall any cases of female teachers being accused of sexual abuse on a student in Davidson County during his time as a sex crimes investigator.

Vanderbilt University clinical psychologist Tom Catron said that THE SEXUAL ABUSE OF A MINOR COULD HAVE LONG-LASTING EFFECTS ON THE CHILD.

He said the depth of the devastation would depend on the trauma associated with the abuse and on the effectiveness of the treatment.

Catron said that while in some cases adult perpetrators will claim that their young victims were consensual partners, it is very difficult to see a 13-year-old as being on equal emotional footing with the older sex partner.

He said the fact that the adult charged in the Warren case was an authority figure could hurt the child's sense of security and ''distort their sense of what sexual intimacy is. It could really scar them for life.''

Hometown doubts charges

Turner comes from a well-known family of educators in Fentress County. Her father is a legendary girls basketball coach at Clarkrange High School, having won seven state championships in 29 years. Her mother is an elementary school teacher.

Turner started at power forward on the 1995 state championship team.

Fentress County Circuit Court Clerk Frank Smith said news of her arrest had been swirling around Jamestown and that people didn't believe it. Smith, an avid booster of the Clarkrange basketball team, said he had known her since she was a little girl.

Smith followed her career in college, too, and said she played one year at Tennessee Tech before transferring to Cumberland University.

He said many people in town believed the accusations were mixed up with a nasty divorce filed in January.

''She was a super ball player and a super person,'' Smith said. ''She's one of the warmest people and nicest people you'd ever meet.''

Former state legislator Tommy Burnett, who splits time between Nashville and his home in Fentress County, said his daughter was friends with Turner growing up. Burnett said she would come around his family's home.

''I never saw anything out of her that would give rise to my belief she would be guilty,'' Burnett said. ''She's got a super, outgoing personality.''

The Rogers family also has a history with chicken farming — one of Fentress County's main industries.

Attorney Skid Garrett said his son was good friends with Turner's only brother. They played football together in high school and his son would spend time at the Rogers home.

''It's going to be devastating to this community if Pamela is found guilty,'' he said. ''Frankly, everybody just loves her here.''

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Post time 2005-8-17 09:08:43 |Display all floors

ab4jianglin

then let him go.   You don't want to end up with a man who doesn't have courage to adapt to new situations and to break the zone of comfort.  He will be nothing more than a loser.  Physical attraction is not sustainable in a long term relationship and only the kind and smart men are the men of men.

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Post time 2005-8-17 09:33:29 |Display all floors

Thanks for the advice

Odwilla,
I'm stupid and left out important details...

1st of all, this guy is actually very well adjusted here, but he married a friend from Beijing so that she could come here and avoid legal prosecution there for some big problem she had.  They need to remain married at least 5 years here before she can apply for permanent status here.  A lot happens in 5 years and that's precisely where they're at now.  He's never lied to me or tried to make me feel badly and he's been very respectful to me...and in an odd way even to her, as he really has never done the gross thing that American guys tend to do, which is put down or minimize their wives and girlfriends to establish a "legitimate" reason to cheat.  This Chinese guy I met is nothing like that.  He's got his "issues" and I have my blind spots where he's concerned, no doubt, but there is (or at least there was) a DEFINITE chemistry and affection developing between us that had the elements of becoming something lasting, but he seems very divided about whether or not to remain married.  I think he feels a sense of responsibility toward his "wife" and I suspect that he knows that in terms of values ,and those kinds of underlying interests that are often at the root of both successful and failed relationships, it's just going to be easier with a Chinese woman.  With only a rather brief exception, and one that I saw him struggle with pretty intensely, this guy has been honorable to me and to the committment he made to his "wife."  It speaks volumes for the high quality person he is, and I admire him so much for it...but I REALLY miss the closeness that was developing and our open conversations.  He was always a little reserved, but even his co-workers said that they had never seen him act this way toward a woman before he met me.  Sigh.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-8-18 12:54:01 |Display all floors

these people suck

Ok i deciede that i'll give you the real answer because some of there people suck.

I'm dating the most wonderful Chinese man in the world, I love him with all my heart. When he looks me in the eyes i just know.

Iv been friends with him sence the day he came over from China, because of him iv meet a lot of other chinese both men and women. The guys are usualy great they are a lot of fun and really nice. They somtimes make jokes about us but for the most part they are really suportive. They are my friends to.

Friendships with chinese guys can be a great thing. So if its somthing that u really want go 4 it.

Kei,

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-8-19 17:17:30 |Display all floors

Please don't worry!!

I noticed that some people left some bad words about Chinese men, but friends, don't get disappointed by them, cuz I don't think all the words are reasonable and reliable. If you want to make Chinese friends (men), just open your heart and I believe that there will be many kind people who will help you! Just be happy!

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