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Saturday night, 2 am. Never thought I would be alone again.|
For a moment, my mind was at peace after all this time, but not for long.
Peace shatters so easily as if I have no right to have it.
My thoughts return again, to my wife.
She’s not here. She must be asleep now, free of her demons, just for a while.
Has it been 7 years already since I first saw her?
Dressed in that white summer skirt, looking out into the distance on the balcony.
I felt something stir. It was our beginning. But of what? I still don’t know.
Photos of us adorn our bedroom walls. Only 23 years old then.
Maui, 1999. The clear blue sky, the sand, the palmtrees, the endless ocean, and us.
Oh god, she is still as beautiful as I first saw her, but how I have aged these years.
Putting down the wine. “I should stop”. Close my eyes. “I know, but I need this.”
“How do I feel about our marriage?” Confusion sets in.
So many thoughts flashes. “I don’t’ know.” But I do know…
It’s a mistake. A young and beautiful mistake. It has consumed me, no, her as well.
It’s is still full of love, or I wouldn’t be here, be in this state, feeling this way.
Love is one thing we don’t lack. What we lack is fate.
No, we have plenty of that as well, it is what brought us together.
But it’s also what is killing this marriage and is what’s tearing my heart out.
I planned for everything. I left ample margin for error. She trusted my intelligence.
And it was perfect. Three years after our wedding, we had the world in our hands.
But fate had other plans.