Author: cmknight

Questions about Marriage between Foreigners and Chinese [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2005-3-5 20:14:04 |Display all floors

Do whatever you like!

people may have such kind of views about marring to a foreigner,but to my part ,i support you from the bottom of my heart! it is your happyness,you have the right to do whatever you want to if it is right!Never care about what others would say to your wedding,you are right!!

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-3-5 20:30:28 |Display all floors

I have faced similar situation and I have to give up the relationship because sh

She was an assistant professor at one of the best Chinese university teaching geography but had a few years left before receiving pension.

I was in your shoes and understood the situation very well.

I have no choice but had to hold off the relationship and "put it on ice" !!

The cultural/societal forces are so great that you have to wonder sometimes relationship even between Chinese may not work due to geographic location and other factors such as pensions.

Did I regret to let that relationship go ? No, Life goes on and I understand she has to stay in CHINA and I have to return back to America.

I don't believe in "distant relationship" unless you knew someone for long time i.e. since high school or college and you went on to different cities to work but decided to reunite later on.

The situation of Xiphoid is slightly different than dating someone 10,000 miles away and 12 hours different and internet was not widely used in early 1990 !

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2005-3-6 10:07:24 |Display all floors

Problem solved?

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful suggestions and kind words of encouragement.

I spoke to my fincee (weihunqi) on the telephone last night.  she was quite upset and angry with the school.

Apparently she asked them, again, about leave, and a permission letter to get married, and was denied, for various reasons:

1) We (the school) can't find a replacement teacher in the time between now and July.
2) You have to cater to our schedule, not us to yours.
3) We can't find anyone to cover your classes.
4) It is morally wrong for you to marry a foreigner, and forsake China.
5) We (the school) will lose face if you marry a foreigner.

I laughed at the last two items.  These came from a school that instructed their students to lie to the inspectors when the school tried to get its "Model School" status, and doctored records and statistics to make itself look better in the eyes of the inspectors.

My fiancee has made up her mind.  When it comes time for us to get married, she says she will pack up and leave in the middle of the night, without telling anyone, and come south.  Because of the school's idiotic stance on Chinese marrying foreigners, and refusal to show any leniency or leeway, she doesn't care about the pension, anymore.

I told her that she doesn't have to be so drastic, and that I would contact the Canadian embassy to see if there were any other options, but she seems to have made up her mind.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-3-6 11:09:48 |Display all floors

Mr.CMKnight, Tell your girlfriend to relax and should never bring the subject up

Confrontation with the school authority is not the best way to solve a problem, especially something like marriage to a Canadian.

It is a "game" about control and I hate to say she has not kept her "COOL" and showed the emotional side of her.

I do have a stern warning to anyone marrying to westerner:"The other side of the grass is not always green".

Canada, by all means, has the highest immigration rate  per population among G-7 nations and create an abundance of immigrants results in doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers working in factories making $10.00 an hour.

United States remained the most attractive place for immigrants to go.

Germany has a 12.5% unemployment rate and is one of the highest among the developed nation followed by Italy.

I do not believe the problems are solved and I highly recommend her to complete the last two years of teaching and show the school she is "tough" and "determined" to stay to complete her duty.

CHINA has much better relationship with Canada than United States and I hope the Canadian Embassy can offer help to you.

But I would insist her to finish the last two years before embarking on an journey to the "romised Land" !!  LOL !!!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-3-6 11:10:11 |Display all floors


lol, she sounds like a real spitfire.  Well, my wife was the same way when we first got married as well.  She wouldn't listen to reason at all when she's mad.  Whenever she's on the warpath, I resigned myself to cleaning up the mess after her.  ^^;  I'm glad that you encouraged her not to be so rash.  Once you two are married, your level-headed-ness (if that's a word) will be much needed.  LOL

My best wishes to you both.  I hope everything works out beautifully.

P.S:  is it even legal for them to do that?  I know that the chinese legal system isn't anything like ours, but what authority can a school possibly have to prevent a marriage of 2 consenting adults?

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2005-3-6 14:43:45 |Display all floors


"Canada, by all means, has the highest immigration rate per population among G-7 nations and create an abundance of immigrants results in doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers working in factories making $10.00 an hour."

ummm...where did you get your information?  The Encyclopedia of Hysterical Nonsense?

Why do you think Canada has such a high immigration rate?  Let me give you a few hints:

1) Cultural Diversity.  Canada ENCOURAGES its immigrants to retain and practice their cultural beliefs.  We do not try to play the "When in Rome do as the Romans do" game.

2) Friendliness.  Canadians are among the friendliest people in the world.  

3)  A stable economy.

4)  Jobs.  We encourage professionals from other countries to come and work in Canada.  If you have job skills that our country needs, such as doctors and nurses, for example, we welcome you.

5) A constitution that recognizes that ALL people are equal.  It is illegal to discriminate on the basis of race, creed, colour, sexual orientation, age, height, weight, pimples, etc.

6)  Human Rights and priviledges.  In China, if anyone suggests ways to improve...say, living conditions, they are politely(?) reminded to "not meddle in the internal affairs of the country", and "when in Rome...."  In Canada, we do not treat women like second-class citizens.  There has been many a time, when I have heard the man in the apartment above me practicing his punching skills on his wife.  I have seen her go down the stairs on more than one occasion suffering from a black eye, and cut lips.  In Canada, that sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable and is Illegal.  It's supposed to be in China, as well, but for some reason, here, laws are there to be ignored.

7) Living conditions.  Sure, Canada has its share of homeless people.  Every country does.  Some of them are there out of necessity, others are that way because they choose to be, but overall, we have some of the best living conditions in the world.

8) Universal Health Care.  Universal Health Care in China...and many other countries...consists of "pay me first, and if it's enough money, I'll have a look at you."  I saw a man in a hospital in the North die because neither he, nor his family had enough money for complete treatment.  he was given partial treatment...what the family could afford...and ended up dying as a result.  As a matter of fact, I suffered a shoulder injury my first month in this country.  After a year, it still hasn't healed properly.  When I went to the hospital, the very first thing they wanted to give me was an injection.  That was even before I had the X-ray!!

9) Freedom.  Freedom of expression.  Freedom of Religion.  Freedom to choose, etc.

10)  Free education from Kindergarten to grade 12.

Need I go on?

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2005-3-6 14:49:27 |Display all floors


Buddy, you should see some of the things that school does.  I was there for 6 months, and finally requested a transfer.  It got to the point where I was close to throwing a couple of people out of a fifth floor window.

Luckily for them, I was transferred out of there within 1 week of the request.  Every other foreign teacher that had been at that school within the previous year had turned into runners because of the BS.  I lasted 6 months, there.  Everybody else lasted a maximum of 3 months before they vanished into the night.

The agency I work for finally cancelled the school's contract at the end of December, 2004.

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