Author: xieyang

is it normal for a western male to accept money from his girlfriend? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2005-2-18 13:19:48 |Display all floors

talk to him

Hi xieyang,
I agree with the responses above.  Even the most "modern" man in the West would feel at little a little bit odd taking money from his girlfriend, esp. if he knows it's coming from her family (they have better things to spend money on than some guy.)  In some relationships now, women make more money or even the men stay at home!  But, in those situations, it takes a little while for the man to get used to this non-traditional role.  And, was they do it's because each person has recognized and understand the roles and is content with that.   In your situation, there is not a real understanding.

You've been with him for a while, so it would be a shame to throw it away, so ask yourself these (and I'm sure you have)....

Has he ever (earlier on) expressed discomfort at accepting the money?
If he did not ever before.  Dump him!!!   If he did and felt embarassed, it's been kind that you've helped him.  However, he may be "taking it for granted" now, that is, not appreciating it.

How long has he been out of a job?
If it's been months, he is now "freeloading" off you.  It's very kind and I think the right thing to do to help him through a troubled time, but it seems he may have become just a little bit TOO comfortable with his "uncomfortable" position.

You need to talk with him and say very honestly that you expect an equal relationship, but you understand sometimes not all things can be equal so you should each help to keep it balanced when it's not.  It's become unequal for a while now.  And, you will continue to provide him with support, for example, emotional, ideas, friendship, love, but you can't continue to provide him this kind of support financially.   What can he do to re-balance the relationship???    What's his plan to change the situation?  This imbalance cannot continue.

If he sounds a little bit hurt by this question, but understands it and why you ask it, and he is willing to give you something more, then maybe he is going through a tough time.

If he gets upset and blames you for asking the question, tell him you're very disappointed this is how your kindness is received and you will give somebody more deserving your kindness.

I hope it works out well for you.  It's not easy, I know.

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Post time 2005-2-18 20:48:46 |Display all floors


in my opinion,anyone could only receive money from parents,other choices will be inapropriate,money borrowed from other person including friends,roomates,classmates should be returned eventrually,anyone who holds other person'money is a jerk,u'd better check out what actually he is.

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Post time 2005-2-18 22:49:19 |Display all floors

Accepting money

Dear Xieyang,

This is certainly not normal conduct.  Whilst it is fair to say that couples would very often split costs, a situation in which the girl is entirely paying for the boy is highly unusual.  If he expresses no thanks for your actions, he sounds like a scrounger.  You should find a young man who appreciates you;  your current boyfriend is taking you for a ride/ deceiving you completely

Good luck


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Post time 2005-2-19 16:21:09 |Display all floors

well depends

when I was 17 i was going out with a girl who was already in full time employment and i was a student so in terms of money if she wanted to have any sort of fun we could not rely on my part time delivery pizza pocket money --> results after a while we broke up = lesson number 1
Then at 23 small jobs in a foreign country , my girlfriend paid for me a travel card to enable to go to work since then she became my wife and now I am paying it back , even our home is in her name ( own by her and i pay for the mortgage ) _ heheehehe she is the princess of the home all taken care of she just has to go to work / save her money and send to her parents ... Just managed to finish to pay dowry for her parents ...
So in conclusion forget all this macho stuffs man should do this and that , blah blah blah you have heard here .
Bottom line how do you feel about each others if you have got future together give without counting and you will be rewarded thousands of times and there is no hope forget about it . Love is like friendship , you would not ask this question if you felt your bf was the best of your friend , right ?

Best regards,

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Post time 2005-2-19 18:57:02 |Display all floors

drop him because i am a westerner and what he is doing to you is making you his

he is cheating you so put aside your confuscion idealism and buy yourself some a nice shirt. he is not worth it and i apologize for you having thought you might have have met someone nice - a gentleman will not accept what you have offered him. i hope you will begin to agree.

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Post time 2005-2-19 19:00:30 |Display all floors

but of course if you are ok with your man not being a good man and depending on

..for himself to get by than by all means you should be with him. But where I come from and it seems the guy above my post doesnt know of the place a real man is to provide for his lady. Please, you need someone better.

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Post time 2005-2-19 19:01:58 |Display all floors

thats all

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