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Collection of Jokes from White House Comedian [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2020-5-31 11:49:17 |Display all floors
Joke 1

1.  Trump tweeted on May 20, 2020:

"Now that our Country is “Transitioning back to Greatness”, I am considering rescheduling the G-7, on the same or similar date, in Washington, D.C., at the legendary Camp David. The other members are also beginning their COMEBACK. It would be a great sign to all - normalization!"

2.  "Now that our Country is “Transitioning back to Greatness.”  Mr Good Brain President, are you sure or not?


Source:  twitterdotcom

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Post time 2020-6-1 10:08:55 |Display all floors
Joke 2

1. While addressing the assembled factory workers at a personal protective equipment factory in Allentown, Pennsylvania on May 14, 2020, Trump made the following comments:

“The moment this terrible virus reached our shores, each of you has worked relentlessly to get the vital supplies to our healthcare warriors — and they are warriors, aren’t they, when you see them going into those hospitals and they’re putting the stuff that you deliver, they’re wrapping themselves, and the doors are opening, and they’re going through the doors, and they’re not even ready to go through those doors — they probably shouldn’t! — but they can’t get there fast enough, and they’re running into death like soldiers run into bullets! in a true sense, I see that with the doctors and the nurses and so many of the people that go into those hospitals, it’s incredible to see and it’s a beautiful thing to see!”

Source:  indy100dotcom

2. We all have to take off our hats to him for having the exceptional ability to see the beauty of doctors and nurses running into death just like soldiers running into bullets.
Donald Trump's infamous Hitler-style rabble-rousing chants:  "Lock her up!  Lock her up!"

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Post time 2020-6-1 11:53:57 |Display all floors
Joke 3

Trump cracked a "wet joke" with his “standpoint of the water” remark.  He may crack a "hot joke" next time by explaining that fire is hot.

1.  Donald Trump released a video on Tuesday (September 18, 2018) that thanked first responders for helping the victims of Hurricane Florence. But the president appeared to be winging his comments, which included a line that instantly took on a life of its own on social media.

“This is a tough hurricane, one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water,” he said. “Rarely have we had an experience like it and it certainly is not good.”

The comment about how wet the storm was “from the standpoint of water” caused jokes to rain down on Twitter:....

Source:  huffpostdotcom

2.  ....The American president just explained that water is wet. This ought to go down with his Oval Office address from the lead-up to the storm, in which he suggested Hurricane Florence would be "tremendously big and tremendously wet."

Again, we are reminded that the president has been assessed as speaking at a fourth-grade level. And again, we are forced to ask why he can't just accept a script from his staff and read it....

Source:  esquiredotcom

3.  ..."This is a tough hurricane," he said in front of the White House, "one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water."

There you have it. From the standpoint of literally any other liquid, you could say that the hurricane was totally dry, but thankfully Trump cleared that right up for us: We're talking about water here. And even then, calling Hurricane Florence "one of the wettest we've ever seen" isn't totally accurate. Several other storms have had higher total rainfall amounts than Florence, including Hurricane Harvey, which dumped 60 inches when it hit Texas last year, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. In any case, it's unclear why the person filming wasn't baffled by Trump's pseudo-scientific water comment enough to cut it out or get another take....

Source:  vicedotcom

4.  ...The president was mercilessly mocked for his “standpoint of the water” remark.

And Graham Taylor remarked: “Is this one of the worst Presidents of the United States the world has ever seen, or the worst? From the standpoint of Presidents.”...

Source:  standarddotcodotuk
Donald Trump's infamous Hitler-style rabble-rousing chants:  "Lock her up!  Lock her up!"

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Post time 2020-6-2 19:57:24 |Display all floors
Comedians have a great time making fun of him(Trump), but he makes it easy for them.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain

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Post time 2020-6-2 19:58:29 |Display all floors
Some more here.........inews.co.uk/light-relief/jokes/donald-trump-jokes-comedians-511993
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain

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Post time 2020-6-4 15:39:00 |Display all floors
Joke 4

1.  Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019

Trump has repeatedly claimed he’s “the least racist person.” His history suggests otherwise.

Source:  voxdotcom

2.  “Well, you know, when it comes to racism and racists, I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist, I’ve had great relationships. In fact, Randall Pinkett won, on the as you know, on ‘The Apprentice’ a little while ago, a couple of years ago. And Randall’s been outstanding in every way. So I mean, I am the least racist person,” Trump said while defending himself against allegations of racism in May 2011 by pointing out he chose a black winner on his NBC show.

Source:  ibtimesdotcom

N.B.  His denial of racism showed that he had his eye on the presidency as early as May 2011, otherwise he might reply in this way:  "So what?  What's wrong in being a racist in America?  I don't give a damn what others think of me!"

3.  Donald Trump has again mused about serving more than the legal limit of two terms as US president, during an extraordinary exchange with reporters outside the White House.

“What they’re doing, is they’re trying the racist deal. And that’s not going to work, because I am the least racist person ever to serve in office, OK?” Mr Trump said on Wednesday (21 August 2019) in reference to the New York Times, which has angered him over its renewed focus on racial division in America.

“I am the least racist person. But the New York Times, they’re trying everything they can. It is a totally dishonest newspaper. It’s the paper that really has lost tremendous credibility.”

“Let me tell you. In six years – or maybe 10 or maybe 14, right? – in six years, when I’m not here, the New York Times goes out of business very quickly.”

While the president has joked with increasing frequency about continuing as president beyond 2025 – when he would be required by the constitution to step down – his latest reference displayed no clear indication he was attempting be humorous....

“The good news is that at the end of 6 years, after America has been made GREAT again and I leave the beautiful White House (do you think the people would demand that I stay longer? KEEP AMERICA GREAT),” he said.

The following month, while railing against media companies he disapproves of, he wrote: "When I ultimately leave office in six years, or maybe 10 or 14 (just kidding), they will quickly go out of business for lack of credibility, or approval, from the public."...

Source:  independentdotcodotuk

4.   US President Donald Trump appears as the first result of suggested accounts when users type "racist" into Twitter's people search, it emerged Wednesday.

The result, reported by the British news outlet The Independent and verified by AFP, highlights the intense discord around the president.

Trump has more than 80 million followers, although there is much dispute about how many of them are genuine, active human Twitter users…

Source:  gadgetsdotndtvdotcom

5.  Twitter Analysis Shows How Trump Tweets Differently About Nonwhite Lawmakers

Source:  nprdotorg

6.  Trump’s Tweets Prove That He Is a Raging Racist

It is undeniably true that America’s president opposes diversity.

Source:  nytimesdotcom

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Post time 2020-6-6 15:25:03 |Display all floors
Joke 5

1.  Donald Trump tweeted on Jun 4, 2020:

Probably the only thing Barack Obama & I have in common is that we both had the honor of firing Jim Mattis, the world’s most overrated General. I asked for his letter of resignation, & felt great about it. His nickname was “Chaos”, which I didn’t like, & changed to “Mad Dog”...

..His primary strength was not military, but rather personal public relations. I gave him a new life, things to do, and battles to win, but he seldom “brought home the bacon”. I didn’t like his “leadership” style or much else about him, and many others agree. Glad he is gone!

Source:  twitterdotcom

2.  ...There are three lies in that first tweet alone. For starters, Trump did not fire Mattis, and neither did the president ask for Mattis’s resignation. Additionally, Mattis had the nickname “Mad Dog” before he ever entered the Trump administration. How egomaniacally inane, self-obsessed, and disconnected from reality does Trump have to be to take credit for a nickname that someone had years before Trump ever showed up?

Source:  bipartisanreportdotcom

3.  John Kelly, President Trump’s former chief of staff, is defending former Defense Secretary James Mattis after the president said that he had the "honor" of firing "world’s most overrated general."....

“The president did not fire him. He did not ask for his resignation,” Kelly, a retired Marine Corps general, told The Washington Post on Thursday....

Kelly said that the president must have “clearly forgotten how it actually happened or is confused.”  Kelly has also been critical of the president since leaving his post as chief of staff in 2018.

“The president tweeted a very positive tweet about Jim until he started to see on Fox News their interpretation of his [resignation] letter. Then he got nasty. Jim Mattis is an honorable man,” Kelly told the Post.

Source:  thehilldotcom

4.  ...As always, most Congressional Republicans have barely even acknowledged the spotlight on Trump’s failures. However, when questioned by reporters this week, Utah Republican Senator Mitt Romney, who frequently criticizes Trump, had nothing but praise for Mattis, implying that he at least understands where the former general is coming from when he characterizes Trump as a threat to the Constitution.

Romney told reporters:

‘General Mattis’s letter was stunning and powerful. Gen. Mattis is a man of extraordinary sacrifice. He’s an American patriot. He’s an individual whose judgment I respect, and I think the world of him. If I ever had to choose somebody to be in a foxhole with, it would be with a General Mattis. What a wonderful, wonderful man.’

Source:  bipartisanreportdotcom

5.  ...Meanwhile, Romney is not the only Republican Senator who has actually offered praise for Mattis and his letter. Alaska Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski, for instance, said that she was “struggling” with the question of whether or not to support Trump’s re-election bid, and she added, in reference to Mattis’s letter in particular:

‘I was really thankful. I thought General Mattis’s words were true and honest and necessary and overdue.’

Source:  bipartisanreportdotcom

6.  Pompeo, an evangelical Christian who keeps an open Bible on his desk, now says it’s possible that God raised up Trump as a modern Queen Esther, the Biblical figure who convinced the King of Persia to spare the Jewish people. He defines his own job as serving the President, whatever the President asks of him. “A Secretary of State has to know what the President wants,” he said, at a recent appearance in Washington. “To the extent you get out of synch with that leader, then you’re just out shooting the breeze.” No matter what Trump has said or done, Pompeo has stood by him. As a former senior White House official told me, “There will never be any daylight publicly between him and Trump.” The former official said that, in private, too, Pompeo is “among the most sycophantic and obsequious people around Trump.” Even more bluntly, a former American ambassador told me, “He’s like a heat-seeking missile for Trump’s aXX.”

Source:  newyorkerdotcom

7.  Regarding Trump's dissatisfaction with Mattis's job because he seldom “brought home the bacon”, I coin the term "pompacon" for a worker or staff who always "brings home the bacon” to the boss.

Source:  newyorkerdotcom

Donald Trump's infamous Hitler-style rabble-rousing chants:  "Lock her up!  Lock her up!"

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