Author: tonytienhe

DON'T BE ANGRY THE MORNING AFTER..!! [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2004-9-17 17:37:23 |Display all floors

what will be the following....?

only one word can be used to describe those girls - "SHALLOW"

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-9-17 18:26:57 |Display all floors

Some comments on sleeping with students

Even in Western nations like Canada and the U.S., there are generally strict guidelines about having a sexual relationship with your students.

This is hardly a uniquely "Chinese" thing; the syndrome of students falling in love with their teachers, or having sexual attraction for a teacher, is universal.

There are several reasons for this.  It may be that they see the teacher as an authority figure.  It may be that they feel gratitude for the way their teacher has helped them.  It may simply be that they expect the teacher to give them better grades in exchange for sex.

I was TRAINED as a teacher in Canada, and as such went through EXTENSIVE training on this subject.  The overall rule -- if a student wants to have sex with you, DON'T DO IT.  If there IS a "real relationship" between the two of you, wait until after the student graduates to pursue that relationship.

You have students come knocking on your door, seeking to have sex with you?  And you ask, "What would any normal man do?".

I'll tell you.  A SANE man would simply say "no".  Hell, in Canada, sleeping with a student could open you up for a sexual harassment suit.  Why does being in China mean that you should behave any differently?

And the "I'm a man, I can't control myself" argument just doesn't hold water.  You CAN control yourself; you just choose not to.

I also agree with Sleepye that people tend to hang out with people who are like them...if most of the Chinese women you are meeting act this way, then I'd say that it says something about your personality, or the people you hang out with.

Yes, I've had many opportunities to have sex with Chinese women -- women who've virtually thrown themselves at me, begging to have sex with me (and I'm not even an especially handsome man).  I had one time that a Chinese woman came to visit me at my home, asked to use my bathroom, then walked out stark naked and tried to drag me to the bedroom.

But I am able to control myself; my reputation in China is VERY important for my work, and the last thing I need is a Chinese woman getting pregnant, or accusing me of sexual harassment, or anything like that.  

Besides which...I happen to ENJOY "the chase"...the process of getting a girl to fall in love with me.  I'm just not turned on when it is TOO easy.

More than that -- I'd say that about 80% of my Chinese friends are female.  We are not lovers; we've never had sex together; and it is not my intention to have sex with them.

NONE of these women are women who would throw themselves at a man (foreigner or Chinese).  Some of them are still virgins, and determined to keep their virginity until they get married.  Others have had several boyfriends, and are not virgins.  But NONE of them are "sluts", or just sleep around with any guy that interests them.

I certainly CAN understand men who, when meeting an attractive woman in a bar, and that woman makes it obvious that she wants to have sex with them, will take that girl home with them.  Its not unusual behavior.

But in regard to students?  Sorry, but I'm not sure what to say about a "professor" who would sleep with his students, REGARDLESS of whether they are willing or not.  Such behavior would certainly get me in trouble in Canada; I don't see why living in China is a license to act any differently.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-9-17 18:27:52 |Display all floors

my opinion

I totally trust Professor's story. Actually not only foreigners who are working in China for a long period but also those who travel in China for a short time can get this kind of offer or calls at hotels or pubs.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2004-9-17 19:02:37 |Display all floors

What comes around goes around

need i say more?

even those who enjoy sex with this kind of girl student who would sell herself for better grades or better language skill won't take this kind of relationship seriously. in other words, they would think she is too cheap.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2004-9-17 19:25:37 |Display all floors

from another foreign teacher in China

marklenahan
+ Send message
+ Posts: 16
+ Joined:
   2004-08-07
  I agree
.....

Yeah, you are sooo right about the "campus sexual life". I have seen that myself, and I have experienced very sad stories. I still remember one of my student who asked me to be her boyfriend. She said she liked me not because I was a foreigner but because of my own "merits". When I turned her down (she was only 20, but above all, she did not know me enough to "like me") she became another foreign teacher's girlfriend in...2 weeks!

......

http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/forumpost.shtml?toppid=147038

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-9-17 19:48:17 |Display all floors

to coolmax

well, well, well

It seems that every foregin teacher experiences the same thing.

There used to be a very young American on my campus who was 22 yrs old and just graduated from university in US.
In 1 month, he got a girlfriend, and soon, u know , all the campus was full of words of them, all kinds of comments.
He was confused-- poor guy--- he thought that he was doing things that any boy would do , just fell in love with a girl and then became bf & gf. and how come others did not think in that way.
some ppl say they r together bcoz the girl was so beautiful--- yes, she is.
some ppl say it was bcoz he is a foreginer--- i guess most ppl would think in this way.

So, as a result, they were under such a great pressure, and sadly is later the girl told the guy that she wanted to end up this relationship. and she confessed that she decided to be with him coz he IS a foreginer!!!  
And that words certainly hurt the poor American's heart.

Another foregin teacher used to be on campus who is quite old, over 50. when i became a junior, he went to Hainan. We were very fimilar with eachother and talked quite freely-------actually still now, we r very good friends.
but never did I know that he used have girlfriends on campus and some of them r young English teachers whild some of them were students.
How did I know it??
After he leaving, a new teacher came, and we became fimilar, and he asked me" u know so-so quite well huh?" i replied yes, and he said " Are you one of his girlfriends?" U can imagine how shocked i was!! and He realized it and say" I am kidding. I know u r very good friends. Jenny(another foregin teacher) told me.  bla bla bla"

So....

Well , i has to confess that it is SO easy for foreginers to get girlfriends in China, esp. on campus------ he got serval girfriends as soon as he went to Hainan, and even sometimes he complains his new gfs in front of me.

But i totally agree on canadianguy's view. U can control it.

Such kind of thing , somehow, need so-called " inter-actions" . such things can not be done, or be decided by one person.
Still we have to confess that some foreginers find such " benefit" and learned so fast to make full use of it!!! that's really shame!!

as one guy said " only ppl with similar charateristics may gether together"

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Rank: 4

Post time 2004-9-17 21:31:39 |Display all floors

It is illegal for such kinds behavior for that teaches has sex with students.

If the students have lawsuit with you, then you get problem for yours behavior.
There are some case in school, maybe these girl is 10 to 12 years old, that the male teacher have sex with those poor girl. Many parents don't know their little kids get injure from the male teacher.
As you are a teacher, you not only teach the students how to learn the knowledge or language, and also you need show you are education people. Education people should have power to control your behavior.
Just like what Canadiaguy said, teacher can’t have sex with students until they graduate from school.

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