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Are Foreign Men Good Enough for Chinese Women?   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2014-8-29 09:25:00 |Display all floors
This article, translated from sina.com, focuses on the personal experiences of three women who are in relationships with European men so that we can get a real inside look on what it is like.
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Wang Bang, reporter. English husband, poet: “Our main principle is to respect each other”
Because most of my friends hadn’t associated with Western men before, they thought that Western men were very open, for example that they carried guns, or that they are all players or something. When in fact, people like that are not mainstream.

But when you get into a relationship, everyone is equal, and there is freedom. Once you have that one-on-one commitment, everyone is loyal to each other, there is no polygamy, there are no mistresses or home wreckers.

How to deal with English society that is much more open about sex? The way we handle it is by negotiating and compromise. We can go to the sex shop alone, we can watch porn and read erotic novels, but we cannot have sex outside of marriage. If you are invited to an adult party, both sides have to agree on attendance. Regardless of if I do or do not agree, my husband is actually more conservative (laughs), so there is no disagreement. I believe that our marriage is full of care, love and respect for eachother!

Life’s trivialness is hard to avoid, but we always aim for a romantic life. Whenever I get angry, I will punish my husband by making him write a love letter (laughs). Even if we end up having one thousand conflicts, we will talk through them all.

Chinese boyfriends, of course, have advantages that Western men just don’t have. For example, they are senstive and considerate, they carry their girlfriend’s bag, and will always pay the bill. But foreign men also have their advantages, for example they will encourage independent thinking, they dare to talk about love, and are very good communicators.

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Post time 2014-8-29 09:25:39 |Display all floors
Abby, Master’s Degree. Dutch boyfriend, Masters Student: “Although the hiccups aren’t few, there are still plenty of great things to laugh about”

We met because I was studying in the Netherlands and rented a house from his friend. We gradually started chatting, watching films, and eventually kissed: it just felt natural to be together. After starting our careers, we really started cohabitating. Our relationship is quite normal, no drama and no fuss, what happens is without any effort.

Cohabitating and marriage are different in China and in the Netherlands. We got registered together, which has the same legal effect in the Netherlands. Regardless, neither sides have agreed to marriage yet, but this is just to help me get a residence permit in the Netherlands. For my relatives in China, I can tell them that I got married so that they will stop bothering me and pushing me into marriage, and I can take things slowly and live my life the Dutch way.

Foreign men are cuter than Chinese men, regardless of how long you have been together as a couple, they show respect, and display gratitude. Especially when two people are together, cuddling and kissing, it is very lovely.

Of course there are a lot of downsides. Firstly, Dutch women are very fierce, so Dutch men have not had to develop the same caring personalities that Chinese men have. Then, there is no concept of health, meat that has been barbequed until it is black can still be eaten, and they think that our health knowledge is trash! Also, he has that sense that Western culture is superior, and often has a stereotyped impression when he discusses China, and doesn’t know how to update this knowledge. But regardless, I don’t know whether that is a cultural difference, or whether he is a Virgo, haha.

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Post time 2014-8-29 09:26:14 |Display all floors
Miaomiao, PhD, Portuguese boyfriend, guitarist: they enjoy listening to rock music together, and travelling.
We met 6 years ago at the University library, and it really was a case of love at first sight… and we don’t really feel any cultural differences, because we have so many things in common. We like the same kind of music, and often go to rock concerts together, or to museums We live in different cities, and meet every weekend. Even if there is friction, it does not last long, because our time together is too precious, and quarreling is a waste.

We don’t plan to get married. My parents aren’t really able to accept this, as they are still heavily tied to Chinese culture. Normally the end goal is marriage, but there is also a generational responsibility. Europe, on the contrary, is pretty open. I believe that there is respect for human nature, trying to keep one’s stress levels low, and an earlier start to one’s sex life. But on both sides honesty and communication are most important.

And the difference between Chinese and foreign men? Chinese boys have more patience and attention to detail, Jiangnan boys’ in particular, their housework and cooking involvement is immense. Foreign boys are comparatively more lazy. But foreign boys also respect women’s independence, give them time to themselves. Women can have their own friend circles. And the pressure from the family is not that big, there is nobody forcing anyone to get married, nor as much pressure to start your own family.

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Post time 2014-8-30 08:02:16 |Display all floors
Of course, it depends on the specific people. Not all men are worthy of their woman, and vice versa. It has not much to do with race, I think.

Some of the stereotypes are right though.

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Post time 2014-8-30 18:17:27 |Display all floors
Some of them are, of course. But I have also come to see the good of many Chinese guys as well.

When I was younger, I used to get infatuated only with white guys, but nowadays I think many Asian guys are all right as well. It's better to put aside all stereotypes and preconceptions and just look at each person for the person that they are.

What is your opinion?
Human nature is good and can be trusted.

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Post time 2014-9-1 10:40:24 |Display all floors
Smaug Post time: 2014-8-30 08:02
Of course, it depends on the specific people. Not all men are worthy of their woman, and vice versa. ...

got a point ~

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Post time 2014-9-2 10:22:04 |Display all floors
Usually cultural background does play part in defining a relationship..................Chinese girls are not very communicative, they don't express and hope that their silence will be understood.
well, sometimes it is really difficult and thus creating confusion.

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