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The first try as a newcomer

Popularity 1Viewed 1003 times 2014-11-2 14:43 |Personal category:Free Writing|System category:Life

  I registered this blog account last week by viewing the blog competition of CD. It occurred to me that it's an excellent opportunity to practice my English writing skills since I am fond of this art of stating what's on my mind in a tranquil way. Several years ago when I was a high school student, I was out-going, enthusiastic and passionate for everything. So my teacher appointed me to four or five positions in our class, I succeeded in managing all those class affairs, trivial or not, while performing well in my studies. It seemed to everyone who knew me at that time that I had no sense of tiredness and always got great joy from my work and study. However, almost 8 years have passed, that little energetic, fearless girl has only remained in the fading memory. Now, I prefer to speak out in written forms wherever in diary or blogs. And I can feel for myself that the years passed by has ground off the edges and corners of my own character, on which I find both advantages and disadvantages. 
  I take all those changes in a natural way although sometimes I really want part of the younger one back. For the most important one is to regain my confidence and the open mind for I always feel bad when the sense of self-inferiority prevails when I am about to take a challenge.  For instance, the first week when I went to WWF Xi'an Office for work, I was really upset by myself that I could not find a way to communicate with the staffs since I was really meant to start one. Even a week later, the situation didn't change and I became increasingly embarrassed that I want to quit. It may seemed to others in the Office that I was such an arrogant little girl who always refused to ask questions on the things that I was not familiar with. So I began to find fault with myself and kept asking myself that how can I overcome those psychological barriers to make some practical breakthrough. My friends see me as a kind of person who is so shy to talk with strangers and it will be a long time for anybody to open my heart, but when he/she becomes my friend, I can talk in a never-ending stream. 
 The pressure I give to myself, the sense of dark self-inferiority, and the noisy world around me really upset me a lot and made me cry during the late night when nobody was out there. And the most preferred way for me to ease those anxieties is to read and write. Sometimes, I really wanted to scream out loudly wherever I was, but I know it will not to be the final solution. By talking to myself and communicating with others in such a silent way, I gain a sense of peace, security and courage. 

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)




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