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How can I stop crying in the deep night, my grandma?

Popularity 3Viewed 3900 times 2015-4-3 23:29 |System category:Life

The TombSweeping Day is coming. Some friends went home, so the office was so quiet. I cannot concentrate and couldnhelp crying. 

You went away in all of a sudden on 6th March and it s almost forone month and you didnt wait to see me before going away forever. Are you still angry with me? No, no, please dont ,my dear grandma, or I will never forgive myself. My aunt told me that you called my name and burst hears before stopped breathing. Im so sorry to coming back home late.......During the spring festival you were so strong and also asked me to take photos for you. Until today I have no courage to open my camera. Thats the last time I took pictures for you, but I didnt realize that. During the holiday,one day, when seeing me taking pictures you asked me: Can you take a photo for me, my baby ? wait a moment, let me clean up the hair first. quickly, quickly, the camera is power off.I answered with no patience. Then I didnt take photos for you......... The next time when I was taking pictures with parents, I remembered that I should take some pictures for you. But I found you were lying on the bed, I didnt want to wait and took some pictures without waiting for you to get up. I didnt realize that it was the last time I took photos for you lying on the bed.......It is no use to regret. It is no use to regret.......... What can I do to make up for my fault. I will never forgive myself. Im so sorry my dear grandma.

I planed to put the last pictures here, but I still have no courage to take out the camera. Its all my fault, I am so sorry my grandma.

I was also so easy to lose temper to you. You always repeated something for the whole day, whole month, or even longer. Most people cannot control themselves very well when getting older, you are 85 years old. Im sorry my grandma. I know it is useless. Im sorry my grandma. Im so sorry. Im so sorry my grandma. Its no use to say sorry. Its no use to cry. Its my fault, its all my fault. The tombsweeping day is coming, I cannot go there to see you my grandma, I hope you can sleep well there. I miss you, come into my dreams please. I wanted to see you. I wanted to say sorry to you my dear grandma.

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2015-4-4 10:49
There are times in life that we do things we regret. Your grandma wanted you to take a nice photo with her hair ready but you were too busy to do it. You did not know it was one of your last chances. She has passed and will not hold that against you. 85 is a good age and please focus on the happy memories. It is good that you cry a bit as it releases emotion and shows your deep love too.

One Qing Ming you will get to go to her grave and place beautiful flowers to show your love. Meanwhile, she would not want to hear you crying. So do stop and look forward to a bright tomorrow - it is the first day of the rest of your life! Happy Tomb Sweeping holidays.
Reply Report 天晴乐 2015-4-4 18:13
ColinSpeakman: There are times in life that we do things we regret. Your grandma wanted you to take a nice photo with her hair ready but you were too busy to do it.  ...
Thank you so much my friend. It’s ok when I was busy . Once I stopped, especially when lying on bed, or when I saw an old woman or anything related with grandma, that will crush into my mind. I was raised by grandparents, but now both of them passed away. I can’t speak out and cry loudly at school. And also I can’t share that feeling with my parents. The only way is to write down. I’m sorry to share my sorrows here with you and other readers. Again thank you Colin. I will try to be positive and wish you a nice holiday.
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2015-4-4 18:56
天晴乐: Thank you so much my friend. It’s ok when I was busy . Once I stopped, especially when lying on bed, or when I saw an old woman or anything related w ...
It is understandable that that would remind you!
Reply Report Igo 2015-4-5 12:41
(sigh) I thought you were already okay. But the Tomb Sweeping Day did strike your heart chord again. Good to know that you are a girl with strong filial piety. Any granny must be very happy for having a girl like you as grand-daughter.
Reply Report 财神 2015-4-5 13:57
I am  sorry my grandma. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry my grandma. 
Reply Report 天晴乐 2015-4-5 21:10
Igo: (sigh) I thought you were already okay. But the Tomb Sweeping Day did strike your heart chord again. Good to know that you are a girl with strong fili ...
Thank you so much Igo for helping me these days.
Reply Report 天晴乐 2015-4-5 21:11
财神: I am  sorry my grandma. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry my grandma. 
I'm sorry Lamu to share my sorrows here.
Reply Report Igo 2015-4-5 23:18
天晴乐: Thank you so much Igo for helping me these days.
Come off it. Just hope all are right with you and you walk your way better.

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    Irene-Qing: Thank you Bill for your encouragement . I forgot the password of 天晴乐, so I registered with the account name of Irene-Qing and visit this one  ...
    Noted. Good luck to your future endeavor. If it not too intrusive, I am wondering which school you are going to attend with the support of that government sponsored grant.

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    Dr.Bill.Shen: congrats !! china's future prosperity is on people like you.
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