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I will be different someday in the near future

Popularity 19Viewed 14501 times 2013-7-12 10:30 |System category:Life| different, someday, future

Last night i chatted with a foreigner friend while i was watching a Chinese newly released movie"Tiny Time". I hoped that the movie could touch and encourage me with its "positive energy", but i was't moved by the movied at all. On the contrary, Chatting with the foreigner friend made me think a lot about myself.
 
I am now experiencing a period of changing and adjusting myself. Once when i was a  little girl, i didn't think too much about myself, because i spent all my time studying and doing housework. I always ranked first in my study at that time. During my primary and middle school time, i didn't know myself too much, and i didn't pay attention to appearance and dress at all. I just dressed neatly and cleanly, but didn't dressed as beautifully as my other classmates and schooldmates. However, i was lucky that i didn't feel inferior during that period, but when i grow up gradually, i found that people always like those ones who is from rich family and has a beautiful face. So i gradually lost my small confident, and started to hide myself, and meanwhile push myself very hard on study. I tried to be invisible, and lived very lonely. The harder i pushed myself the worst i turn into. And at last i lost my confident completely and felt that i am the worst. I always cried when i felt lonely, I had no friends to tell how bad i felt, and committing suicide is the only thing i wanted to do.  The only reason that kept me alive till now is my strong desire to make my pearents live a better life, and i think i have to do someting in return for them.
 
When i graduated from university in July 2011, and undertook my first job in Shanghai, i started to change and save myself. I went to  totally new places which are far away from my hometown, and met new people there with a totally different attitude. I made a lot friends there, and did very well in my job before i quit in July 2012. However, during that period, i still felt infrior,and pessimistic, i didn't get along well with myself.
 
After a lot thinking and struggle, i started to find confidence through looking for my advantages, and tried to appreciate myself . I travelled to many places and took a lot of pictures, and i found that when i was looking a picture of me with big and warm smile, i felt very well and thought that i could be beautiful and lovely. Meanwhile, i also took part in many social activeties and had some excercise to make me happy and healthy mentally and physically. And through communicating with friends from dirrerent countries, i learned different ideas, and through helping and showing care and love to friends, i felt warm in my deep heart, and i started to love myself. Then i think it will not be so difficult to find my confident back.
 
Once i always pushed myself too hard with study and work, and i was sick. Now i gave myself a 2-year leave to heal myself. And it works, i am at least very positive now. I really appreciate my friends who always be there for me, and trust me, love me. I will do the same for them, and try to be the one who will always care about them,love them and trust them most.
 
All in all, i was honest and innocent, and i felt inferior and sad in the past, but now i am positive, and try to be as confident and beautiful as i can, and of course will be honest to everyone forever.
 

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report querist 2013-7-12 20:53
You are a beautiful person, and when you smile that beauty is easier for everyone else to see. You have always been a sweet young lady as long as I have known you. Be the best YOU that you can be. Don't try to change yourself because you think that is what other people want.

When you and I chatted last night during the movie, you were relaxed, sweet, and kind like you always are. That is the real you. Just be yourself. If anyone is so shallow that they overlook you just because you don't look like Fan Bingbing or Zhang Ziyi then they do not deserve to know the wonderful and charming lady that you are.

Be yourself. You are a wonderful lady just the way you are.
Reply Report querist 2013-7-12 20:55
This is a very nicely written piece on accepting yourself as you are. Please read it and click on the "like" button. This is a touching piece written by a charming young lady.

(Full disclosure: I am the "foreigner friend" mentioned in the first sentence.)
Reply Report zsj8904@126.com 2013-7-12 21:34
querist: You are a beautiful person, and when you smile that beauty is easier for everyone else to see. You have always been a sweet young lady as long as I ha ...
Thank you very much, Querist. Abosolutely you are right, i was very relaxed, and was just myself when i chatted with you at that time. I said i was moved and inspired by you, i really mean it, i was serious. I really appreciate that. Now i am just try to live happily and be nice to others. I also try to help me heal myself. Glad that you are also here for me during this significant period. And you are also a nice person, i can feel that, Good luck to you, nice person!
Reply Report voice_cd 2013-7-13 15:11
Dear ZSJ8904,
Thank you for sharing your story with us here and glad to know you leave the bad time far behind and live happily now. we hope you could share more with us and affect other positively as querist did to you. Good luck and thanks you two.
Reply Report tradervic 2013-7-13 20:50
Question remains, what have you learned to better yourself so that you will not feel so low again once you are back to work?  Hope you have answered that for yourself.
Reply Report amber.fan 2013-7-13 20:52
Hi Zsj,im a high school student in Fujian.Sometimes i have the same feeling as you had. dont have beautiful face,family  isnt rich.when a period,many people leave me.I wanted to find the reason out,but i still dont know why.at that time,l lost my confidence.But as lucky as you ,i have the friends always love me,trust me, be here all the time.So i find my confidence back now.But even though this,i still feel lonely,and brust out crying when i feel lonely.Maybe the reason is that my life ifull up with studying and homework.when i stop that,i feel my life is .....nothing inside.And i dont know what to do sometimes andhave to play computer games and cell phone games.This kind of life is not i expected.But i think you can understand me .I need a friend to tell him what im thinking .but my friends their heart is heavy too.
Reply Report amber.fan 2013-7-13 20:56
its the last year of my high school.I hope i can be more confident as you I can be a different me oneday.Im happy you are merry and happy now.Actually,im proud of u.
Reply Report zsj8904@126.com 2013-7-13 21:20
tradervic: Question remains, what have you learned to better yourself so that you will not feel so low again once you are back to work?  Hope you have answered t ...
Thank you for reminding, and actually the 2-year leave does not mean i don't work during these two years, i have a job now. By "leave" i mean that i will not push myself too hard during these two years, and try to be myself, and do something to make me feel happy and healthy. I had a lot excersice which make me brave and strong. When this 2-year leave ends, i will continue to progress my career, and with a strong heart and healthy mind, i will be able to handle that. At last, my heartfelt appreciation for you!
Reply Report zsj8904@126.com 2013-7-13 21:36
amber.fan: Hi Zsj,im a high school student in Fujian.Sometimes i have the same feeling as you had. dont have beautiful face,family  isnt rich.when a period,many  ...
I can understand your feeling. I can tell you that when i was in high school, i just buried myself in all kinds of text books, and i did nothing else other  than study. And i lost interest to anything else. I thought i was right, but when i went to university, i found that i was wrong. There are many things to do other than study. You are very young now, and you should be energetic. Do something that you really want to do, and do it in your way. You still have opportunity, just be relaxed, do not pay too much attention to how others think about you. Try to laugh happily, and try to feel love and beautiful things. I wish you will adujust your mood and be happy soon. It is really nice to have your comment. Thank you! And you can speak to me when you want somebody to listen to you and be there for you! Good luck to you!
Reply Report tradervic 2013-7-14 08:12
zsj8904@126.com: Thank you for reminding, and actually the 2-year leave does not mean i don't work during these two years, i have a job now. By "leave" i mea ...
Hm... a detail that was 'lost in translation'?  Regardless, good to see that you were 'earning a living', but by means that you did not originally envision.  It shows you are able to adapt, and as Bruce Lee would say, "flow like water".  Kudos to you.  Hopefully, I will be able to read your full reply at a later time, pending 'mod approval' of course.  
Reply Report 520157 2013-7-14 09:06
Our heart is too fragile, it needs to be cared. Probably "white-lied"(I coined this word from "white lie") explains better!
Reply Report siasbruce 2013-7-14 09:45
thank you for sharing your story with us, god bless the person who stand up and enjoy oneself. just be yourself and smile the tough situation you had faced, being lively and sunshine. appreciate yours again. Be yourself. You are a wonderful lady just the way you are,as querist said.
Reply Report zsj8904@126.com 2013-7-14 10:49
querist: This is a very nicely written piece on accepting yourself as you are. Please read it and click on the "like" button. This is a touching piec ...
QUERIST, Thank you very much for calling for others to pay attention to my writing.Thanks to you,my blog was read by and commented by so many people. Million thanks for you! Good luck!
Reply Report zsj8904@126.com 2013-7-14 10:56
voice_cd: Dear ZSJ8904,
Thank you for sharing your story with us here and glad to know you leave the bad time far behind and live happily now. we hope you could ...
Thank you! I think that China daily forum is really a good place to express oneself truly and freely, and also a good platform to make excellent friends and learn from each other. A little bit pity for me is that it is too late for me to find this forum . I will try as hard as i can to manage my space well, and share more positive stories. Thank you and good luck to all of the chinadaily staff!
Reply Report amber.fan 2013-7-14 11:43
zsj8904@126.com: I can understand your feeling. I can tell you that when i was in high school, i just buried myself in all kinds of text books, and i did nothing else  ...
Thanks.im glad that you re willin to be my listener.And yes,study isnot only important thing in high school.I  Am and will laugh happily foever.Thanks your advises and encouragement.
Reply Report 1840542824 2013-7-15 23:25
Impressive article. You are very beautiful
Reply Report echolxyz 2013-7-15 23:45
This is a good place. I like you and these kind people.
Reply Report Mamdo 2013-7-16 04:56
you have a big smile
Reply Report BIT-paul 2013-7-16 11:08
I am very happy that you back to positive from the blue mood, even you resorted to suicide to end the pain.I used to be someone with very bad mood or very negative, and always wanna die in that hopeless world. what supports me is that I still have my mom to take care of (my dad passed away half year before,it is really a great suffering).At that time ,I don't want speak more in front of crowds, or even chatting on line, with no internet access in my room and no girl friend either.Everything is  meaningless and undeserving.I refuse the help from my university friends and bury myself in my own space...I finally found that there is no hope if I was still falling down, I need to be like someone deserved the claps and praises,I wish i could survive to be someone like you ..
Reply Report zsj8904@126.com 2013-7-16 11:37
Mamdo: you have a big smile
Hope you will aslo have smiles on your face all the time.......to be happy

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    zsj8904@126.com: Dear hanhan, thanks a lot for your nice words, i found myself being busy earning a life in the past 2 years, sometimes i felt that i i ccould not catc ...
    Thanks for you wishes, dear.I thought a lot after reading your words, life is indeed not easy, so cherish what you possess now and be content and happy. Wish you lead a simple but enjoyable life too.

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