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making friends - Forgiving - Change

Popularity 15Viewed 28353 times 2014-11-24 16:42 |Personal category:Ron's Journey in China 2013|System category:Life| friends, making

I just finished reading a book about Todd Preston struggle with embracing change in his life and forgiving.

One of the key points I got from the book was that in order to grow as a person we must learn to embrace change and forgive the people in our life that have tormented us. I found it interesting that he stated that we must first forgive ourselves before we can truly stop blaming others  and imparting honest forgiving. I also found it interesting that he pointed out that it is this self victimizing game of blaming others that really inhibits growth and development of true friendships.   The point being that if we blame other we are abusing ourselves by becoming victims.  The lesson to learn is that when we blame others we sacrifice control in our lives.  When we forgive and see events we learn to take control of our lives and our own happiness.

I find that when we read of other peoples journey in personal growth it helps us assess where we are and ideas on next steps to take to get to where we want to be.

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report AndrewCraven 2016-3-24 22:48
Lots of ideas are on the paper much more times than on activities. It is easy to talk , but hard to take action. Do you agree? Because we are humans, and humans have emotions.  
Reply Report RonJaDa 2016-3-25 23:29
AndrewCraven: Lots of ideas are on the paper much more times than on activities. It is easy to talk , but hard to take action. Do you agree? Because we are humans,  ...
Yes I agree.

Emotions that are not recognized form some of the biggest obstacles to communication and problem resolution.

Effective communication requires us to "treat or recognize the emotion" as long as we are careful not to accept or assign blame prematurely.  I was taught on customer contact and relating styles courses that when conflict exists there usually are emotions at play.  Unless we deal with the emotions the person we are trying to respond to likely will not hear most of what we are saying.

We were taught when taking customer calls (or any for that mater) access the emotional state of the person.  Then with out accepting or assigning blame provide some understanding of the emotions at play.

Example:
Customer: Your company has cost me the loss of $200 and a week on the schedule, I am so angry that your problem is causing me to miss my deadline.

An appropriate reply sequence
Customer Service: I understand that you are upset, in your situation I would be to it seems this incident is causing you a lot of stress.

Customer : Yes, If i can't get this fixed it is going to cause me to miss schedule.

Customer Service: Lets see if I can help you resolve this issue and get your project back on schedule. To do this, I need to document the issue and see if we can find an acceptable solution.  When we investigate the issue we can determine cause and actions that can prevent similar issues in the future.

When we deal with the emotions of the person in conflict, it clears their mind and allows them to discuss the issue intelligently. (At least we hope.)   This approach can work in business, school and personal relationships.
Reply Report AndrewCraven 2016-3-26 12:32
RonJaDa: Yes I agree.

Emotions that are not recognized form some of the biggest obstacles to communication and problem resolution.

Effective communication r ...
Thanks, It is a helpful lesson. With it, I think I can better tackle other issues next time.

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RonJaDa

Semi Retired Canadian - enjoying a sabatical from work, traveling, learning Chinese Language and cooking.

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