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[Cross-culture marriage] What should my friend do when a foreigner fell in love with her?   [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2013-12-13 16:47:26 |Display all floors
My friend was having lunch at a restaurant on a Wednesday. A foreigner suddenly approched and tried to talk to her. My friend just smiled back because she doesn't understand English. The foreigner took out his cellphone and used a google translation app to show what he just said. My friend replied him via the app out of courtesy. A moment later, he had to leave for Zhejiang province on business and would like to invite her for dinner when he got back to SH in two days. During the two days, the foreigner kept sending messages to her.

On the following Friday, my friend asked me to go with her for dinner because she was a little shy and scared and she doesn't understand English. The middle-aged foreigner was very polite and nice. Through the conversation, we knew that he is a director of a sportswear company. He got divorce with her wife and their daughter is with the mother.

He said my friend is beatiful and smart and he loves her. He is very open-minded, holding my friend's hands, hugging her, even kissing her. My friend didn't deny him somehow. He asked my friend whether she likes him who is older than her but considerate and wealthy, whether she wants to go to American with him. My friend told him she doesn't want to leave her family, which makes him very sad.

After dinner, he asked her to stay which was refused by her. He seemed to accept that and asked whether she could go out with her in future, whether she has time to go to Xiamen with him next week, etc...

Yes, my friend is very beautiful and smart. But she doesn't know what to do next...Do you have any suggestions?

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2013-12-13 17:06:04 |Display all floors
Ask your friend what exactly she wants? long-term relationship, even marriage, or short-term experience of exotic love, or the money

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Rank: 4

Post time 2013-12-13 17:22:05 |Display all floors
" He said my friend is beatiful and smart and he loves her. He is very open-minded, holding my friend's hands, hugging her, even kissing her. My friend didn't deny him somehow................."

This man just has lust gripped his heart and mind.....

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Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2013-12-13 18:01:28 |Display all floors
PPsally Post time: 2013-12-13 17:06
Ask your friend what exactly she wants? long-term relationship, even marriage, or short-term experie ...

Totally agree.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-12-13 21:13:12 |Display all floors


Yes, my friend is very beautiful and smart. But she doesn't know what to do next...Do you have any suggestions?



She was having lunch and accepted to chat with an stranger.
She gave her phone number to an stranger.
She accepted to have diner with an stranger
She accepted to be hugged, kissed from a stranger
She wants to go to America with the stranger.
All these without the knowledge of English language

Are you sure your friend is smart?
I think she is smart and she knows very well what to do and what she wants.

Following this story, the guy is another loser.

For me, this is another made up thread. Once in a while appears in this section this kind of threads where the foreigner always acts as the predator and the Chinese girl acts like the innocent who doesn´t know what to do.

If this story is truth, for me both are losers but seems it´s another topic to discuss ¨freely¨, that´s it.


Denial, according the psychoanalysts, is one of the most primary mechanisms of defense. It consists in the attitude of denying or minimizing obvious facts of reality with which the individual can´t  cope or whose irresponsibility is unable to meet.

And I agree.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2013-12-13 22:17:09 |Display all floors
It sounds to me like he is looking for a young and pretty wife to bring back to the USA. It is likely she would improve her living situation, but at the loss of family, friends, and personal freedom. Does she love him?

It is also possible he has a girl like your friend in every city in China that he goes to. Successful businessmen are not to be trusted, in my opinion. Most of the time, they became successful by using and abusing others, stealing their credit, etc. There is not a single honest one in my company. They say and do what is needed to make more money, even if it means hurting others below their status level.

The fact that he asked your friend if she's interested in an older, wealthy guy means this guy knows how things work in China. I don't think he loves her. I think he just wants a pretty wife to take home.

She should also know that she cannot move to the US without knowing English pretty well. They will reject her at the visa interview, so there is also that.

I think she should tell him "No, thanks."  and get on with her life in China. He does seem like a predator. Why? For an older, wealthy Chinese man to look for a young Chinese woman is normal. For an older American man to do this? He wants a pretty young woman to cook, clean, and have sex with him who will not give him any back-talk. Then, she gets to change his diapers when he's old, and maybe never see her family again. Does that sound like a happy existence?

It's possible he is genuine, but it smells fishy to me.

She should stay and look for an honest guy instead, her own age. If she is pretty and smart, that will not be a problem. ;)

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Rank: 4

Post time 2013-12-14 12:30:36 |Display all floors
I also have met this kind of matter several weeks ago. Both we were introduced by one of his friend. and the friend of his is also one of my classmate. At first, the purpose both of us is just wanna study language together, he is from New Zealand. But gradually, he asked me to be his girl friend, he talked more about his current situation. he is a businessman as well, and his mainly work is to import products such as Television from China and then transporting those into his own country. Further more, he has 3 blocks house in Beijing. he even promised that he would never back to New zealand and he would stay in China. Yeah, he is a rich young man. But I have rejected his request. Firstly, I understand that there are so many unsure conditions between him and me. furthermore, I am 24 now, I am an adult not a immature young girl and I  should not just treat this kind of relationship with a causaul attitude.

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