Views: 9263|Replies: 18

[Cross-culture marriage] Will my presence shame her parents and family? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 2

Post time 2013-7-19 13:40:15 |Display all floors
am Caucasian and my fiancé is Chinese. We reside in the United States. We have returned to China a few times to visit her family in Beijing. Her parents are very kind and welcoming, but my Chinese is poor so communication is difficult. I continue to study Chinese very hard.

While visiting China I feel most comfortable and welcome everywhere but there are occasions when I sense disapproving looks and treatment from people while shopping or dining. I do not know if it is because I am western or that we are a mixed-race couple. I have heard open comments such as “da bizi” and, I think “gwailos.”

We are strongly considering moving to Beijing after the wedding. My fear is if my presence may realistically be shaming her parents and family. When discussing this with my fiancé she smiles and quietly assures me not to worry about such things and to ignore the stares/comments on the street. .

I have decided to take her advice, however, I would like to first respectfully ask the membership if my concerns for fiancé’s parents/family are realistic, and if so, if there is anything I can do to lessen their burden? I have little trouble when I am the target of comments but deeply troubled to be a burden to her parents/family and her. I realize I cannot control the heart of others, but is there anything I can do, culturally, that might make it easier on my fiancé and most importantly her parents/family, or to make myself more acceptable?

Thank you!

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-7-19 14:12:49 |Display all floors
And what do think you will do in China???
Do yourself and her a favor and stay in the States.
I'm just here for the money

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2013-7-19 18:01:44 |Display all floors
My experience has been the exact opposite. My wife's parents live in a small village in the north. On our first visit we were made most welcome by family, friends and members of the community. We were invited to "banquets" most days and even by the village leader (as guest of honour) who told me I was the only loawai ever to visit the village in his lifetime. Obviously a westerner is a curiosity and you will be asked questions you might find a little personal and embarrassing, but this is the Chinese way.  At "home" in Guangzhou we live in a local community. I'm the only laowai around but have never experienced any animosity toward myself of my wife.. In fact the ONLY racist comments I have experienced are on this forum.

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-7-20 06:30:36 |Display all floors
the ONLY racist comments I have experienced are on this forum.

Surely you jest
I'm just here for the money

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2013-7-20 11:12:26 |Display all floors
Taking a short vacation in your wife's family is fine, remember do not stay over one month .
LISTEN  TO  YOUR  HEART

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2013-7-20 15:53:09 |Display all floors
greatlady Post time: 2013-7-20 11:12
Taking a short vacation in your wife's family is fine, remember do not stay over one month .

Conditions were rather basic, food and drink too plentiful, one week was enough.

Use magic tools Report

Post time 2013-7-20 19:07:56 |Display all floors
Reminder: Author is prohibited or removed, and content is automatically blocked

Use magic tools Report

You can't reply post until you log in Log in | register

BACK TO THE TOP
Contact us:Tel: (86)010-84883548, Email: blog@chinadaily.com.cn
Blog announcement:| We reserve the right, and you authorize us, to use content, including words, photos and videos, which you provide to our blog
platform, for non-profit purposes on China Daily media, comprising newspaper, website, iPad and other social media accounts.