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Thank you to DSseeing, waiboshu and sinoecocleaner for their kind comments for my considerable work in last week’s Translation No.1 Competition as these were much appreciated.
I also note that the method I used for the first competition for ‘feedback’ has been adopted and used this week with some degree of success.
I do not feel the need to make too much comment here but there are a couple of useful little points that I would like to mention. Look for parenthesis and bold text ........
The script is taken from "Seriously ill children and their sweet little dreams "
Zuo Shuhan is 7 years old. Apart from the bald head and the pale-looking face, she's the same with (as) every other girl who enjoys dancing, singing, playing and having little innocent dreams. However she's carrying (an explanation here. A carrier is someone who carries an infectious disease but does not suffer from it. This girl does not have an infectious disease so we use ‘has’ or suffers from’ …….) Neuroblastoma who's still under Radiotherapy.
Zui Shuhan's family of three are dwelling in a small house of less than 5 square meters. She likes Snow White so much that she always pictures herself wearing the same dress and little crown as the princess'. The very wish she has is to go back her hometown and put on the princess dress after her disease is cured.
The couple, Zuo Xiaolong and Jiang Xue, are determined to give little Shuhan 's disease the full treatment. While they took Shuhan to Beijing for treatments, they let their elderly parents look after the younger daughter back in (their) hometown of Sha'an Xi province.
Lively and cute Shuhan likes dancing very much. When she was in hospital, she would joyfully show her dance to other fellow patients, bouncing up and down on her bed. Children are generally afraid of going to hospitals, but Shuhan looks happy whenever she's hospitalized. "In this way, I can recover sooner, so I can go home to attend the kindergarten, where I can sing and dance, and play with my sister."
Zuo Shuhan is standing at the door (to be more precise ‘she is standing in the doorway’) of the little house of 5 square meters, where her family of three are living. This is a neighborhood of one-story houses that shelter migrant workers.
Zuo Shuhan is holding a camera and taking a picture of her parents. Shuhan's father has already had grey sideburns (graying hair is better) at the age of only 36 this year, while her mother Jiang Xue is wearing a pea green T-shirt given by a neighbor. To save money for Shuhan's treatments, the couple haven't bought new clothes for two years.
I have only commented on items not mentioned before and I think you have done a very good job again. Well done.